To find talk of salary crass?

[peachese]

Met up with women I went to university with over the weekend and we haven’t seen each other since covid/lockdown. One is in the same job and she was explaining what she’s doing and then said “and it pays really well” and her husband earns a “shit load”.

I had another friend who every time I saw her she was telling me about a bonus or pay rise. Then I changed jobs (previously poorly paid) and she asked “is the salary better” and I just said “yeah is it” and suddenly now she doesn’t ever talk about pay.

Maybe going into the minutiae could be crass or unnecessary depending on the context, but what you've described was quite high level and quite normal in my world.

Yes, of course, it's how consumers work out whether they're being ripped off or not. Transparency is a key principle of SO much of our way of life for that reason - law, politics, public services, energy, transport etc etc, wages are just an extension of this.

I think it's Norway that goes the whole hog and publishes tax returns too. And we wonder why it's a wealthy happy country even as we seethe with misery from inequality and poverty.

We are not those countries.

I'd love to know how these discussions work in practice. If you earn loads more than everyone else, you look like a braying idiot and open yourself up to resentment. If you earn the least, there is the potential for you to feel like a failure/under achiever.

The British tradition of avoiding these scenarios actually feels more egalitarian to me.

I actually like my friends so if they want to have a bit of a brag and celebrate about their pay rise, I'm just happy for them, even if they're now earning more than me, or less, or whatever. But then again I'm sure many pearls would be absolutely white knuckled at a lot of the "crass" and "boorish" things my pals and I "bray" about 🙃

How would it come up at a party and what if other people feel uncomfortable?

Really? You talk at people about the cost of everything you have? "I've got a new car, it cost £30,000. Anyone want a gin? I bought this bottle for £15. Come sit on the sofa. It cost £3,000. By the way, I earn 45k!"

I'd leave.

I do find talking about money very crass but…

… I also suspect that’s a major factor as to why salaries are often so poor.

Hard to negotiate when you don’t know what the possibilities / limits are.

I have never divulged my exact salary to anyone other than my husband but I did find a way to correct my friend who kept incorrectly assuming my husband was “the higher earner” when in fact we earn the same amount. It annoyed me that she made an assumption based on nothing but sexism.

We have one friend who loves to tell us his exact (high) salary, details of any pay rises etc. He does it in an incredibly crass way - and constantly.

I think many of our family and friends would be surprised that we earn as much as we do but our lifestyle does give it away somewhat if you pay close enough attention.

Money talks. Wealth whispers.

I’m proud to be surrounded by powerful, successful, well paid women, who I am honoured to call friends. I don’t think it’s crass to tell a friend you got a bonus or are comfortable in life, I’m always pleased to hear my nearest and dearest are nailing it. Those who feel uncomfortable discussing it should consider if they are projecting their discomfort of their own financial situations.

This. Fact. From other countries that do openly discuss salary.

It's a cultural difference.

Bragging is always distasteful, but discussion of salary should happen more.

@popppoppyzbrite4 I'm not sure you understand how conversations with friends go.

I still can't get my head around this. Someone's 'successful' and 'well paid' can be VERY different from someone else's.

I don't mind hearing people talk about money. I actually think it can be quite a good thing as often people try to make out they are better off than than they actually are and it's all on credit. I know it was very taboo for previous generations but honestly I love that we have normalised turning things down due to a lack of funds. Now I'm better off I don't tend to talk honestly or openly, I think it is just seen as bragging.

Bragging about salary - tiresome

Sharing salary information to help understand what other jobs pay - healthy and helpful

I've never discussed my salary with anyone other than DH.

Even my parents don't know what I earn

I understand how conversations with people who aren't harping on about money go.

Why? I am significantly wealthier than my family and friends. Are you suggesting I should crow about it and rub their noses in the fact that they struggle and I don’t? People in minimum wage jobs are, for the most part, only going to be paid minimum wage for that job. Bragging about my income won’t help them to earn any more, it will just upset them and make me look like a prize twat.

It's crass if you're scoffing at someone and boasting about how much more you are being paid. However I am 100% in agreement that salaries should be an open, matter of fact discussion. It only helps the ruling classes and bosses to be secretive about pay.

I hate that in the UK it's drilled into us to not talk about pay. You should 100% talk about it especially with your colleagues.

@Missmarple87 then don't discuss it with those people?

But as a general rule for life, some rich Victorian dude deeming money 'crass' so that we don't discuss salaries, doesn't govern what I talk about with my mates.

Right so only discuss it with people who earn the same as me... ? Erm isn't that precisely what you're advocating not to do!

I was raised that it was crass to ask someone about their finances (including salary) or to tell someone what your salary or financial position was.

If I wanted to know what the salary was for XX position I'd google it, I wouldn't ask someone directly. If someone asked me and I felt they were genuinely thinking of entering the field I'd probably give them the starting salary, not what I was actually earning.

If someone feels the need to tell me what they earn, I'd say "That's nice" and change the subject.

Fucking hell @poppyzbrite4 would it have killed you to take a sec and write something vaguely sensible/constructive/interesting/not just goady crap?

The level of debate on here these days is not what it used to be.

Can you direct me to your constructive comments? I can't seem to see anything but unrelated and unnecessary aggression.

talking about salary is fine.
bragging about it is crass. but so is bragging about anything.