To think it's ridiculous how people go to pieces when they don't have their car

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

This might be unpopular.

Being able to drive and having a car to get around seems to be a sign that you have your shit together and you are a proper adult.

However, I have witnessed so many times people that are used to cars, absolutely failing to cope the minute they no longer have access to one, even if it's just for a day. Where as people who use public transport frequently have to plan around last minute cancellations and lateness and are actually required to be more organised.

A couple of examples.

SIL (BIL's wife) had a company car for years. She now doesn't work enough hours to have it so she lost her company car. I made what I thought was a genuine and helpful comment about the fact that she's lucky she lives on a great bus route and got given looks of disgust and no-one even answered me. It was as though they thought I was deliberately trying to be factious or something. Now MIL comes and takes her on days out with her toddler and even takes her shopping because she no longer has a car and claims she can't get anywhere. I have two children and have always managed days out and shopping with out one.

Someone once called in to work and said they were going to be late because their car had broken down and they had to get a bus. There was an out pouring of sympathy for her, people were calling her every few minutes to check she was OK and making jokes about how horrible it must be for her. She turned up at the office a whole hour late, was hailed as some sort of hero for getting there and told not to worry if she had to be late for the rest of the week while she got her car sorted. I lived on the next street over and got there on the bus every single day.

AIBU to think these people kind of need to grow up a little bit and handle their shit?

Yes and then made a condescending comment about grown adults with kids so I made one back.

I’m ‘reliant’ on my car because I have a disabled child, 2 other children, a full time job and live in a village with shit public transport. It is 15 mins in the car to work, or 55 mins on a bus. 10 mins in the car to a supermarket, 45 mins on a bus. It’s a no brainer really 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yes, because your whole thread is condescending 😂
My point is that those who have a car and those who don't will have different opinions and that's fine. You're moaning about people moaning, just sound jealous of your SIL tbh!

But they are vulnerable because of all the cars. If there were less cars and more cyclists, they wouldn't be vulnerable.

I had an accident caused by a black out at the wheel and was instructed not to drive until it was investigated by a doctor. I got a token 'poor you' type comment from my line manager, who then made it very clear that I was still expected to be in work the next day. I lived in a semi-rural location and it would have taken me five buses and a walk at the end. Minimum of 2.5 hours each way, and that's if the 1 bus an hour happened to coincide with the connecting bus (it was 45 minutes by car). The line manager very graciously offered me a lift, which meant I had to walk 3 miles along a 60mph country lane with no pavement to get to hers for 7am. I did it for 4 days until I could get checked over by a doctor.

I will go without my car. In fact, I now live in London and frequently travel by bike or public transport. But I don't like not having the option!

I definitely get treated differently for not having a car. Almost like I'm seen as still a child 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's just so super expensive to learn and to fund. I live rural and transport is nearly non existent which is such a shame especially for elderly who really rely on that especially socially.

Instead I have a cargo e bike so I can do the nursery school run and get into town. It's very freeing knowing I don't have to pay petrol tax etc can skip the traffic jams. It's not a perfect solution all the time, but it gives me options and freedom. Better for the environment and keeps me fit!

Oh, for god's sake, OP. People are used to what they're used to, and what you're used to is easier than what you're not used to. YABVU for berating everyone who is not like you for not being like you.

But I'm not saying people shouldn't have cars or that cars aren't easier. I'm saying that people look down on those that don't when they are the ones that can't cope without it.
I'm well are aware cars are quicker. They are often cheaper too and invariably much more pleasant and comfortable.

Actually some roads are simply badly designed.

Even though councils reduce the speed limits on them and put speed cameras on them, they are still unsafe to cycle on due to the design of the road.

Lots of cycle lanes are also badly designed. I was showing my DD a couple of badly designed ones near us, and we live in a council area that really promotes cycling. One had a row of mature trees on it. You have to cycle on the pavement instead which is wide enough to do so. The other had a couple of random metal poles on it and the pavement is too narrow to cycle on.

