Husband is buying a car when I don't think he should.

[Adeil]

I'm really not sure if I am being unreasonable here and would appreciate your thoughts.

This morning my husband sent me a message of links to cars to buy, out of the blue.

So, he's decided we need a second car. His reasoning:

• our current one is too small
• our current one is old
• it means we can both go to different places if we want to

He's right, the car is too small (it's a Corsa), realistically, for two kids and the dog, but we manage.
It's also old, but it keeps going and doesn't really cost a lot or need much work.

So, I agree we could upgrade our current car, maybe get something a bit newer and a bit bigger. He's insistent we need a second car. Because "it means we can both go to different places".
The things is, I just don't think this is likely, we've been fine with one car for the past 10 yrs (admittedly, I only learnt to drive last year).
However, we either WFH or commutes to London - via bike, then train.
I do sometimes drive to work, but more often I bike. Both my work and the train station are walkable from our house.

At the weekend we tend to do things as a family, or one of us will take one of the kids to football club, for example.

So why would we need a second car!?
He's now basically told me, he's going to do it anyway and I'm really frustrated about it.

Technically speaking, it would be bought with money he earnt freelancing, but he's not really explained how he plans on running both cars. So I assume he's expecting me to take over costs for one - I'm not sure I could afford it tbh, but if I can then I don't want to anyway.

I'm really upset (possibly irrationally so) but I just feel like he's made this very expensive decision without even consulting me and honestly think the money (which, is not mine, but I did facilitate him earling it in that I took on all the extra childcare whilst he was working etc) could be better spent elsewhere.
I'm starting to really question our marriage (not just because of this) and I don't know if I'm being massive irrational or not?

Why would she say this? Her DH has been the only person "running the kids around" for the 9 of the last 10 years!

OP, I think he is looking to the future and seeing the convenience of having to cars. It's not always fun being the only driver and I bet he has occasionally felt frustrated at that. Now you can also drive, why wouldn't you take advantage of the convenience of both having a car?

You are also about to take access to a car away from him for a number of days whilst you go away. So, again, you are not being inconvenienced by only having one car, but your DH is

Before purchasing a second car he needs to investigate how much tax and insurance is going to cost. Work out these costs on a monthly basis. If a second car is going to cost 100 quid a month before you've even bought fuel, he needs to work out if it is worth it financially. If the second car is only going to be used weekends that's 25 quid a weekend.

You say he's not considering you or the kids. Are you actually considering him here?

Just for an alternative perspective...you're complaining that he's just made this decision on his own, but that's the exact same reality in which you want the right to veto his choice regardless of his justification for wanting the second car. Those are the exact same thing from two different sides.

If it's affordable, then there's no reason not to - especially, as somebody else mentioned, it's going to be useful as the kids get older. They'll almost certainly have different activities, and the logistics of it will inevitably mean that one of you ends up spending the whole day running around ferrying kids about, as opposed to splitting the duties and both of you having most of your day free.

As an example of why it's actually a really good idea - he's taken one of the kids out (say, to a sports thing), and you're at home with the other. Kid 2 has a serious accident requiring an immediate visit to A&E. You now have to hope there's a taxi free, which is usually going to be a 10-20 minute wait (round here, at least) or call an ambulance (maybe an hour or two), as opposed to just chucking the kid in the car and going. I've had this exact thing happen in both circumstances, and believe me...the outcome was far better when I had my own car.

As to the last bit...if your justification for the veto is that you want to make sure he's stuck in the house and can't go anywhere without you, then you need to give your head a wobble.

He's probably making the decision now as you are taking the car for a week leaving him with no means of transport. If I had spent 9 out of 10 years having to drive everyone around and then had my car taken away at random points then I wouldn't be too happy.

She hasn't said he's got a disability, so presumably he's got legs, and from the sound of it bike, trains. Taxis. He's got the same options she had before she could drive.
I don't think being a single week without a car constitutes 'no means of transport' from what she's described.

We had one car for years. It was leased in my husband’s name but me on insurance. I wanted my own car. I wanted my own no claims and insurance record, my husband is in a band so I wanted my own little car where I could leave the parcel shelf because I wasn’t taking equipment in and out. I could decide how clean it was and my seat didn’t have to keep being adjusted all the time. I had my budget. I pay for my car. He pays for his. Might sound silly but he agreed because he could see why. I don’t see why you would have an issue.

