To think it's ridiculous how people go to pieces when they don't have their car

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

This might be unpopular.

Being able to drive and having a car to get around seems to be a sign that you have your shit together and you are a proper adult.

However, I have witnessed so many times people that are used to cars, absolutely failing to cope the minute they no longer have access to one, even if it's just for a day. Where as people who use public transport frequently have to plan around last minute cancellations and lateness and are actually required to be more organised.

A couple of examples.

SIL (BIL's wife) had a company car for years. She now doesn't work enough hours to have it so she lost her company car. I made what I thought was a genuine and helpful comment about the fact that she's lucky she lives on a great bus route and got given looks of disgust and no-one even answered me. It was as though they thought I was deliberately trying to be factious or something. Now MIL comes and takes her on days out with her toddler and even takes her shopping because she no longer has a car and claims she can't get anywhere. I have two children and have always managed days out and shopping with out one.

Someone once called in to work and said they were going to be late because their car had broken down and they had to get a bus. There was an out pouring of sympathy for her, people were calling her every few minutes to check she was OK and making jokes about how horrible it must be for her. She turned up at the office a whole hour late, was hailed as some sort of hero for getting there and told not to worry if she had to be late for the rest of the week while she got her car sorted. I lived on the next street over and got there on the bus every single day.

AIBU to think these people kind of need to grow up a little bit and handle their shit?

My bicycle allows me to do the same, school run, and work on time

@orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements yeah your SIL is being ridiculous.

By comparison my FIL had a recent medical condition and was off road for a year or so, having driven everywhere his whole adult life. Within about a week he was back to living a full life with his bus pass without a word of complaint. Just got on with it.

This is a bitchy thread.

I had no car a couple weeks ago while it was being repaired.

A 25 minute drive to work took 1.5 hours, the bus was packed so had to stand, there were screaming kids and rowdy teens on the bus, and I hated it. The first bus was full so didn't stop to pick anyone up, so I was 40 minutes la the to work.

Of course if someone is used to having a car they're not going to like the inconvenience of crappy public transport.

Not all roads are safe or even legal to cycle on.

Plus not all children cycle properly.

And it’s wonderful that works for you. But as with many things in life what works for one person doesn’t work for everyone. People are different and their lives are different.

There's so many variables to this. Surely it depends where you live/what you do? I have to see to animals (take water in the car) twice a day
Get DC to school 4 miles away along a road with no footpath or even verge, just ditches both sides. Then get to work. I'm screwed without a car.

I feel bereft without my car.

I do have a few mobility issues, but even without those I don't like not having access to it. I feel trapped not knowing I can't just get into whenever I like and go off where I may. It's my sanctuary too. When I shut my car door and I'm on my own, it's feels like my own private little quiet space.

Plus I love driving. Listening to my music, getting through my manoeuvres, negotiating the roads, maybe getting a bit of speed up, is relaxing and makes me feel peaceful. As long as the journey doesn't go on for too long.

@orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements I know it is. I've done it every week for years because I don't have a car. Neither does she so she needs to do the same, surely?

How did you manage to carry all of it? I didn't have a car when my children were small and I couldn't do it because I couldn't physically carry all the bags, even with a pushchair. This was before supermarkets did home deliveries. I ended up having to get the bus to the supermarket then a taxi home. But money was very tight, and I couldn't always afford the taxi.

I do get that, but you would figure it out. You would use the breakfast clubs or make alternative arrangements. I had to use breakfast clubs for a while so I could get a bus to work on time and I had to drop my youngest at the childminders near my work after the school run and was constantly held up and made to miss the bus by not being able to get my buggy around bloody car drivers parking on the pavement thinking they are more important than pedestrians.
You wouldn't just expect to go into work late for days or rely on someone else to run you around, surely?

I don't cycle for transport because I have kids to haul about and I live next to a fast main road that drivers often seem to think is the Autobahn. I would love to cycle more, but as a country we need far more cycling infrastructure, including safe cycle paths - i.e. separated by more than just a white line painted on the road.

We don't drive and have lived all over the UK and used public transport - however I recently had to get to a course regularly in another suburb don't know at all and it was really hard to work out how.

The transport planning sites weren't great often plus there are two bus companies in city each with own not particularly user friendly app- plus buying on buses you need correct change and they really want you to do tickets on apps. Also cheaper if you could stick to one company and buy a day ticket.

This suburb was on loop back into city - so bus services could be either side - not directly opposite bus stops bit of a walk and local residents would often pick the wrong side to wait - easy once app was clear but clearly not otherwise. Plus there was a two hour gap in mid afternoon.

Also only place I've lived bus drivers wouldn't even try and help - other passengers were lovely though. Once I had worked it all they changed the timetables so connections no longer worked. Actually had an old regular couple ask the driver why they were suddenly missing this bus and he shrugged had to tell them it was 5 minutes earlier.

