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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really annoyed with this woman? adults only pls, dont open if your dcs are lurking around...

95 replies

mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:12

at a birthday party yesterday for a girl in dd's creche.

i was talking to three other mothers about the tooth fairy, religion and the conversation moved onto santa.

one of the mother's said she will be telling her dd the truth about santa as soon as she asks, which we all presume will be soon as she is four.

she says that when she herself found out the truth it devastated her and she did not want to put her own dd through the disappointment.

when i pointed out that her dd wouldn't have the maturity to not share it with the rest of her class there was a cold silence.

my dd will be starting school with this girl and i dont care if it's crazy, i want her to have the magic of santa in her youth. i am also worried that this girl's mum will ruin it for the whole bloody class.

aibu???

OP posts:
misdee · 20/04/2008 18:13

YABU.

its not up to you.

i didnt belive in santa, but the rest of my class did.

SmugColditz · 20/04/2008 18:14

Just tell your daughter that this girl's mother has to buy her presents for her, because she doesn't believe in Santa, and that's why Santa doesn't come to her house.

dashes from approaching nooses.....>>>>>

SmugColditz · 20/04/2008 18:16

Realistically, your daughter will come into contact with other religions et al at school - you will have to handle that as well as the Santa thing. Muslims don't believe in Santa either, how will you handle taht?

spicemonster · 20/04/2008 18:17

YABU I'm afraid. It's up to each individual parent.

I'm a bit disappointed by this thread tbh. I thought it was going to be much more racy going by the title

Original poster
mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:17

. think i'll take your advice colditz!

misdee i know it's not up to me. but in this situation her not believeing will no doubt affect her friends as i am pretty sure she will talk to them about it.

do you not think that in this way her mother is making a personal decision for all her dd's friends? when it's 'not up to her'?

OP posts:
ellideb · 20/04/2008 18:17

YANBU I think that is terrible, so sad for the little girl. Don't children grow up quick enough already these days? She said she remembered how devastated she was, well isn't she puting her daughter through that too?

If your daughter comes home doubting santa after speaking to this other girl you can always deny it, say she is only jbeing silly and that santa doesn't come to children who don't believe. As long as you keep up the whole pretence then your daughter will probably ignore this other girl and carry on beleiving.

FrannyandZooey · 20/04/2008 18:18

YABU, yes

hatrick · 20/04/2008 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:20

oh thats true i suppose. ok. thanks guys.

sorry bout the non-raciness spicemonster. i'll try and think up something better next time!

OP posts:
alittleone2 · 20/04/2008 18:21

Message withdrawn

LyraSilvertongue · 20/04/2008 18:22

Children have to learn the harsh realities of life some time but I'd like to delay it as long as possible and I'd certainly hate for them to learn 'the truth' about something as magical and fun as Santa anytime soon (they're 5 and 3).
YANBU to feel out out that this little girl will be sharing 'the thruth' with all her friends and might ruin it for them. But sadly you can't tell the other mother what she can and can't say to her daughter.

LyraSilvertongue · 20/04/2008 18:23

put out.

Original poster
mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:23

btw it's not really a religious issue, but tbh i forget about that aspect , her school is fairly homogenous and every child in her creche has santa.

it's just because i think it is so nice for children to have a bit of magic in their lives! they are rational adults for long enough when they're older.

i know it's her choice. it's just the thought of dd not having a few years of the wonder i did as a child makes me sad. wuss!!

OP posts:
Janni · 20/04/2008 18:24

If a small child wants to believe in Santa and a trusted adult tells them he's real, they'll happily believe it and will disregard the lunatic ravings of fellow small children.

When I was 6 my teenaged babysitters told me the truth about Santa, to which I brandished my letter from him as proof of their idiocy.

I continued believing until I was 8 and found our Christmas presents in my mum's wardrobe. Even then I wasn't entirely sure until Chistmas Day when I finally accepted the truth

cazzybabs · 20/04/2008 18:25

YANBU

minster · 20/04/2008 18:26

YABU

We've never done father Christmas as a 'real person' we've always done it as a fun game we play around Christmas. We remind dd that lots of people like to believe that FC is real & that she shouldn't mention it to other kids. Funnily enough she's had several children tell her they don't believe in FC although their parents seem to think they do!

FrannyandZooey · 20/04/2008 18:26

Christmas is still very magical without Father Christmas, believe me
ds also knows that fairies are not strictly real but still gets caught up in imaginative play / discussion about them

Original poster
mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:27

janni your letter of proof- so cute!

OP posts:
Janni · 20/04/2008 18:27

Oh and at 10 years old my son was questioning the existence of God and the veracity of the moon landings before he finally accepted there was no Santa, whereas his best friend had NEVER believed.

Like I say, if they wanna believe, they'll believe.

PortAndLemon · 20/04/2008 18:28

YABU. So you think that you should make a personal decision for this woman and her DD (i.e. that she should tell her daughter something she doesn't agree with and that makes her uncomfortable)? Why should that be 'up to you'?

Original poster
mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:28

hiijacking my own thread -ppl who dont have santa- is it for religious reasons or because you think it's wrong to lie to a child?

OP posts:
SmoothandWilkie · 20/04/2008 18:30

I remember very clearly being told when I was about 6 by a boy in my class whose father was a vicar that Father Christmas didn't exist.

I shot him down in flames and said 'Don't be so silly, how on EARTH can our parents afford ALL those presents?!?!?' I carried on believing until I was 8 and sussed it for myself.

I think you are worrying about something and nothing.

Original poster
mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:32

portandlemon, it's not really that i'd ever tell somebody what to do, i suppose what i was trying to express is that because of her personal decision i worry that my dd will be disappointed.

it's one of those things that you cant control, i am simply a bit sad really, but i suppose it was an usual choice in my world.

i wanted to see am i totally out of date with the whole santa thing. and the point is that while i would never 'make a personal decision' for the woman, her choice makes a personal decision for the whole class.

OP posts:
scottishmum007 · 20/04/2008 18:32

let it sail over your head, let the kid make her own mind up.

FrannyandZooey · 20/04/2008 18:33

yes I think it is wrong to have elaborate lies for our own amusement
(which is what it is - children have just as much fun at Christmas not believing / half believing in FC as otherwise)

I think is lovely to tell as a story and if child wants to believe, then also lovely and very touching etc, but when they start to ask questions and you have to construct rather elaborate deceit them IMO is not right for MY family

it is only recently that utter belief in FC has been encouraged / insisted on in anyone older than about 3
in the past it was just a bit of a fun story, for the tiny ones