Husband is buying a car when I don't think he should.

[Adeil]

I'm really not sure if I am being unreasonable here and would appreciate your thoughts.

This morning my husband sent me a message of links to cars to buy, out of the blue.

So, he's decided we need a second car. His reasoning:

• our current one is too small
• our current one is old
• it means we can both go to different places if we want to

He's right, the car is too small (it's a Corsa), realistically, for two kids and the dog, but we manage.
It's also old, but it keeps going and doesn't really cost a lot or need much work.

So, I agree we could upgrade our current car, maybe get something a bit newer and a bit bigger. He's insistent we need a second car. Because "it means we can both go to different places".
The things is, I just don't think this is likely, we've been fine with one car for the past 10 yrs (admittedly, I only learnt to drive last year).
However, we either WFH or commutes to London - via bike, then train.
I do sometimes drive to work, but more often I bike. Both my work and the train station are walkable from our house.

At the weekend we tend to do things as a family, or one of us will take one of the kids to football club, for example.

So why would we need a second car!?
He's now basically told me, he's going to do it anyway and I'm really frustrated about it.

Technically speaking, it would be bought with money he earnt freelancing, but he's not really explained how he plans on running both cars. So I assume he's expecting me to take over costs for one - I'm not sure I could afford it tbh, but if I can then I don't want to anyway.

I'm really upset (possibly irrationally so) but I just feel like he's made this very expensive decision without even consulting me and honestly think the money (which, is not mine, but I did facilitate him earling it in that I took on all the extra childcare whilst he was working etc) could be better spent elsewhere.
I'm starting to really question our marriage (not just because of this) and I don't know if I'm being massive irrational or not?

Tell him you will not be paying out for a second car ... tax, insurance etc etc etc

Now you can drive, the chances are that the pattern of your life will change.
a second car is a good idea if you can afford it.
He clearly thinks you can. That’s what needs to be discussed.
Until then, you are just sounding a little stubborn and trying to stop him from doing something he really wants to do (and has maybe been waiting for for a long time, while you weren’t able to drive.)

I expect his response would be “Fine”. Mine would be.

An average of 1.23 doesn’t mean most people have two cars.

My DHs parents have 2 cars I’ve just remembered but I don’t know anyone else personally who has two cars and even looking at the cars up my road on people’s drives (and I live on a long road) the majority have one car.

But regardless, even if most people in the U.K. did run two cars, it’s still a luxury spend unless you have no choice because of work. If you are doing it just because you prefer it then that’s the definition of unnecessary and luxury. Cars are expensive and most people do not NEED two cars. Most people don’t even need one. And you certainly don’t need to latest new car on a PCP.

The posts to the country really demonstrate how the whole country has had a huge lifestyle creep and think things like two cars, haircuts, beauty treatments, regular takeout coffees and eating out or takeaways, etc etc etc are all “the norm” and so mean they are longer luxuries. This isn’t correct.

So, by the same token, having one or more children is a ‘luxury’, ditto central heating, fast broadband etc. None of these are a need, just a want. A luxury perhaps.

I’ve always had my own car and I’d find it totally stifling not having my own car to use as I please. I cycle to work most days as I’m not lazy but it’s reassuring to know it’s there if I wish to drive in.

In this case the OP feels she is the sole arbiter of what is, and what isn’t, necessary. This sounds controlling to me. Her DH could easily have turned it all round and told her to get her own car now she can drive (and pay for it with her own earnings). Instead, he has adapted to the new circumstances by proposing to buy another car so he continues to have the choice and freedom to drive when he wants to. If done with his own earnings, no worries…

Since when was a haircut a luxury?

"But regardless, even if most people in the U.K. did run two cars, it’s still a luxury spend unless you have no choice because of work. If you are doing it just because you prefer it then that’s the definition of unnecessary and luxury. Cars are expensive and most people do not NEED two cars. Most people don’t even need one. And you certainly don’t need to latest new car on a PCP."

i don't consider two cars a luxury spend, i never will. It's as essential to us to live our lives as heating and broadband.
we'd have utterly crap lives if we didn't have two cars. None of our hobbies, no freedom, complete change of lifestyle i'd hate.

None of our cars are financed, or bought with loans.

It's an alien concept to me that people don't drive, or share cars. never heard of it until MN!

Same here I dont know any couples who only have one car between them apart from my parents now but thats becuase they're in their late 80s and my mum gave up driving decades ago

Theres also such an assumption about cost, I see posters making reference to a 'huge monthly cost'. I said much further upthread, we're currently looking for a replacement car for one of ours, top cost will be 5k max, in fact I think my search criteria is up to 4k. Bought outright, same as all my other cars which were also under 5k each.

Cars are expensive and most people do not NEED two cars. Most people don’t even need one.

lol, you must either live in an area with excellent public transport or some kind of parallel universe. For huge numbers of peoples, cars are an absolute necessity - and most don't have brand new ones either.