That makes sense. It's not the same situation as the OP describes. She doesn't really want his&hers cars, just one sensible family one.

I still don’t see the issue. My husband’s car would be our family one. Mine is just mine.

This is what we did - until DS1 passed his test. We only had one car for years. Occasionally we used a taxi - but often walked or used the bus. A second car is expensive if you don’t need one 99 per cent of the time.

So for almost a decade he had his own car which he used for whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, around family commitments? Now you can drive and you share his car? I can see his point.

We couldn't cope without 2 cars 🤷🏽‍♀️

I don't know anyone who shares a car with their spouse tbh, I've been thinking about it for a few minutes

When my children are 17 they'll have their own cars too.. I'm not sharing my car lol

I'm team dh here. He has always had his own car and now you have learned to drive, you haven't got your own and are using his. I don't think he has gone about this the best way, but I can see why he does want two cars.

Why don't you see in a few months how much the corsa gets used once there is a second car that is more suited to a family? You can always sell it later if it's a waste. You won't get much for a 10 year old hatchback anyway, so it won't make much difference to the purchase price of you don't part exchange.

i love how instantly pp's are saying he only wants a 2nd car becuase he wants to have his own jaunts out etc implying he only wants the car so he can cheat.. or that he can shirk his responsibility as a parent and a father???

he's been the only driver for 10 years, the OP can now drive, the OP is taking the car for something leaving him with no transport.. he probably feels like he has had his wings clipped.

i bet if a man posted this.. the replies with 'she needs her independance, why are you not supporting her?'

damaned if you do and damned if you don't!

So I assume he's expecting me to take over costs for one

Obviously this is the first thing you need to clarify. And make it clear that you won't be!

I understand how you feel. If you've managed with one car for ten years then why change things now?
We're a one car family. Always have been and it's absolutely fine. We either do stuff together or I manage fine without a car if he's using it. I walk everywhere. I walk to work, to the shops. I simply never need the car when he's using it.
I'd be abboyed if DH just bought another car because to me the money cam be used better elsewhere.

You might have managed with one car before now (and mostly one driver as you only passed your test last year) but what about going forward?

Your kids are growing up and with two drivers in the family, it makes sense to have a car per adult so that you can split all the inevitable lifts and transporting you'll be doing.

I also wouldn't be happy if DH took our only car and left me without all week, as a one off or not.

I understand how you feel. If you've managed with one car for ten years then why change things now?

Because OP never drove until a year ago @SallyWD, so they didn't need two cars?

You're not being irrational

It's a joint decision, if you're not on board he definitely would be wrong to buy it

If, on the other hand, he's paying for both cars yet she's getting to drive one for free (assumed from her statement that she won't pay for a car) - and the other is paid for by his business - why does she get a veto?

It's unreasonable not to consider your opinion, but totally reasonable to want two cars. Especially as you have two DCs. I would find it really annoying not having two.

That seems rather controlling. He shouldn’t be allowed out and about like a grown adult as he has done in the past, unless it accords with the OP’s views on family/kids needs. If the roles were reversed, there’d be uproar and the OP would be told to call Women’s Aid.

If he can afford it and wants to spend his own money on a second car for what is now a two driver household, then why not?

Leaving aside that I wouldn't have entertained a partner for 9 years who couldn't drive (for no good reason and assuming you don't live in London) YABVU. He might have had his own car the whole of his adult life and suddenly you want to make it unavailable to him? Having an extra driver in the family should lighten his load not add to it.

I’m not sure there’s much point to part-ex an old beaten up Corsa, or if you’d even be able to. Probably best flogging it cheap or scrapping.

He’s going to be all week without a car because you’re away. I can see why he wants a second. But we’re a petrolhead family with a bit of a fleet, and the idea of sharing one car is somewhat alien to me.

I’m with you OP. Seems very wasteful to run two cars. I see my neighbours with two cars and they very rarely use them both at the same time.

I couldn't stand not having 2 cars. And if dh was heading away for 3/4 days and leaving me carless l would be looking at buying another. This is what brought it to a head. Things have changed since you learnt to drive. Who decided you could go off with the car for so long?
I am with dh here.