Bouncer snapped my sons ID

[StrawberryTartella]

Unprovoked, a bouncer tonight snapped my sons ID at a club. Other bouncers apologised saying it was his first night but I don't know if I believe that. Son and friends are back at hotel now and I'm picking them up tomorrow. Do I report as reckless criminal damage or contact the club to cover the cost of replacing? Apparently his mates took bouncers details, hopefully badge no. etc. If first night and genuine mistake then could give benefit of the doubt but I worry it was done to show off.

Got to love parents who completely cut any help or advice to their children as soon as they hit 18. Did you kick your kids out of the house at 18 as well as a learning experience.

The op was just asking for advice.

But you let him try it himself first. You did not automatically try to fix his problem for him as though he were still a little child.

I don’t know why people are being so unkind. Just because OP’s son is 18, doesn’t mean he has to know how to handle every situation and do so on his own. I’d also guarantee that any club manager or security guard is going to be dismissive of him based on his age.(And it doesn’t actually matter if your DS was ‘behaving’ - no one should be breaking his ID!)

It’s only £20 to replace which we make me feel inclined to just replace and not deal with the aggro of complaining. However, the amount of arsehole, power-trip, creepy security guards I have met in my time would probably lead me to reporting…

Mum has life experience. Nobody helped me on these small things when I was 18 and honestly that was a disadvantage looking back, so I get involved, am told I am coddling, idc because my teens and early twenties dc, then see how to handle similar next time. Instructing what to say is fine, yoou don’t necessarily need to get involved yourself. Teens let things go, these bouncers know that, they get dismissed.

God I feel for the sons of mumsnetters imagine if this had happened to an 18 year old DD, posters would be out for blood!

I would contact the club and tell them to cover the costs of a replacement and make a complaint to the SIA as you have his details.

Yes this is a difference in 'my child has asked me for help on this situation what do we do' and 'this situation has happened I am the parent so I am taking over and controlling this'

One 18 year old lad against a group of bouncers and a club manager?

And you still believe that your son was behaving impeccably beforehand?

If your son is old enough to go to a club why is he old enough not to sort it himself?

I could have put my house on a bet that this would have been the first answer.

The lad is young and hasnt got much life expierence yet. Mum asks for advice and gets shot down straight away.

OPs answer to you was spot on. My lad at 18 was quite meek and quiet and hated confrontation. He would have tried to avoid dealing with it.At 24 he doesn't put up shit.

Shit happens on nights out at clubs, the bouncers are a bit arsey and that’s part of the clubbing experience that your son will need to learn about.

Just order him a new one and move on. Do not go all helicopter mum making complaints etc. It’s frankly embarrassing behaviour that will see him refused entry to the club in the future.

Do not make a complaint and definitely do not report for criminal damage. Just order new ID and move on.

He's old enough to handle this himself I think. He can complain to the club and order himself a new ID. But how sure are you that it was unprovoked? Unprofessional, of course, but bouncers don't make a habit of snapping ID. More than likely your DS was drunk and being a nuisance.

It’s a perfect opportunity to coach him in what he needs to do but allow him to learn to deal with this kind of situation, nobody said to cut off advice but there’s a line to be drawn in encouraging him to actually deal with it.

I'm laughing at the idea that an 18 year old is "old enough to handle these things himself". He's literally just entered adulthood from childhood, these things aren't automatic, they require learning and life experience. My daughter has just turned 18 and she calls me for help with all manner of things, which is totally to be expected as she's just learning about being an adult. They're 18, not 38

18 could mean a teenager still at school, an independent adult with a job, or a university student getting to grips with independent life for the first time. They vary a lot.

The other bouncers apologised and explained the guy was inexperienced - which is exactly the same line you’re using for why you’d need to make a complaint on behalf of your son. I would guess your son and his friends weren’t behaving like perfect little angels for this incident to have even arisen.

Chalk this one up as a learning experience, show him how to order a replacement, and move on.

Jeez do our kids immediately learn a lifetime of experience the second they turn 18?
I would use this as a learning opportunity for him and help guide him to get the appropriate response.
Those of you saying parents shouldn’t help I bet you don’t have adult DC.

My DS once called me for advice on the best cleaning products to buy for when he was moving out of his Uni accommodation.
Should I just have refused to tell him on account of him being old enough to deal with it himself?
(notwithstanding it probably hadn’t been cleaned for a year … 😐)

I agree with this

Jeez. Some people. I'll still be helping my children when they're 50 if they ask for it. Just as I would any other adult. I have years more experience and I am less likely to take any crap than they are so I have no problem helping if they want me to.

Yeah, I wouldn't be sending my 18year old to challenge a bouncer or get involved with club management.

A friend tried to make a complaint once at Rock City and the bouncers dragged him down the the cellar and beat the shit out of him. He now has metal plates in his head jaw and collar bone.

He was so frightened by the experience (understandably) that he refused to make a statement or pursue legal action.

gtfI do think there may be more to the story than told. It seems very odd that the son and his mates walked up to the door, the doorman took the son's ID and just snapped it "because he was new".

That aside though, the son needs to just email the club, giving the details and asking them to refund the cost of a replacement. If it happened as outlined, they will apologise for the mistake and pay for a replacement. If they, or the doorman disagrees with how it happened or try to deny it even happened, they can check the CCTV.

Why didn't his friend keep his keys to return to him rather than handing them in?

OP what ID was it? And what's the cost of replacement? Get your son to contact the club and enquire about them covering the cost of replacement.

No idea what they will do though, could say no amd deny it, could say yes

They bend it to check it’s real. My DD 18 says they do it all the time, and one of her friends had his ID broken by a bouncer who bent it too hard. She also says fake ID is pretty common.

Those saying the DS should sort it out himself, did you really become all-knowing and able to deal with all situations at the age of 18, and never accept help nor give help ever again? No, I thought not.

Complain to the club OP.