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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really annoyed with this woman? adults only pls, dont open if your dcs are lurking around...

95 replies

mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:12

at a birthday party yesterday for a girl in dd's creche.

i was talking to three other mothers about the tooth fairy, religion and the conversation moved onto santa.

one of the mother's said she will be telling her dd the truth about santa as soon as she asks, which we all presume will be soon as she is four.

she says that when she herself found out the truth it devastated her and she did not want to put her own dd through the disappointment.

when i pointed out that her dd wouldn't have the maturity to not share it with the rest of her class there was a cold silence.

my dd will be starting school with this girl and i dont care if it's crazy, i want her to have the magic of santa in her youth. i am also worried that this girl's mum will ruin it for the whole bloody class.

aibu???

OP posts:

Original poster

mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:34

i probably am overreacting, smoothandwilkie, it just caught me off guard, that's all!

maybe with school impending i am just a bit sensitive with the idea of my little one growing up!

anyway, thanks for replies. .

OP posts:

swampster · 20/04/2008 18:38

DH has a cousin who had it broken to her just before she started senior school so she wouldn't look a wally in front of her mates!

RIELOVESBACARDI · 20/04/2008 18:39

just tell your dd that her mother is a snotty cow and thats why santa don't go to there house. my eldest ds is 18 and still goes along with it all for dd3 whos 7 and me i think

TurkeyLurkey · 20/04/2008 18:50

A lad at our school (the school trouble maker-now expelled) went round telling all the little ones in Infants that Santa didn't exist and that your parents buy all the presents.

My friend told her kids "Well of course he would say that, Santa doesnt' go to his house because he's naughty and Santa doesn't visit naughty people does he..so his parents have^ to buy his presents!"

I have to say I took my hat off to her for sheer quick thinking! All I could muster to mine was to mutter "Of course he exists" rather lamely.

bran · 20/04/2008 18:52

We've always told ds that Santa is a story and not real, he's 3.9 now. It doesn't seem to bother him at all, he knows that the Gruffalo and Totoro are just stories but we still have fun looking for them in bushes and tall trees. Similarly he knows that Santa is just a story but still enjoys opening his stocking on Christmas morning every second year (only when we're in Dublin as my Mum does it for him, when we're in KL for Christmas there's no stocking).

YABU, lots of Christian cultures don't have Santa and their kids manage to enjoy Christmas anyway.

Original poster

mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:53

bad rie, bad!

OP posts:

redadmiral · 20/04/2008 18:55

Janni is right. They'll believe what you tell them till about 8.

I was quite annoyed when a mum at the school started debunking it in front of DD (I think it's almost against some religions to pander to it) but she didn't take it on board at all. Lots of children will say it's not true around 5 or 6, but if you say it is you'll still be believed.

Greyriverside · 20/04/2008 18:56

I don't think we were ever taught that Santa was real. As someone else said it was a fun game that we played even though we knew better. I understand why someone might pretend it was real, but I think it's better anyway if kids know their parents cared enough to get all those presents.

So yeah the other mum has a perfect right, but I also agree that you can easily deflect the questions if you want to keep it going a bit longer.

edam · 20/04/2008 18:57

F&Z, can you you provide any more info for no-one bothering about believing in FC over the age of three until recently? It's a new one on me.

I do think parents who don't do FC should be careful not to ruin it for other children. I'm certainly going to keep it going for ds as long as I can - myths and magic are an essential part of all human cultures. Although I do have to confess that I told my little sister about it being the parents when she was only two... and took her downstairs to catch them at it on Christmas Eve! (In my defence, I wasn't being nasty, I was genuinely amused at this fresh evidence of grown ups being quite dotty, bless them.)

beansmum · 20/04/2008 19:00

YABU - why should a mother have to lie to her child just to prevent other children finding out the truth sooner rather than later. ds knows santa is just a story and is quite happy with that. it's a nice story and we do hang up our stockings and try and sneak the pressies in without anyone noticing but it's just a game, I don't think I could actually lie to ds. I want him to think he can trust me to be honest with him.

