Skinny shaming is so accepted

[chickenbhunalambbhunaprawnbhunamuchroomrice]

I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this, but skinny shaming is so wildly accepted and tolerated due to slim people being at an advantage due to their body size. As if it's acceptable, because they're slim. I've been body shamed my whole life for being slim. Right from when I was at junior school, to now at 30 years old.

I was relentlessly bullied at school and college. I am not an anomaly, I am a 5'5 size 6-8 female with a normal BMI. I don't need to be shamed about my body. The only people who have ever shamed or bullied me about my weight have been fat or obese people. And I'll be honest I'm trying my hardest not to judge them for their eating habits and size, but when it's a running theme I am starting to think that only fat people have a problem with slim people.

'Skinny privilege' shouldn't be an excuse to exempt bullying and shameful behaviour.
Stop trying to normalise skinny shaming just because it's the 'more desirable' image. It's not our fault that agenda has been pushed so much.

AIBU to think that skinny shaming is just as bad as fat shaming, and that slim people aren't to an advantage on this? I don't believe in the whole 'well at least you're skinny and being shamed.' Interested to know others thoughts.

People have no idea how cruel skinny shaming is because generally most have never been skinny enough to experience it. I'm a size 6 and my morbidly obese female manager bullied me spectacularly over it for years, telling people I was off with anorexia when I was off with low b12 that got fixed very quickly. When another skinny girl on my team miscarried recently she suggested she should put some weight on as though to imply it was somehow her fault and said when pulled up on it ( by a man not another woman who all ignored it as it was about being skinny not fat ) that she was just looking out for her as its well known you can't get pregnant if you're 'that thin'. The irony is she spends her life going on about her weight, getting body wraps, on shake diets, doing the odd useless workout, telling herself she has hormone imbalances - anything but just eating healthily and sticking to a slow but steady weight loss routine. It's so clearly jealousy but because her vitriol was aimed at skinny women it's accepted. I imagine if she had spread a rumor I had time off due to obesity it would be far more sympathised with, same if she said a girl in our office miscarried because she's fat people would go nuts. It's awful but mainly other women cannot comprehend that something they so desperately want, to be slim / skinny can still hurt when it's someone else's reality and it's being critiqued.

This. ^ We live in a society that looks down on fat-shaming (and quite rightly too,) but it's OK somehow to attack people for being slim/thin.

That teeny tiny mocking bullshit that I see, really boils my fucking piss. Mocking and deriding someone who eats small portions! How fucking dare you?! You have NO IDEA why someone is eating smaller portions. Could be a health issue, or an eating disorder. You know fuck-all about why someone eats a small amount so just button it!

You have no right to mock and deride people for eating small portions, just to make yourself feel better about what YOU eat!

Catch yourself on!

I get it OP and it is a shame. I think it's allowed because "the virtuous and and the good" see it as punching up and as in all things miss the point that it's the actual punching itself that's bad. Happens with a lot of things unfortunately because people are stupid, hypocritical and run by their own biases. People want an easy, socially acceptable target to take their day out on.

"Real women have curves."

What people like you do not understand, is in that moment, the thin person being shamed is not thinking about society’s issues or how fat people are treated and what the ideal body shape is etc.

They are just feeling upset or offended or embarrassed because of the nasty comment made to them.

Why can you not see that? Why is it a competition to you?

A colleague who I barely knew once joked with other colleagues in the staff kitchen while I was making lunch that she wanted to
force feed me a burger. 🙄 I was very uncomfortable because they were all laughing about the things they wished they could force down my throat.

I ate fine. I just went to the gym everyday. These ladies was 30 years older than me and on the plumper side. Not sure it would have been okay for me to witness them eating and say "man, I really wish I could strap you to a treadmill and turn it on full speed"...me, I was fair game.

health issues which result from all spectrums of eating disorders.
Should read as 'health issues which cause all spectrums of eating disorders

That's not a view to which I personally ascribe, but I can understand that society is structured in a way that elevates thin bodies over fat ones and that therefore a thin person who is bullied for their weight can find more support exists for their body shape and appearance than a fat person who experiences the same. So we have a poster on here who tells the OP to take comfort in the fact that her fat tormentors will suffer and die because of their weight. Society doesn't tell fat people the same about their thin tormentors. Ultimately, what I mean is that society supports the narrative that thin bullies tell fat victims about their bodies, and it contradicts the narrative which fat bullies tell thin victims about theirs. There is a power imbalance.

This post is rather problematic, I think. Would you tell a person who was overweight, that they should just eat less. Would that be acceptable?

That happens all the time. How do you think people lose weight?

Well by that rhetoric, why won't fat people do the same then? If they ate less and 'actually tried' then they'd be happier in themselves and stop bashing and shaming us.

See, not nice is it?

This is what fat people are told all the time but individuals, society as a whole and the diet industry.

What would you say to my daughter if she had the misfortune to confide in you? Bearing in mind she hates telling strangers about the medical conditions that have led to her low weight?

