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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really annoyed with this woman? adults only pls, dont open if your dcs are lurking around...

95 replies

mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 18:12

at a birthday party yesterday for a girl in dd's creche.

i was talking to three other mothers about the tooth fairy, religion and the conversation moved onto santa.

one of the mother's said she will be telling her dd the truth about santa as soon as she asks, which we all presume will be soon as she is four.

she says that when she herself found out the truth it devastated her and she did not want to put her own dd through the disappointment.

when i pointed out that her dd wouldn't have the maturity to not share it with the rest of her class there was a cold silence.

my dd will be starting school with this girl and i dont care if it's crazy, i want her to have the magic of santa in her youth. i am also worried that this girl's mum will ruin it for the whole bloody class.

aibu???

OP posts:
tigermoth · 20/04/2008 19:17

Agree that children believe what they want to believe. Just back up what your dd wants to think.

procrastinatingparent · 20/04/2008 19:18

DD (6) has just lost her first tooth, and insisted on putting it under her pillow for the tooth fairy. I was an exceptionally bad mother and FORGOT to put any money under her pillow, thus tears etc the next morning. So the next night I got her to write a note to the TF (so that I would remember), and sure enough the money appeared and all was sunshine and light. This morning we had an almighty tantrum because she, telling me that she knew the TF wasn't real, wanted her (already disposed of) tooth back.

Which makes me assume she was just going along with it all for the cash ... - not very sporting.

kama · 20/04/2008 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PortAndLemon · 20/04/2008 19:45

Stories are an important part of human culture. So much so that stories are perfectly capable of being enjoyable sources of fun and excitement without being treated as literally true.

I don't recall ever believing in Father Christmas as actual truth (and my mother says I'd certainly worked it out by the age of 4) but we still "did" Father Christmas as a family each year, leaving out mince pie and all, and the fact that we all knew it was "just" a story was never alluded to. It's not as though the moment you stop believing in the literal truth of Santa you spend your Christmases clad in itchy grey serge peeling potatoes from dawn to dusk.

MadameCh0let · 20/04/2008 19:53

I wouldn't worry. I spent time in Spain as a child where nobody believed in Santa. They had somebody who came on the 6th of January I think. I can't remember. Anyway. Totally different. But I was 6 and whatever my Mum told me made sense to me at the time because I was 'lucky I knew the truth'. They were told some type of nonsense and I pitied them.

I figured it out the christmas I was nearly 8 when I got a box of roller skates and there was only one skate in it. My Mum was so outraged, I thought, she can't be so cross with somebody who GIVES us things, that would be ungrateful. Then, once something sets your brain in motion, it's just tick, tick, tick until you realise...

EffiePerine · 20/04/2008 19:57

stories are important, but why spoil the story by insisting on all sorts of other facts (like unfortunate children who aren't lucky enough to get stuff from Santa, hardly in the spirit of Christmas).

If you aren't religious, would you insist on telling the (numerous) flood myths and stories as if they really happened?

I find this propping up of children's imaginations very strange. Why not let them develop their own beliefs and ideas without all these shenanigans?

gem1981 · 20/04/2008 19:57

my mum told me on Christmas Eve !!!!!

I had been badgering her all day I was just going on and on and on and in the end she cracked!!!!

Never let her forget it!!!

waltermego1 · 20/04/2008 20:01

I think YABU. You can't stop other people from deciding not to teach their children fables. A friend of mine has never spun her children the santa myth. She figures that it's as bad as telling them there is a god. I agree, although I was raised by Atheidst parents who were happy to let me believe in Santa and the Fairies for as long as I wanted to pretend to.

LittleBella · 20/04/2008 20:02

Yes of course YABU. It is bonkers to feel a sense of entitlement about what other parents tell their kids.

onebatmother · 20/04/2008 20:08

DS 6 told me he didn't believe this year, and asked me outright. I did a 'ya got me bang to rights' face but told him to ask me again after a little think, as it's sometimes rather nice to half-believe something that's so much fun. He hasn't asked me again and I feel (unusually) quite pleased with how I handled it.

Re the OP, I really think that's out of your hands. My DS's teacher complained that he was telling other children that God didn't exist, and I had to more or less say that unless she could prove that God did exist I wasn't going to tell him to stop. I did, however, have a brief conversation with him about people who believe in God being a bit ...sensitive.

cory · 20/04/2008 20:10

It is perfectly possible to believe and not believe at the same time, to enjoy the magic even when you have been told the facts. It's known as suspension of disbelief. Adults do it too all the time.

Original poster
mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 20:13

i'm beginning to think maybe my views are outdated and perhaps i should think more of the implications of inventing a figure in dd's life...

littlebella i dont feel a sense of entitlement about what other parents tell their kids, who would?? it's just because i know if that child will know, my dd will know.

it's good to see people posting with experiences of their children believing what they want to believe though. and maybe it's not a healthy belief after all. but i'm glad i did believe. it's all food for thought. .

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 20/04/2008 20:13

I think stories and myths are wonderful and enchanting and important

I think insisting they are true after children are old enough to question them, is a bit odd really

but yes I have impressed on ds that it would be mean to tell people who believe in FC otherwise

I have also told him that their parents are quite likely to get cross if he does!

Original poster
mamalovesmojitos · 20/04/2008 20:17

lol re proof of god's existance! reading these posts i see i clearly need to take a chill pill.

OP posts:
cmotdibbler · 20/04/2008 20:19

I never believed in FC - my mum didn't believe in telling lies to children. I loved Christmas though. DS isn't going to be told about FC coming to the house or anything like that, and I suppose we will have a word about 'its a story that some people like to believe'. Mum always tells the story of an irate mother complaining to her that my brother aged 7 had told her child that FC didn't exist.

lisad123 · 20/04/2008 20:25

oh dear better kill me now, I told my daughter that santa, toothfairy and easter bunny arent real.
My belief, my child, my choice!

unknownrebelbang · 20/04/2008 20:33

Is this the earliest Christmas-related thread of the year?

I much prefer 'enchanting legend' to 'dimwit superstition'.

poodlepusher · 20/04/2008 20:40

Look,I don't think its going to make a world of difference to be honest. My parents actuall told me from the start that SOME people believe in this guy called Santa but not everyone did.

So I decided I was going to believe in him and that they could stuff it.

scottishmummy · 20/04/2008 20:51

Hysterical over reacting histrionics, lol what will you do when she finds out there is no god...never mind santa or tooth fairy, or happy ever after

redadmiral · 20/04/2008 21:04

OBM - Well done with your handling of that question. I got the same situation and totally blew it!

All I can say is that I'm NEVER going to tell anyone, be they 4 or 40, that Santa doesn't exist ever again....

OsmosisBanana · 20/04/2008 21:05

YANBU

onebatmother · 20/04/2008 21:36

redadmiral, thank you. But "be they 4 or 40" - dp still believes?

lilolilmanchester · 20/04/2008 21:39

Santa doesn't exist? Who brings all the presents then?

scottishmummy · 20/04/2008 21:54

my boyfriend!

sweetgrapes · 20/04/2008 22:09

Growing up in India I was the only house where FC visited in my area. And was I lucky!!! I believed in him till about 8/9. All the other houses where FC didn't go where nothing to do with me. He came to mine - that's all that mattered. We used to sweep the chimney for him every year.

My mum tells me this story about my neighbour crying one christmas that FC didn't visit her. So she was told that it's not FC.It's the parents. That made it even worse for her - "well then why don't you???" They had to take her shopping and buy her something to make her happy!

I guess it's the child who decided what to believe anyway!