Could this be passive aggressive fat shaming?

[Blueberryancakes]

Im a UK 20 and I feel the heat. I’m always a bit warm. My work gets very hot. Big windows and no ventilation.

I rarely put the air con on because as soon as I do some of the woman I work with complain it’s too cold. I bring a desk fan to
work with me and keep it aimed at me and no one else.
I work at a doctors surgery. Lots of the patients make comments about how hot it is in the waiting room. Some even wait outside.Very often woman patients always make a comment on my fan saying how they could never work with a fan as they’d be freezing. If the air con is turned on some woman will comment how cold it is.
I think FFS it’s not you that has to sit in here all day. Men never complain, never comment. It’s mainly middle aged
woman. Yes I’m fat, yes I get hot. I try my best to have a small discreet fan on my desk. But woman seem to make such a song and dance about it.
My husband said today he thinks it’s a passive aggressive way for them to call me fat.
Anyone else think there’s any truth in this?
Is it a way to come across ultra feminine to be cold?
Sorry if this come across bonkers?

I have actually.

I’m going to get ripped to shreds for admitting I found it offputting. 🤣 It was a boring dinner during which he had wittered on about how he kept in great shape and the final straw was when I asked if he ever ate anything indulgent. With a sort of wink and whisper he conceded that if he felt “very naughty” his secret vice was a low fat lemon yoghurt.” 🤨

And you see men out in inclement weather in shorts and T-shirts as well, out in the pouring rain with no rain gear of any type, etc…competitive manliness.

😂

Yep, my teeny tiny DH.

I've a cousin who's also a horrid teeny tiny, and he regularly pats his non-existent belly and says he couldn't manage another morsel.

You really want to make it a nasty thin women's group thing, don't you?

I think I was always a cold person just a lower BMI has made it worse. I don’t recall being very hot when I was larger but I was never this cold. I have a good tolerance of heat, I don’t mind hot countries and I am not at all uncomfortable being fully clothed in bed under a duvet and don’t sweat at night. My DP has always said I have blocks of ice for feet it’s just they never hurt this badly. @Calliopespa thanks I will work out what to do! I am not skinny but I obviously have less body fat, I do think my hormones are an issue - I have suffered with conditions related to excess oestrogen and I believe this is linked to Raynauds

Being cold isn’t exactly something I want to be competitive about, my hands go white and seize up and my feet get so cold they hurt. It’s not something that is fun and I don’t wish it upon other people it’s physically uncomfortable. I appreciate being hot isn’t much fun either but it doesn’t hurt or mean you can’t type on a keyboard? I can’t type if my fingers go white and bunging on a cardi doesn’t help. Having hot feet is uncomfortable but having no blood flow to your feet is painful.

I presume she was fat-shamed by one slim woman once and has now turned all thin woman into the enemy. It’s easier than addressing the real issue I guess.

That's the drift I'm catching, too. The fact she's still coming back and making the same redundant points, despite having it pointed out repeatedly on multiple occasions that this is literal fantasy.. it's unhealthy. The comments are becoming stranger, too. Now men only mention their small appetites in the realms of dream.

Oh I just realised why I feel cold no matter my weight…I have naturally low blood pressure. But I assume this is somewhat less common so most overweight people would feel the heat naturally?

Is there competitive blood pressure as well? Does this make me ultra dainty?

Yes it really is painful and I feel for you. It’s also hard to get on with your day in winter as your fingers don’t work properly.

You might be right about oestrogen as it has a complicated relationship with fat levels doesn’t it. I can see losing a lot might shake things up.

GASP! Do you have smelling salts and a fainting couch?! A very delicate, easily breakable one, of course! If not, quick! Perform to your fullest potential!

I also came to say this.

Not really. A pp just mentioned competitive manliness and I also agree with that. Small appetite= women. Large appetite= men. It's all part of annoying and tedious gender stereotypes. Like those competitive eating competitions....it's usually men isn't it. Also drinking pints versus drinking a glass of wine...again lots of stereotypes

In this case, I don't know but I have seen both always being cold and always being hot used competiitively....but then also the tropes of "oh I wish i could eat like you, if I eat half a pea I blow up like a balloon" and "Oh I am so lucky I can eat what I like, it must be a real struggle for you" and many other snarky comments....I gudess some people will use anything to try to humiliate others.

So you do agree that competitive under eating exists?

Seriously OP? Do you really believe people revolve around you to this extent? Your husband is the only one making comments about your weight.

On another note though, as a woman (presumably), please know that just like ‘men’, ‘women’ is the plural and just like ‘man’, woman’ is the singular. Blows my mind that there’s women out there who don’t get this. I’m dyslexic, maybe you are too, but it’s an easy one to learn.

You must either spend a lot of time on social media or not have a very wide variety of people in your social circle.

The men I know drink wine, and eat well. The women are happy to have a pint. They also eat well. Both men and women get cold and wear thick layers, cover their knuckles with their sleeves, and moan about it. They live happy, balanced lives filled with a myriad of interesting things. No one is doing pie eating competitions, pissing up walls, or belching the alphabet. Nor are they shivering daintily and nibbling a rice cracker to piss off the fat women.

Who is saying things like this that often to you? Why are you spending time with them?!
'I'd be worried if anyone said they ate 'half a pea and blew up' or is that totally fantasy made up?

No. Can you not read sarcasm? How on earth does my comment about my cousin being full and saying he couldn't eat another mouthful mean I agree with you? 😂

The world is changing and certain things are becoming totally normal for men and women to do. But I still think a lady of an older generation probably wouldn't order a pint in a pub or restaurant. An older man might have a glass of wine with his meal but if he was just standing at the bar, he probably wouldn't order a single glass of wine. Younger people are less bothered by such things.

I would say no, some people are just hot and others cold. I am thin and always hot, and always having thermostat wars with DH who is not thin and always cold.

You must either spend a lot of time on social media or not have a very wide variety of people in your social circle.
And these people must be very unpleasant, given how much of their time is being spent on being vicious and humiliating to these posters.

Right. I'd list off all the people of an "older generation" I know who do just those things, but I don't really see the point. I think if you decided the sky was green, you'd just keep saying it until you got tired.

A new person at my work has taken to having the staff room windows open and its bloody Baltic.
Funnily it's a man, who is on the bigger side though .

I don't complain but fume inwardly. I am a person that's always cold. Nothing to do with femininity.
I have infact lost a whack of weight lately , but it's not that, I felt the cold a lot when I was big as well . I am just a chilly person .

It's just too cold for some folk and that does make them grumpy. I don't think it's a personal fattist attack

The comments have gone from just cold women to now making vast, sweeping stereotypes. I think this thread has run its course tbh, it's becoming unhinged and almost a way for certain people to just let their self loathing ooze out.

It definitely exists! And it is really annoying! It is like it's 'not the done thing' to be hungry/hot/whatever.