‘My ‘skinny’ daughter getting nasty comments at university which affect her self esteem would not think she has things ‘pretty fucking good’. Thankfully she has loving friends and family and not you to support her.’

Just move less and eat more. You'll soon put on weight and then people will stop being mean to you.

Yes I understand that. Would it be acceptable to verbalise to them, that they should just eat less, was the question.

You look perfectly healthy to me. You are slim but do not look underweight. Maybe because you're "petite" people think they have the right to be bitchy. I would just hold my head high and say "well, I'm perfectly happy the way I am thanks"

Because, based on your pictures, you are the absolute definition of the body goal. THAT IS THE PRIVILEGE. It is extraordinary to me that you cannot see how much easier it is to be thin than fat, but then isn't the phrase 'the thing about privilege is when you have it you probably aren't aware of it'.

As I have said repeatedly - no bullying comments are okay. I think what has been said to you is very unkind. But it's obvious that it hasn't impacted you because there you are, dressing in lovely clothes, showing off your lovely figure without a care - as you bloody well should. What is very clear from seeing you is you are healthy, happy and confident and anyone who is commenting is - in my opinion - likely doing so out of jealousy because you fit the magazine definition of body goals.

But fatness doesn't come with associated benefits. If you are fat, you are judged. You might have shop in plus size shops, feel you can't eat what you want in front of others, have it implied you are the cause off all your own medical issues and are generally a bit of a failure at life. There are no injections designed to make you fatter.

I'm glad the comments you have received from some spectacularly horrible people haven't made you ashamed, but that's probably because all you had to do to feel reassured is pop into a clothes shop and pick something off the rack/switch on the telly and look at the actors/pick up a magazine and look at the models and see your body shape mirrored back at you.

I might add - no idea if it matters - that I'm not fat. I'm 5'3" and a size 10/12. I'm the chubby side of slim/the slim side of chubby so in a weird way I walk the tightrope. I've had people take digs at how 'petite' I am and I also feel chunky in a bikini, so I'm not saying any of this as some fat activist. Just....I wish you could just TRY and see the flip side. It doesn't diminish what you are saying about your experiences, just that it must be so fucking hard for a fat person to read this.

But, anyway, you look amazing.

The lack of emotional intelligence in those here who are dismissive about skinny-shaming is astonishing.

I already said bullying is unacceptable and people shouldn't comment on other people's bodies.

Would you share this thought? And if not why not?

I think majority of people who say they've been skinny shamed aren't actually as upset as they make out.

This. When I got together with my now husband I was a size six then too and I'm only 5 ft 3. He's 6 ft 3 and built like an Ox. We went for a meal as a department and I ordered a lamb shank and mash and eat it all. I don't eat like that all the time but I haven't got an eating disorder. A comment was made when it was bought over and everyone was asking who had ordered the lamb shank ( which looked huge in real life ) and I said me that I was 'eating up' so my husband, who was a new partner at the time 'didn't snap me'. Que loads of laughter. I was very early twenties at the time and mortified. Imagine if someone huge got with the smallest man in their office and the same comment was made but about a salad 'oh she's eating less so she doesn't kill him in sex' - vile isn't it?

This is awful. I'm so sorry you've been through that, and I'm so sorry there are many posters on here minimising and accepting this sort of behaviour your just because we have 'the upper hand as we're the desired shape.'

If we're that 'desired' I wonder why we're shamed as much. It's MUCH less common in this country to be slim. Which is why perhaps it's deemed to be 'not a thing' to bully slim people.

Fat women are told that all the time; if I had a penny for every time I see 'eat less move more' just on Mumsnet I would be a squillionaire. I think that's the point that ComedyCook is making.

Also @TLMTTCSJTT1 fat women are frequently told that their infertility or miscarriages are due to their weight and that it's their own fault so I can tell you that fat women do understand what that feels like and that other people categorically do not 'go nuts' about it. To be clear, that doesn't mean I think it's fine to tell thin women they're too skinny to get pregnant either; I think it's terrible. But it's not an experience unique to thin women at all.

Unless you look anorexic/chronically unwell I can't imagine someone who's a size 6-8 being bullied over their weight as much as a size 20. I do think some people are jealous of certain women's figures. Me and my mate were a bit guilty of this with a girl from work who used to be a model. We never said a thing to her but did sometimes do things like rolling out eyes at eachother when she was eating a large kebab for lunch. It stems from jealousy and is a horrible thing to do. I feel in some ways I'm disadvantaged by bring skinny, but only bc I have ED so it's ruined my health and bones. Also I think some people think I look like a drug addict or criminal bc I'm not 'good' skinny. I look kind of wrong and frail.
When I was slim but normal weight I got a lot of attention from men and people seemed a bit nicer to me. But at the end of the day people shouldn't judge others on their appearance. Be it weight, race, age, clothing choice etc.

It's verbalised and discussed constantly.

Most fat people have tried to lose weight... because they're not happy with their weight. If thin people are so unhappy, then they can try to put on weight. If this was actually what they wanted and was actually so desirable and difficult there would be a whole industry to support this but there isn't.