Am at a loss to how to deal with 13 yo stealing

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My dd2 is 13 and I have no clue how to deal with her. I have tried everything, reminding her, telling her off, explaining to her why its not right, all to no effect. Grounding is nothing because she rarely goes out with friends, and its impossible to remove her phone.

She is really rude, like insulting and hurling personal attacks at her 16yo sister and me. Every night when we have dinner I get called a useless cook and she criticises everything I cook and refuses to finish her food.

The thing that bothers us most is she has the habit of stealing from her sister and I. She uses dd1's perfume without permission and she messes with her stuff. I strongly suspect she has stolen my money before and she definitely steals my skin care and make up from my wardrobe. I have no clue how to deal with her

''Some of this is typical teenage behaviour''

Its not though.

The phone needs to be taken away for as long as it takes to establish what the problem is. Until then, it sounds like this child is ruling the house. Do it for your DD1’s sake if nothing else.

No, it isn't.

Why not get the local community police officer to come chat with her - aka scare the living shit out of her. I know a friend who did that, worked a treat. Explain your issue to them- that it would be helping prevent someone who is vulnerable to criminality- it’s community outreach work so they should want to do it

In that case you need to lead her to her room and shut the door. Anything in there that she destroys doesn't get replaced.

You don’t want to make DH mad? Is this part of the problem? Why are you tip toeing around a man who is not helping and has no solutions? a man who isn’t around alot?

Whats the back story? Is this learned behaviour from her dad - ‘if I kick off I get my own way’.

You can get a padlock and holder quite cheap. You and DD1 can have a key. Your DD behaviour is getting out of hand - she needs to see the GP for referrals into the right services. You also need support is there a local youth counselling service locally (a free one) that can help her and you?

Ultimately if she gets violent I am sorry but you need to call the police. I also think you have a H issue too!

It sounds to me like you need to build a relationship with your daughter. I know this is incredibly unhelpful, but all I can think is how on earth have you let it get this bad? She is literally crying out for help and completely disrespects you, serious work is required on building bridges and boundaries. You sound like you’ve let her walk all over you!