Would you find this comment rude?

[Winterrush]

I went to a family event on Saturday and my younger cousin (22) made a comment that I thought was rude, but maybe I'm just being sensitive. Please let me know your thoughts.

For context, I had a rubbish time in school, I was bullied for years and ended up bunking off half the time. I don't even remember taking any exams but I must have and obviously didn't get very good grades. I chose not to go to college/university and went straight into a full time job instead. I've always worked and been sensible with money/saved up for things and supported myself without any family help.

My cousin is very intelligent, good grades in school and is currently in university. She worked part time for a couple of months last year but apart from that her parents have supported her financially. Holidays, clothes, phones, driving lessons and they bought her a car when she passed her test. She's spoilt (her mother's words, not mine).

Anyway, I own a 10 year old BMW that wasn't expensive (compared to what a lot of people pay for cars nowadays) but as the previous owner modified it and had it wrapped it does look newer. She must have seen my car and said to me "How is it that I went to school and got grades, yet you're the one driving round in a BMW". She caught me off guard so I didn't say anything, but wish I'd said "because I work". So because I didn't get good grades in school I can't have anything nice, that's how I took it anyway.

Would this piss you off?

I don’t have experience in this kind of thing. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t look down their nose at me if I was driving a BMW.

It's rude and she lacks common sense. University doesn't mean a guaranteed job and certain salary.

Just say book smarts get you grades, street smarts get you BMWs and smile. It'll kill the conversation.

It's not about you it's about the person who said it... always. Forget it.

I got asked how I could afford a 50k car! I owned my own business and sd it and treated myself when I retired. I was only 42 when I retired and people are also furious about this too!

Why didn't you say what you were thinking, she obviously did. Something along the lines of 'because whilst you were at school, I was working'

Sounds like jealousy envy rather than rude to me which you should take as a compliment! :)

I think it was a (very) clumsy compliment attempt over something you are a little sensitive over.

I would take that as a compliment 😊

She sounds like a prize twunt and I don't think it was meant as a compliment at all, especially given the wider context of her relationships with you/the family.
You'd have been well within your rights to say, 'Because unlike you I work for a living you cow'.

That's exactly the sort of comment a spoilt person would make

I agree - clumsy attempt at a compliment whoever said that

Off-topic but…Is Nardo gray the battleship gray we saw on half the cars we saw last weekend while visiting northern England from an adjacent island? If so, it’s extremely popular 😂 Is it typically a wrap rather than a manufacturer colour?

BTW @Winterrush I think the person who made the comment sounds deeply unpleasant!

Perspective. Maybe she even meant it as a compliment; ‘I’m studying hard, but you did well without’.

sometimes, we interpret things in the context of our own perception. Maybe she’s worried that her laborious studies won’t be so fruitful. Perhaps, you feel that you could have / should have done better. So, you took it according to where your head is.

I feel that I was a pretty successful student but after kids, I failed myself. Hugely. I tell myself that we each have our own set of variables to deal with and we are each on our own journey.

Absolute top response. Fantastic.

She threw the first punch and you stopped her on her tracks.

It was a passive aggressive comment she made and whatever your response was it was totally deserved.

Good grief! What a terrifying life you must lead if everyone who makes a clumsy attempt at small talk is... D A N G E R O U S ! !

I don't it it's rude if anything it sounds curious,confused maybe tad jealous like she's working hard academically and not where she wants to be in life yet and is just wondering other people have tried less hard and are managing to have nice lives/things. That comment was about herself not you I think

OP didn't respond though

No. She's saying that you are doing as well, or better, and than her, despite her advantages. Be proud. I had a very successful work life despite having a start similar to yours. You're doing well.

I agree! Spoilt little madam!

You should be really proud of yourself.

As someone else has pointed out, she sounds jealous, and jealous people are dangerous. Even if she wasn't intentionally rude, her mask was slipping.

Good for you! I admire your strength of character, dedication & sheer hard work. Your cousin sounds thoughtless and self-absorbed.
I know which one of you I'd be proud to know!

She sounds insensitive but take it in the vein of a clumsy comment. Be proud of what you have achieved.

Good on you OP for doing well for yourself. In your position, I wouldn't give the comment any more thought. She's clearly just jealous.

I wouldn’t be worrying about what the 22 year old cousin thinks or says, I’d be worrying about the attitude if the parents that have made her think less of your academic record (and therefore of you). It rather sounds as if they’ve used you as a cautionary tale while she was growing up …