FluffyMummy123 · 20/04/2008 19:01

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 20/04/2008 19:02

Message withdrawn

misdee · 20/04/2008 19:02

i didnt celebrate xmas as a child. i didnt even know about santa till i started school. my parents said some people belive in him, but as we didnt celebrate xmas we didnt.

btw you are presuming her dd will ask soon about santa, but so far dd1+2 (8+5) havent asked about it, but i think dd1 will this year, though i think she no longer belives but plays along for the younger two.

i wouldnt tell another child santa didnt exsist, but if my dd's tell other children, then i expect they will egt a big raspberry back in their face lol.

i still think YABU.

TheCheeseAlarm · 20/04/2008 19:04

My Great Auntie, who died recently in her nineties, had to be told that Father Christmas wasn't real when she left home to get married at the age of 21.

DS1, 9, still believes in Father Christmas although most of his friends don't. He doesn't believe in God though. They seem to believe what they choose to so I wouldn't be too worried.

FrannyandZooey · 20/04/2008 19:04

Edam, we have several vintage children's books which refer to FC as being just a story, 'for little ones' etc

they are aimed at children aged about 5 or 6 or so I would say, and date from the 50s, 60s?

it seems to me that it's a recent thing to insist that it is true, and to go to great lengths to keep children believing for as long as possible

LyraSilvertongue · 20/04/2008 19:05

We had no chimney (70s-built house) and I always wondered how FC got into the house but didn't want to ask in case I got no presents.

FluffyMummy123 · 20/04/2008 19:05

Message withdrawn

EffiePerine · 20/04/2008 19:07

we only did stockings from Santa, not big presents. If DS asked, I'd have a problem lying about it (and a bigger problem insinuating that other families were unworthy of the big man visiting ).

And I am not doing the Easter bunny, bloody ridiculous (and possibly blasphemous)

mamablue · 20/04/2008 19:08

Unfortunately as soon as they start school they will hear from someone that santa does not exist. We just go with the "he only comes if you believe" story. Parents have to buy presents for the children who do not believe, how sad. My eldest dd is 9 next week and last christmas probably 80% of her classmates were saying there was no santa but she and her two friends were still sure there was. I want her to believe as long as possible.

I think the children with older siblings tend to be the first to stop believing.

I overheard three girls in Year 1 having a really mature dicussion on whether God exists once!!

spicemonster · 20/04/2008 19:09

Yes Cod. I registered my disappointment early on

We still all get xmas stockings 'from FC' in my family incidentally - me and my sisters do them for my parents and they do them for us. None of us are under 40

EffiePerine · 20/04/2008 19:09

Am I missing something here, or is lying to your children for the sake of a myth an integral part of childhood?

Loons

edam · 20/04/2008 19:10

Interesting, F&Z, I've read an awful lot of children's literature in my time and never come across this idea. Ds does have an Enid Blyton story 'proving' FC is real, though.

madamez · 20/04/2008 19:11

Why should anyone be obliged to tell their own DC a fib just to pander to other people's dimwit superstitions? You can tell your own kids what you like but with regard to other parents, it's their business. Though it does no harm to tell kids about FC, fairies and religions in the same way, then they will see through the whole lot for themselves in their own time.

procrastinatingparent · 20/04/2008 19:13

That's interesting Franny.

My parents never said one thing or another about Father Christmas, and I don't remember ever believing in him. We have done the same with our kids, and when they have asked if he is true, we have just asked them what they think. If they say that they don't think he is real, we agree but ask them not tell any other children in case they don't know yet. And as far as I know they haven't told anyone else.

We just don't make a big deal out of it - although they do get stockings still (no stockings would be unkind!). I would never tell my children a lie about FC though.

edam · 20/04/2008 19:16

One woman's 'dimwit superstition' is another woman's 'enchanting legend', though, Madamez. Not fair to piss on someone else's parade. Fine, tell your own children whatever you wish, but do try to warn them not to upset everyone else.

The 'it's a lie' brigade do make me feel sad, though. Stories are an intrinsic part of all human cultures. There's no need to be quite so puritanical. Unless you are a member of the Plymouth Brethren, I suppose.

Remember being startled reading Anne of Green Gables by one of the characters objecting to novels on the grounds that they 'are full of lies'. Clearly 19th century Canada was full of puritans!

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