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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you find this comment rude?

131 replies

Winterrush · 16/09/2024 17:30

I went to a family event on Saturday and my younger cousin (22) made a comment that I thought was rude, but maybe I'm just being sensitive. Please let me know your thoughts.

For context, I had a rubbish time in school, I was bullied for years and ended up bunking off half the time. I don't even remember taking any exams but I must have and obviously didn't get very good grades. I chose not to go to college/university and went straight into a full time job instead. I've always worked and been sensible with money/saved up for things and supported myself without any family help.

My cousin is very intelligent, good grades in school and is currently in university. She worked part time for a couple of months last year but apart from that her parents have supported her financially. Holidays, clothes, phones, driving lessons and they bought her a car when she passed her test. She's spoilt (her mother's words, not mine).

Anyway, I own a 10 year old BMW that wasn't expensive (compared to what a lot of people pay for cars nowadays) but as the previous owner modified it and had it wrapped it does look newer. She must have seen my car and said to me "How is it that I went to school and got grades, yet you're the one driving round in a BMW". She caught me off guard so I didn't say anything, but wish I'd said "because I work". So because I didn't get good grades in school I can't have anything nice, that's how I took it anyway.

Would this piss you off?

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 16/09/2024 19:01

It was a very childish comment, but maybe innocent.
As such I would have emphasised her immaturity by saying with a smile ‘aah sweetheart, that’s so cute of you to say’ and just left it hanging there, no doubt leaving her a bit confused as what to say next 😁

But that’s just me… I do sometimes like gently fucking with people, just for the sport of it 😂

lovenotwar149 · 16/09/2024 19:01

It sounds a bit digging imo but tone is important here. I think I would be hurt too

SikhiTryer · 16/09/2024 19:03

I’d assume it was meant as a joke. Life’s too short to get offended by something like this.

Original poster
Winterrush · 16/09/2024 19:03

Thanks again for replying, I really appreciate all the lovely comments.

To answer some of your questions, I'm 28. I moved out of my parents home when I was 19, rented for a few years and then bought my first home in 2022.

I wouldn't say we're close, we use to be but things changed as we got older. I think she looks down on our family (not just me that feels this way) as we're just a normal working family, not wealthy or anything but we have family in London who work in the film industry and have done very well for themselves financially. I think she wants to be like them as she's studying a similar subject in uni.

She doesn't really make an effort with our side of the family apart from birthdays and Christmas (we think because she wants presents off us - she actually came to ours last year for Christmas, turned up, had dinner, asked if we could open presents even though she'd not bought any gifts herself, just assumed we'd all bought gifts for her and then asked her mum if they could leave 10 minutes after opening her gifts). I don't think she even knows what I do for work as she's never asked me or tried to make conversation about my life, it's always about her. I stopped making an effort on birthdays/Christmas after her 21st as I never got a thank you. I don't think she's wished me a happy birthday in years or even bought me a card. A few people (my uncle, older cousin, mum) made comments last year after her 21st as she didn't acknowledge/thank anyone for gifts, cash etc.

I don't want to fall out with her and try not to say anything back because I'm very close to my auntie (she's not like that at all) and I don't want to upset her by falling out with her daughter. That's why I tend to keep my mouth shut.

OP posts:
Saltedbutter · 16/09/2024 19:06

Again, depends on tone and your relationship. From most of my cousins I’d have laughed and given them some shit back.

ChiliFiend · 16/09/2024 19:07

I can definitely see that being a misguided attempt at a compliment (like meaning "you're proof that grades don't matter!") - but impossible to know without knowing what she's like.

BishyBarnyBee · 16/09/2024 19:08

I think it's rude. She's saying "I think I'm better than you because I'm more academic and I think it's unfair you have nicer things than I do".

But she sounds young, self centred and socially unaware. She might improve as she gets older. But not necessarily.

Choochoo21 · 16/09/2024 19:09

I would have absolutely replied back saying it’s because you work hard to be able to afford nice things, even if in a jokey way.

She is not better than you just because she’s educated on paper.

University is not suited to everyone, which is why there is such a big push for T levels and apprenticeships etc.
We all learn in different ways.

