Husband is buying a car when I don't think he should.

[Adeil]

I'm really not sure if I am being unreasonable here and would appreciate your thoughts.

This morning my husband sent me a message of links to cars to buy, out of the blue.

So, he's decided we need a second car. His reasoning:

• our current one is too small
• our current one is old
• it means we can both go to different places if we want to

He's right, the car is too small (it's a Corsa), realistically, for two kids and the dog, but we manage.
It's also old, but it keeps going and doesn't really cost a lot or need much work.

So, I agree we could upgrade our current car, maybe get something a bit newer and a bit bigger. He's insistent we need a second car. Because "it means we can both go to different places".
The things is, I just don't think this is likely, we've been fine with one car for the past 10 yrs (admittedly, I only learnt to drive last year).
However, we either WFH or commutes to London - via bike, then train.
I do sometimes drive to work, but more often I bike. Both my work and the train station are walkable from our house.

At the weekend we tend to do things as a family, or one of us will take one of the kids to football club, for example.

So why would we need a second car!?
He's now basically told me, he's going to do it anyway and I'm really frustrated about it.

Technically speaking, it would be bought with money he earnt freelancing, but he's not really explained how he plans on running both cars. So I assume he's expecting me to take over costs for one - I'm not sure I could afford it tbh, but if I can then I don't want to anyway.

I'm really upset (possibly irrationally so) but I just feel like he's made this very expensive decision without even consulting me and honestly think the money (which, is not mine, but I did facilitate him earling it in that I took on all the extra childcare whilst he was working etc) could be better spent elsewhere.
I'm starting to really question our marriage (not just because of this) and I don't know if I'm being massive irrational or not?

I don't think part exchanging an old corsa will make any difference. It probably isn't worth anything but scrap.

I've always had my own car and I really wouldn't want to have to share with DH. I love being able to just get in and go without having to think about whether someone else will need it for something more important while I'm gone.

I know you say it's very rare that you both need it at the same time but maybe he just wants that independence. As long as he can pay for it from his own income without it impacting the family, I'd just let him get on with it.

You need to look at actual figures with him, and look at where the money is coming from / is it a priority compared to something else you want.
I can see his point of view in that there are loads of reasons to have two cars - especially if one is old and doesn't have much resale / trade-in value, it is often more convenient, cheaper, and more reliable (in the sense of always having at least one car when you need it) to have two, than to try to replace with one all singing all dancing car which will cost a lot more. And it's unusual that you think you will never go anywhere separately, unless for some implied nefarious reason of his - I think you perhaps just think this because you have only recently started to drive and are not quite used to what a huge convenience it is, just to be able to get in your car and go.
As your kids get older and want to go to more and more things of their own (clubs, social stuff) it will be more and more annoying if someone has to drop them / collect them and the other has no access to transport for that time.
If one car conks out you cancel tax and insurance and get a refund so you don't pay for them on a "dead" car (like you can still be paying for a phone on a contract if you have lost it).

Really you need to both sit down, with actual numbers, and really consider the opposite point of view. He doesn't get to make unilateral decisions about family money (it is family money, because you supported him to earn it).

You don't get to make unilateral decisions about everyone's time and leisure for the next few years - you can't say "no second car, FINIS" without even discussing it because that carries loads of other consequences with it that he may not be happy with, eg: you can only go somewhere as individuals with sometimes complex negotiations; you will be stuck if / when the current car conks out, with no back up; only one person will be able to do all the driving of kids around (no chance for one person to drop a kid on the way out to something they want to do, and someone else do the pick up, for instance) - which just means that for someone all the time on a given Saturday can be reduced to useless rags between all the to-and-fro. There is an element here of someone who is not used to driving, but is used to being driven, I am tentatively suggesting, and by having two cars you can have a lot more flexibility and freedom collectively, though it may feel like less to you as an individual

Apologies if I have missed this, but what kind of cars is he looking at? Are we talking a newer Corsa or a Ford Fiesta or some little (flash but impractical) sporty convertible..?

This changes things massively op.

The new car wouldn't even be for family if he's not getting car seats and putting you on the insurance. How come he gets a shiney new bigger thing and yet for family visits you'll have to use the old car anyway. His justification makes no sense.

You seem resigned to it - why don't you have a say?

I'm still worried that you say you'll be expected to take on the costs and you can't afford it,

Time for some tough words to him.

Just as an aside, if one of you DC is disabled, will you need a mobility vehicle in the future?

A large part of me learning to drive was that DS is disabled and regular hospital trips when DH wasn't around ( at work, etc) to drive us was getting annoying.

Doesn’t this back up his argument about the need for a second car though?

This thread! We've always had one car and managed just fine. Vary few people need two cars (an example would be where one person has to drive to work leaving the other person at home and without a car all week). And running cars is really really expensive so unless you are flush and don't need the money for other things it's a luxury. I can't quite believe people are saying it's not a luxury, and others reasoning for having two cars that they just don't want to share their car?!?

Vary few people need two cars (an example would be where one person has to drive to work leaving the other person at home and without a car all week)

Or an example being all the couples where both people need a car to drive work…

Very few people need two cars??

I have a life away from my partner too, we have 4 cars.