Hold my beer if you think cars are invariably more comfortable than public transport. If it were down to comfort, I'd take a train any day over my 20 year old rustbucket. And that's not to mention my uncle's car, where the passenger has to hold on to the door to stop the seat sliding backwards and forwards everytime it goes around a corner, plus any passenger in the back seat has to keep their knees jammed against the seat in front or risk having the tips of their toes taken off.

I'm screwed without a car.
Not a single bus to get DS to school until 9:45. Train is 2 miles away, and drops off 1.5 miles from the school.
No public transport to my work.

Id have to pay around £25 each way for a taxi.

You forgot the advantage of a decent train seat on a train that isn't packed - that you can snooze if you want. As the driver of a vehicle you can't have a sleep nor read nor play games on your mobile.

Depends where you live. Try living in remote rural Wales without a car. We just wouldn’t be able to do anything, not even getting the children to school. It got worse over lockdown, we lost a lot of bus services including free transport on some services at the weekends.

Hahaha. This is brilliant. You've created a right frother here.

It would be pretty bad for us if DH had to give up his car - just getting DS to school would be a nightmare, we've looked at the bus times, to get him to school it's nearly an hour and two busses and one of us would have to go with him.

Leaving on time is unlikely, which is why we can't use transport provided by the LA. It will be a problem if DH is ever just to ill to drive DS, but at least that would hopefully just be a day or two.

I made what I thought was a genuine and helpful comment about the fact that she's lucky she lives on a great bus route and got given looks of disgust and no-one even answered me

maybe your SIL took your "helpful" comment as gloating that she'd lost the use of her company car. I'm sure she knows about the bus routes as she, you know, lives there I can't imagine anyone having their nose rubbed in it being grateful for your "genuine" concern.

Well, not legally anyway. Around here it seems like you can certainly try to do all of those things while driving!

I don't think people are getting my point. A lot of the comments are like "I had to do XYZ".
But you did it. Good for you. I'm moaning about the people that don't and just sit and feel sorry for themselves and then let their MILs take them to some farm park that's five minutes away on a bus that stops outside their door. The same people that think non drivers are the incapable ones.

We've never had a car,been manage to get most places by public transport or if that's not possible we'll get a taxi.

Misread the title and read it as places not pieces

I agree OP. It is not about people needing a car, it is the rhetoric that driving is a skill that everyone should have and that you have failed somehow if you can't drive when navigating public transport also takes skills.

YES! thank you for getting it

I was trying to be nice and make her feel better. I wouldn't occur to me to "gloat" about her "having" to get a bus because to me a bus is an every day tool and not some horrific ordeal.

But the impression I got was that a bus hadn't even been considered as an option and was far, far beneath her.

But what's the problem if they do those things? It's one thing having a moan because people judge you for being a non-driver. That does happen and it's normal to feel miffed about it. But why go on to begrudge other people the lifts they get? Ok, your SIL gets lifts and you don't. Unless there is some obvious favouritism going on (have you ever asked your MIL for a lift?) or you're worried about MIL being put upon against her will, then I don't see what the fuss is. Live and let live. Speak out against people making lazy assumptions about your whole life because of your status as a driver/non-driver, but coping adeqautely with being a non-driver doesn't make you morally superior any more than being a driver makes someone else morally superior. Just because you do things one way doesn't mean SIL should make her life more difficult than it needs to be to match.

I guess it’s a difficult one, because I’ve never met anyone who openly disparages people who can’t drive and yet simultaneously can’t cope when they’re left without a car for some reason. Not that I know of anyway. Not saying they don’t exist, just that it must be quite a niche group and I haven’t come across any of them.

At my workplace everyone has a free bus pass. I’d say around 20% of people actually use theirs.

Parking costs are astronomical and traffic into the city centre can be dire outside of the bus lanes but they would still prefer to drive.

I use my pass, I don’t drive. The costs are out of reach for me. Yes it would be more convenient but we get around fine on the bus.