I thought it was me but actually half the course was on buses and struggling with timetables one resorting to expensive taxi for a few weeks. Center closing so I'll never need to get back that way again - so all that hard won information is now useless.

Never lived in an area with such confusion round routes and timetables. We only just found a route from end of our road to nearby city on bus - it work out little bit to extremely more expensive to cheaper depending on numbers going than walking and train.

But generally sound like your work mates are dicks and family don't want to use buses for some reason.

I think it's the loss of flexibility that's the real mental challenge. In your car you can make a spur of the moment detour to the supermarket on the way home, and you don't have to carry said shopping very far either. You just can't do that if the bus is leaving in 10 minutes.

Having said that, yanbu with the examples you've given.

@Allfur supermarkets don't necessarily deliver everywhere though, and peddling miles and miles for bread is not going to be a permanent fixture I'm afraid!

I walk there (about 15-20 minutes) or I get the bus if it's raining and I get a taxi back if it's a big shop. It's about £5 for a taxi and I factor it into my weekly shopping budget, just like drivers factor in fuel I imagine. If it's not a big shop, I just carry the bags onto the bus or I do have a little shopping trolley I shamelessly use :D
If taxis really weren't an option for me, I'd do small daily shops.
I've done shopping without a car since I was 17. It's obviously more convenient with one but it's not impossible. Non-drivers have to eat too.

I wouldn't feel safe cycling on the city roads I usually drive on.

I don't like seeing cyclists on those roads. It makes me feel worried for them because they're clearly vulnerable.

In theory though, it's a great idea. It's fun and good exercise. I used to love cycling as a child. I grew up in a very small town so it was much safer.

But I still got hit by a car once when I was nine.

cycle if it's a short distance

DH does collapsible electric bike and train commute. I can't ride a bike safely - dyspraxia - so walk bus or train. It does take longer and need more planning - and honestly starting to think we aren't saving much really given ever increasing cost of buses and trains.

I need my car for work, literally have business insurance so I can drive to different places so not having my car is a bit of a disaster. My son can’t ride a bike so that’s not an option and I need to be able to get back from work for him if I need to fast. So for some people it is a nightmare and I can’t just get my shit together or take a bus.

Kinda the point if my post - Not everyone needs to drive.

You assume that we all have access to public transportation .. I live 1 hr 10 mins from London so not exactly remote .

My bus picks up at 13:10 on a Tuesday .. to take us to the local rail station .. the next bus back is Friday morning at 10:38.

Yep cars are a nuisance

Well yes we would fail to cope as we live somewhere with shit public transport links. It's hardly a reflection on my personality that a hard situation would be, hard.

Your SIL is ridiculous not even to attempt public transport, your colleague not so much. If she was to be without a car for longer I bet she'd get used to the buses.

I used to commute to work by train, about half an hour trip that I could do with my eyes closed. Then I got my driving licence and on the first day driving to work it took me an hour and a half. I got lost multiple times, missed the motorway exit, you name it - just not used to the journey. It got better, but it took a bit of time.

Nowadays I don't even know what bus goes to my work, I'm sure I can figure it out if need be.

In some places there are really no public transport.

I used to work in place that looked on paper were you could cycle from the station. You couldn't as the location was off a motorway slip road and there was no safe route to the site. There was also no public transport.

So if you didn't drive in, you would have to get a train to one of the nearest stations and a taxi.

Other times the routes of buses and trains from where you live don't make sense.

A friend of mine has an electric bike and she puts both her kids on it with her. You can get cycling seats for kids, lots of people do it. It's very common in Amsterdam to see mums taking their kids to school on bikes

But you are absolutely right, we do need more cycling provision and we are not in Amsterdam. Said friend is actively campaigning for it.

Photo from google, this is not my friend :D

I am perfectly capable of getting around without a car if I don't have one. My world doesn't "fall apart". But it 100% is a lot more stressful and I get a lot less done and, particularly if it happens unexpectedly, it's a real pain the ass. On Friday last week I had to go for lunch with a business contact in another town. After that, I had to come back and pick up nephew from school and take him back to MIL's house. Then I had to collect DD and take her to dance class. ALL of these things are totally doable without a car. But they take longer and involve a lot more effort, I simply would not have been able to do it all. So yes, if I had woken up on friday morning to discover my car had broken down, I woudl have been extremely stressed.

I worked in an office fairly close to my house for a while. easy bus ride. Brilliant. I love a bus. But eventually i had to ask for a parking space. Why/ Because getting to and from work was super easy. Worst case, I was a bit late or a bit early. BUT... getting to the kids' school from the office and then home was a lot more complicated and to guarantee I would make it by 3:15, I had to leave the office about 45 minutes before. And we'd still only get home at close to 4. With a car, I left at 15:00, was home by 15:35 and back working by 15:45.

Your premise is patronising.