Bouncer snapped my sons ID

[StrawberryTartella]

Unprovoked, a bouncer tonight snapped my sons ID at a club. Other bouncers apologised saying it was his first night but I don't know if I believe that. Son and friends are back at hotel now and I'm picking them up tomorrow. Do I report as reckless criminal damage or contact the club to cover the cost of replacing? Apparently his mates took bouncers details, hopefully badge no. etc. If first night and genuine mistake then could give benefit of the doubt but I worry it was done to show off.

I'd want to know a bit more about what happened.

If your son was perhaps a bit drunk and not behaving particularly well, I'd leave it.

If your son was an innocent victim and the bouncer was acting like an idiot, I'd suggest your son emails a complaint.

How much does the ID cost to replace? More than £10 and he should ask for reimbursement from the club.

The circumstances, your son's actions, the bouncer's actions, whether anyone was openly aggressive etc all influence the response.

As he is 18 I'd listen and guide him in what to do but I'd let him do it himself.

I would tell DS what to do, how to do it and to let me know if he has any issues and see if I need to step in or not. I wouldn’t be dealing with it all for him.

@notacooldad

The lad is young and hasnt got much life expierence yet. Mum asks for advice and gets shot down straight away.

The mum asked what should she do not what should he do?

He should be trying to sort it out, she should give him suggestions. Otherwise he won't learn.

Just forget about it and order a new ID

Support your ds to deal with it, don't just take over or he will never learn. Although to me this is a simple email to the club owner and sorting out a replacement ID.

Your son rang you in the middle of the night to tell you this?

*The lad is young and hasnt got much life expierence yet. Mum asks for advice and gets shot down straight away.

The mum asked what should she do not what should he do?

He should be trying to sort it out, she should give him suggestions. Otherwise he won't learn

To be fair, I probably would have worded it the same as op and said ' right lad, I've been on mn and what you have to do is.....'

However there are times when I have taken over a task to make life a bit easier for my sons, eg when my son works away from home I'll go and do his washing or hoovering. ( not all the time if course, he's a grown man, he normally does it himself) However they do the same for me. It's a two way street.
Ds1 sorted out a car issue where I wouldn't know what to do last Tuesday .Ds2 came round and fixed my fence that was blown out without me asking a couple of weekends ago.
Not every thing has to be an Immediate life lesson. I like to live in a family where we just help, support and make life that little bit easier for each other.

Just googled and if it’s a proof of age card it looks about £15 to replace.

I’d help my son compose an email from him to the club asking for reimbursement.

But if they didn’t reply or refuse just move on from it.

I used to work at a club and the bouncers have to deal with so much crap from drunk and aggressive people. There were knives, theft, drugs, vomiting, a lot of fights and sexual assaults including rape. The bouncers are also not always the most wholesome people themselves and were not always nice to people who annoyed them. Your son should put this down to a small bit of bad luck and move on.

Because he turned 18 and magically knows how to deal with everything.

Yeah, this, OP. From the very stroke of midnight on your 18th birthday you must henceforth deal with everything life throws at you completely alone. No help or support from friends or family allowed, ever. Did you not know?

This. As someone who worked in the nightlife industry for a long time (plus a DH who has been a doorman for over 25 years.)

Op, your son probably met a shirt filler who was flexing their authority/is very new to the job and went too hard on the ID.

If the other doormen were saying it was an accident and that was backed up by club management at the time then chances are you're going to get nowhere. They've already closed ranks. You're never going to see the CCTV and the police won't be interested unless there was an assault.

Nobody's forcing them to do the job. They could easily choose to do it properly, or resign.

Agree.

MN is so weird. If my son at 18 asks for advice and help with an issue he's not dealt with before, of any kind, of course I'm going to help and guide him as best I can! So he can, you know, learn what to do .....

MNers moan about "teach your sons better to be decent adults/partners" but then "leave him to deal with everything himself because he's 18". Yeah right, can't have it both ways.

The irony is profound.

So many people talking about him still being very young, "still a child really", etc., etc. on a thread about ID to prove you're an actual adult and therefore old enough to be in a nightclub.

He's clearly nowhere near mature enough to be going to clubs if he needs his mum to sort out a minor issue like this.

OP didn't ask "should he..." or even "should we..." with regard to contacting the club management, it was "should I..."

No way is it safe for this man to be going to clubs - or at least not without his mum.

@Edingril can I ask what you think happens overnight when someone turns 18? Do they suddenly learn all life skills in their sleep, and wake up a fully functional adult, capable of doing everything independently? Or do you think maybe young adults learn by experience and guidance?

What does him 'not behaving impeccably' have to do with snapping his I. D. though? If he is acting the fool in the line you just deny him entry, don't even need to ask for ID, never mind snap it.
OP what is the context of it getting snapped. Was he flexing to check holograms and being his first night over did it and accidentally snapped it? Or was he being mouthy to the people in the line and acting' the big man' when he snapped it

To be fair, the OP did say "Do I report as reckless criminal damage or contact the club to cover the cost of replacing?" It does read as if she is planning on doing the complaining and reporting. Whereas I do think, an 18 year old should be capable of doing it himself under guidance.
I think if your mum has to complain to the club for you, you're not mature enough to be at the club.

How is this 'teaching' or 'guiding' him???

Do I report as reckless criminal damage or contact the club to cover the cost of replacing?

MN is a strange place, can we not offer our DC guidance and support.
My DD had her ID confiscated by a bouncer because he 'thought' it looked fake. Called the pub the next day and they denied all knowledge.
Some bouncers are arseholes and like to bully.

I would 100% report it firstly to the club (and whichever company actually owns it), I would find out which company provided the security and complain to them, then I would report the bouncer.

It’s not about the ID, it’s the entitled attitude that needs pulling into line. You can’t behave how you want because you are “security”, not should bad behaviour be tolerated, and allowed to escalated. I can tell you multiple stories, from my younger days, of assaults by bouncers..and you still get them now. People in that job are expected to show certain behaviour (hence the badge), if they are not exhibiting those behaviours they need a bit of retraining.

“Reckless criminal damage” is a huge overreaction. I’m guessing the bouncer was flexing the card to check if it was fake and it accidentally snapped.

I’d imagine there would be a lot of eye rolling by the police if you actually call this in, on behalf of your adult son..🙄

The OP implies she is the one who will be doing something not offering guidance.

Reminds me of the time my friend had a bouncer in London try and pick apart her very real Italian passport. She is Australian but a duel citizen. She was 25 at the time and short but otherwise very much looked her age.

She snatched it off him before he could do real damage and we went elsewhere. Later in the night we met a bunch of 17 year olds on fake IDs who had been in that same club earlier.

It was weird. Never occurred to us to complain though.

My point was that it is a big bad world out there and no one will give a shit about OP’s son’s ID being snapped. It is so minor compared to what they have to deal with. It is a night club, not an after school club.