Well done you for working hard and overcoming your issues from school.

Awrite · 16/09/2024 19:09

Definitely rude.

Yes, she's saying you shouldn't have nice things. Certainly shouldn't have better things than her.

Those saying she's young. Nah, my uni age dd wouldn't dream of being so crass.

fetchacloth · 16/09/2024 19:10

TheStroppyFeminist · 16/09/2024 17:37

It was honest and thoughtless but not rude. It's also pretty small in the scheme of things, let it go!

I agree. She's only 22 and has a bit of growing up to do yet so I'd let it go too.😎

Noseybookworm · 16/09/2024 19:11

I don't think it was rude - it was a jokey comment and you sound like you're a little oversensitive.

Pomegranatecarnage · 16/09/2024 19:11

Yes, it’s a nasty comment. I did very well in school and University but earn less than all my friends because they worked really hard setting up businesses. I’d never dream of making a comment like that. Your cousin sounds unpleasant.

C152 · 16/09/2024 19:12

Yes, it would. It's rude, entitled and ignorant.

redtrain123 · 16/09/2024 19:15

If it’s a one- off comment, then let it go.

In many ways, she’s complimenting you for doing so well, considering you haven’t had the advantages she’s had, plus also expressing disappointment in her lack of achievement.

It sounds like one if those foot-in -mouth comments.

JustFoldInTheCheeseDavid · 16/09/2024 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Vile comment!!

honeylulu · 16/09/2024 19:30

Yes it's a bit rude but essentially she's envious of you (which is a tiny bit satisfying, no?)

My sister was always the golden girl, top grades, very academic etc. I was made to feel like my family didn't expect me to amount to much. But once academia was over my sister floundered whilst I enjoyed the world of work and flourished.

A few years ago she said sourly "you've got the life everyone expected me to have". I think your cousin might be similar - she was used to getting the best of everything and is peeved that you are doing well/better. She thinks she deserves it (because she is special) and you don't. But as you say there's no magic to it, try working a FT job!

choccytime · 16/09/2024 19:31

@Pocketlint get back to your homework

alpacachino · 16/09/2024 19:34

In all honesty I think you both need to get over school. It was ages ago. I suggest counselling for you and learning basic manners for your cousin

Butchyrestingface · 16/09/2024 19:36

She caught me off guard so I didn't say anything, but wish I'd said "because I work

Next time, say it.

pikkumyy77 · 16/09/2024 19:37

Having read all OP’s posts of course it was rude and it was meant to be. It was meant to put OP in her place as uneducated and (rightfully) unsuccessful. It makes me think of “thin privilege “ when thin women attack and humiliate women who don’t obsess about weight or who are not conventionally attractive and say “I work hard for this body how come you got a good boyfriend?” Its a kind of just world fallacy. She is saying “in a just world I have everything and you don’t.”

Your cousin is a right little bitch.

PineappleRingpiece · 16/09/2024 19:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Winterrush · 16/09/2024 19:40

@alpacachino to be honest, I'm over it and have been for years. I only brought it up because of that comment. I don't think about school or the past that much otherwise.

OP posts:
WhiteTowel · 16/09/2024 19:42

My cousin used to say stuff like this constantly. Could be about who got more sleep that night or who's sink had more washing up in it and it always somehow turned into 'well I WENT TO UNI and you didnt' i dont talk to her anymore. Funny because at one point we were both single mums on benefits but of course she was LESS disgusting as she had a degree. Or when she got cheated on it was MORE disgraceful as she had a bit of student debt😂. Lifes nicer without people like that, the intent and undertone is malicious.

HesterRoon · 16/09/2024 19:52

Yes I think it’s rude, it would take me aback.

ThanksHunPenneys · 16/09/2024 19:54

.. she actually came to ours last year for Christmas, turned up, had dinner, asked if we could open presents even though she'd not bought any gifts herself, just assumed we'd all bought gifts for her and then asked her mum if they could leave 10 minutes after opening her gifts

See this puts a different spin on it! She sounds like a horrible little madam - I wouldn't have anything more to do with her.