2 car house holds is the standard, definitely not luxury, i dont know anybody that shares cars.

i'd feel extremely trapped with just one car, in fact, i couldnt live my lovely life if we did

Yes two cars is a luxury. I don’t know anyone with two cars and we are relatively comfortable. Comparing yourself just to people you know then assuming that is the norm and therefore not luxury is a.false comparison. Have you worked out how much it costs you to run 4 cars? Surely you are aware this would not be affordable for the majority of people, and for others they would see this is unnecessary and would want to spend their money eisewhere. We live rurally and manage very well with one car, it’s never a problem. I have a life away from him too but that’s perfectly possible to do with the one car! You may like having four cars. That doesn’t make it a necessity or the norm or somehow not a luxury!

In 2022 the average household in England had 1.23 cars, higher if you exclude London. So the national norm is to have more than one car.

Yes two cars is a luxury.

I really don't think it is - I know very few households with only one car - and if they do, it's because there's only one driver. DH and I couldn't do our jobs without two cars.

You’ve just learnt to drive. I can absolutely see why he now thinks it’s a good idea to have 2 cars.
I was the only driver in our house for a while and trust me it’s DRAINING. It was lovely on me as it was on DP when he passed his test and got his own car. It was a luxury and we both felt far free-er, than having to ask who was going where when, and my life was dictated around when he needed to go somewhere.

he probably has this free feeling now also. I don’t blame him. We would really struggle now with one car, and we aren’t financially very well off

I might be going against ifwstylthe grain of advice here but I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You'd be best placed to know if your lifestyle requires 2 cars and if it doesn't then there is no need for a second car. You sound logical and reasonable so it sounds like if one day down the line there was a need for two cars you'd be open to that discussion but if now you don't then there's simply no need to have a second car just because. It's expensive, a will significantly impact family finances.
When I was married our circumstances changed (I started working from home, our son got Into a school walkable from home etc) and we realised that the second car was sat on the drive for 99 per cent of the time doing nothing so we got rid.
There may be an argument for upgrading your current car but quite honestly if you're happy with it and it's not costing you much, I'd stick with the addage, of if it ain't broke then don't fix it. Stick money in a pot for the day when you need to replace it.
This screams to me like your husband has an ulterior motive for wanting a second car and is trying to give you silly reasons that simply don't make sense.
Unless you're millionaires and have no financial concerns, I can't see why any one would unnecessarily take on a huge extra monthly cost unless there's a hidden reason he's not sharing.
I'd be pinning him down for a serious conversation OP and if you're not satisfied with the answer I'd be drawing some clear boundaries about the situation.

No, the national norm is to have one car: For every household that has two cars, there are three households that have only one car.

Also, according to the government's travel survey, only 1/3 of households in England have access to two or more cars.

But 30% of all households are people living alone. So...of the remainder, half of them have more than one car.

The need for a second car will depend a lot on your location, lifestyle, etc. but it sounds like you don't need another car from your description, and if I were in your position I would find it a major waste of money and would be seriously unhappy about it.

IMO one decent car is a very fair compromise.

he clearly wants a new shiny toy all to himself… that’s cool but he needs to pick something that doesn’t cost £20k - £50k plus.

💯 sell the corsa… there is NO way I’d like myself get shafted like this. Kids seats will be in your (shitty) car so you ferry them everywhere while we swans about is his fun-mobile that can’t get messy and you aren’t even insured on….

upgrading the car yes…
if he insists on 2 the new one would be suitable for me to be insured on and would be “mine and the kids” and he gets the corsa.
And all cars are joint expenses.

I would say that as you rarely use the car 5 days out of 7, and have seemed to have coped with that absolutely fine, and it would make things tight financially (I'm still not clear if this means he expects you to take over 100% of the running costs of the old car) then surely this is a no brainer- it's an incredible amount of money to spend for the occasional plan clash at the weekend???

This approach is one way to get an invitation to take a long walk off a short pier, I suppose!

If he is accustomed to having the use of a car and can afford it, he should be free to do what he wants. As for keeping it clean and shiny, people do often have different standards in that regard.

You also forget he has spent years ferrying the kids (and OP) about and so it is fair for the OP to take her turn. What’s good for the goose, etc.

Exactly @Foxblue. Those posters saying that it's the norm to have 2 cars or it's life limiting to share a car aren't relevant to the OPs circumstances. They don't drive to work like many people do and when they go out at the weekend they often do this without using the car.

So it's not like they're even inconvenienced by using public transport/walking - they're already doing it by choice presumably as quicker/easier than driving and having to find a parking space and pay for parking. So a second car is likely to be a significant expense for little benefit, especially as they'll also have the option of occasional taxis or hire cars for far less than the cost of buying and running a second car.

I think to just decide without discussing it isn't fair, I'd be wondering why he needs the second car all of a sudden ? Having said that I don't think it's unreasonable to have a car each I couldn't share a car with my OH I value the independence it gives me too much

The Corsa will probably die very soon and the problem will be solved.

Absolutely 4 cars is a luxury - 2 of the cars are hobby cars for events.

But 2 cars is the norm - as people have pointed out with national stats outside of London.

It wouldn't be possible to live our lives, even if getting to work wasnt a factor, with just one car.

Honestly i don't know any couple running just one car, and i've thought very hard about it!

This!!

OP clearly doesn't like cars all that much other than for their usefulness. Quite a lot of people do like driving a nicer car, now its a year down the line i can 100% see where he is coming from.

I'd split the budget, upgrade the Corsa and still have enough left for a car he wants too.