To find talk of salary crass?

[peachese]

Met up with women I went to university with over the weekend and we haven’t seen each other since covid/lockdown. One is in the same job and she was explaining what she’s doing and then said “and it pays really well” and her husband earns a “shit load”.

I had another friend who every time I saw her she was telling me about a bonus or pay rise. Then I changed jobs (previously poorly paid) and she asked “is the salary better” and I just said “yeah is it” and suddenly now she doesn’t ever talk about pay.

This so so much more common than you might think, though. It's why people who actually earn a lot don't talk about it - it generally does not come across well! So the transparency people are talking about doesn't happen and many people just feel awkward.

My overarching point is that the norm of not disclosing one's salary exists for a reason, it's not just some capitalist conspiracy!

Of course.
But back in the day, it was considered very common and rude to discuss these topics.
No-one wants to keep their opinions to themselves today, so will happily discuss such things in public, which i find crass.

Sorry if that is old-fashioned, but some things, such as financial situations are not anyone's business but ny own.

Perfectly put.

Oh I never presumed it was a conspiracy. I’m just generally interested how some topics become a taboo and that taboo is then engrained in society and nobody questions it. It’s more of a philosophical exploration for me. Just today I was having a conversation with someone about how normal it is to have carers for your parents in the UK but in a different country it would be something shameful and unmentionable. This thread just reminded me of that.

Who’s to say I don’t out earn them?

I just find it odd to say “my husband earns a shit load”

I've spent my whole life in the office that knows what everyone gets paid, because I pay them. And that's not just people in the UK, I can see wages within my organisation globally. It's very intriguing.

But British people have a massive hangup about wages that really doesn't exist anywhere else. And I do think it allows all kinds of inequality to creep in. Talking about the UK specifically, I think younger people are more likely to discuss their own pay. Globally, the yanks are very open. They like to know their worth. I'm quite open about my wage, but I'm probably not the best example. Maybe I'm desensitised.

It can do if you're talking with colleagues or people in the same area of work. But in a social setting with friends who have a variety of jobs and likely to be earning anything from minimum wage to £100k+?

No, the latter is crass and doesn't help anyone earn more. Those on low pay don't gain anything by being told that their old school friend earns £100k.

It seems to me that a lot of people on this thread have a social bubble of friends who are similar earners or in similar jobs, where a conversation might be useful.

But for those of us who are likely to be meeting up with friends who span a whole range of jobs and pay ranges that have no relevance to each other, the conversation can only be awkward.

A conversation doesn’t need to add anything to anyone’s life. Different jobs earn different salaries – that’s the way things are. Factual information is not crass. It’s a hang up on the part of the person who has an issue with people who earn more than them for doing something different.

Openly talking about salaries is positive for both social mobility and gender equality. It should be normalised.
Of course bragging about money is a different thing.

I've never been in a conversation in a social situation where salaries have come up, where the person initiating it hasn't been boasting, and well aware that there are people in the room who are struggling.

The only situation where it's been helpful has been within my group of colleagues.

It’s not really an issue with me and my friends….most work for nhs and council….whatever banding you are on , then the pay is very visible on nhs or local government websites….. so everyone knows hat you earn…..and no one gets bonuses 😂

From a social mobility perspective, for a lot of kids they have no perception of what a well paid job looks like. Don’t think of it as useful to you, think of it as potentially useful to others or your kids. As a poor kid if you knew your mums mates were on 6 figures - would that propel you towards careers where you could do the same?
whilst not poor but definitely comfortable working class, I certainly had no idea about earning potential. Probably didn’t until my 30s. Might have tried harder to progress my career pre kids if I had known. In my opinion all jobs should be legally required to be advertised with a clear salary range.

I should add that I work in a professional qualified role. The idea that junior managers are on 150k+ in medium sized financial institutions is very new information to me (I’d assumed 75kish). Whilst I knew the big bosses were on big bonuses, again it’s very new info to me that junior managers earn 50-100% bonuses.

Not talking about salaries only benefits employers. YABU

I wish more women would talk openly about their salaries to promote transparency and fairness

I'm not taking to anyone's kids. Most of the time my social conversations are within a group of people who are 45+, from a TA on minimum wage and with a sick husband unable to work, to someone in IT in the City who almost certainly earns a shit load by the group's standards, but is never going to be so insensitive as to mention it.

I don’t love it personally, like I don’t care if people want to talk about what they have, but I don’t like when people ask about me.

Agreed

I think you’re missing my point

Who are you meant to talk about this stuff with, if not with friends?

Do you never have conversations with friends along the lines of, "I'm thinking of getting X, but I'm not sure if it's worth it, because it'll cost £Y a month, and I'm not sure the sums work out, but I think you got it, so what do you think?" And that can lead to a more in depth conversation about income,maybe savings, benefits, etc. Not all friends, but the ones who are close.

Exactly, there's people here who have seemingly never had a conversation before, and cannot conceive that talking about money isn't generally in the form of "Hi, I'm Jane and I make 52k a year after tax- now, tell me the finer details of your finances, total stranger!"

It’s no different to a group of women with children sitting with a friend who is having difficulty conceiving and banging on about their wonderful kids. If the childless woman was upset, would that be a “hang up”.

It just called sensitivity and it seems a lot of high earners lack it.

The OP isn't about general finance conversations, and talking about savings accounts or buying a new washing machine. It's about a group of people meeting socially, being given chapter and verse about how much one of them (and her husband) earns.

In the context of OP 's meet up with old friends, the only purpose of that conversation was to boast. And when you are in a group of people with a probable wide range of earnings, that's crass.