Exactly, what's the huge cost people are referring to? Car bought outright, tax is £30 a year, then fuel (about £60 a month average) and insurance at £40 - it's vastly cheaper than using any kind of public transport, that's for sure!

Well for most people the money just doesn't appear out of thin air, so they have to find several thousand pounds to pay for the car. Then it's only certain types where tax is £30 a year, mine is close to £200 and it's a tiny, very efficient car.

The DH is talking about buying something bigger than a Corsa and they live near London, so their insurance might be more than £40 pm too. All for a car that's going to be parked up 95% of the time and barely used.

God I cannot imagine having to burst my arse at work 40 hours+ per week and then be told by my spouse that I can’t buy something that I want because they don’t deem it necessary enough.

Fuck that for a laugh.

Running two cars gives you a lot more flexibility. My car sits outside a lot of the time now I work hybrid but it means if DP ends up stuck at work and DS needs to be somewhere it's not a problem. DP is going away for the weekend soon and it means we don't have to make arrangements around that.

My car is older but it's paid for now. Insurance, tax and petrol costs me around £120 a month. DP has their own costs but if we were to buy a new car between us the overall costs wouldn't be much less. It is a bit of a luxury running two cars but it's a choice that offers a lot of convenience.

Well, you were happy for him to cart your arse around for God knows how many years until you finally decided to learn to drive, so I think he's now entitled to a car of his own if he wants one!

Not enough info here. Is he buying the car outright? What kind is it? How much is it? Can you afford it? If the latter is yes then I don’t see what the problem is.

My car is £190 a year tax, £250 ish a year insurance, £50 a month petrol, £120 for service and mot and this year needed a cambelt replacement as its 5 years old which was £450

My car is 5 years old and I've had it from new so it still costs money to run. I drive it 3 days a week

We've only got a second car because DH has a company car and he works from home

I've got a 1.2 litre car and my tax is way more than 30 quid! Insurance 40 quid? What do you drive?

Checked my figures for this year:
180 tax
520 insurance
290 Mot and service
500 fuel (approx 40 a month)
200 parking ( approx 4 a week)

So approx 1700 a year.

Well tbf he did consult you but you don't agree. Someone here isn't getting their way so there's not really a right or wrong answer. And how old are the kids ? I think you're going to find as they get older, they're going to have activities in different places and having a second car will be a blessing.

Mine is car loan 196 insurance 89 , service plan 16 and fuel about 60

As the sole driver for 9 years, I would see the car as mine tbh and wouldn’t expect to share it. You getting your own car when you passed your test would be a natural assumption for me.

how would a second car change your lives?

can you afford it, inc the insurance tax and maintenance?

can you even get much for the Corsa? If it’s an old manual car, it’s unlikely.

I think more discussions need to be had. I swore down we didn’t need two cars and husbands car was fine, but our circumstances became pressing and now I have my own car, I can’t begin to tell you how much easier it is for our family. No more late nights from work, multiple public transport to get there and back, no more seriously early mornings for school runs, and weekends being so much more freeing while the other person is at work. These are just examples, but consider what positives it would bring to you.

You’ll not get much if anything for part exchanging an old corsa so you may as well keep it for a wee runaround when the other one of you has the main car. I don’t know any couple now who have kids and dogs etc and just the one car. As the kids get older they might have more activities and you’ll be glad if the second car. I think your husband is being sensible about this and for some reason you’re digging your heels in.

I'm a bit late to this thread but think a lot of people are thinking 'two cars is normal' rather than thinking that you both wfh and if you don't, you're cycling and walking to the station at the moment even when the car is available. So you're both currently actively choosing to not use your current car as much as you could. Which is why buying a second, for it to sit untouched, is an issue. Particularly if he is not going to add you to the insurance and doesn't take the kids out much, how can he say you need a bigger car, if he is going to be the only one using it, and leaving you to ferry the kids around in the corsa?

I'd be pissed off at anyone making a unilateral decision about a big purchase, assuming you share finances. And where you disagree, surely in a partnership you should be discussing, showing that you hear each others views, and both trying to reach a suitable compromise. Does he realise he is telling you that your views don't matter at all? He has said basically 'you want x, I want y, so we are doing y'. That's really hurtful behaviour

What I'd sat in these circumstances is ok, let's look into it, and monitor for a few months (winter is ideal as not as nice for walking or cycling) and use taxis where we need to use a second car (as long as its done reasonably eg still walking 5 min to the corner shop rather than insisting that a taxi is needed to prove his point). Tot up the costs and see how the costs of a car, including mot, service, repairs and insurance, compare to the costs of taxis, snd whether the extra £££ is worth it to have slightly more convenience

I'd also be asking what the plan is when the corsa is older. Is he expecting you to pay for all the repairs and a new car because its 'your' car and he wont put you on the insurance on the new one? Is he potentially saddling you with a big financial liability?