Tell me what your husbands do for you to make you happy

[ipadgeneration]

Do they put you first sometimes ? Silly stuff like, letting you choose the movie or takeaway.

Do they buy you stuff they know you'd like ? Do they surprise you sometimes ?

Do they take care of you and check up on you when you're not feeling well?

Do they give you a break from things when they see you're stressed out ?

Do they take the baby / toddler / child off you, even when they're tired- because they can see you struggling ?

Do they sometimes make plans / suggestions of fun things to do together or with your kids as a family ?

Are they just nice to be around? Or do they moap around grumpy a lot ?

Do they do their share of the housework and cooking / laundry etc ?

How do you know they love you ? What do they do to show it? Apart from being there ?

Runs everything if I’m ill. Brought me a hot water bag as I have period pain right now. My mother with dementia is unwell and he can’t do enough for her. His ‘love language’ is doing things for me and it took me long time to realise it. My language is affectionate touch like cuddles, hand holding and kisses. As I have been down and in pain today he ran me a bath, went to the shop and bought me a galaxy and a Ritter hazelnut bar, made breakfast and I now have a hot water bottle. He also makes me laugh. I was upstairs when strictly started and he texted me : ‘aw there is a comedy skit!‘ I asked what was happening as and he texted ‘well there is a bus, dancing shit, those two presenters are mechanics, more dancing shit and a cartoon bus in the studio…I’m not actually sure what’s happening and wonder if my chicken was out of date and it’s a fever dream!’

This is me 😂 not sure why I’ve looked on this thread! He’s not terrible but definitely not thoughtful like some of these DH’s

DH cooks most nights. I'm supposed to tidy up but he often (like tonight) insists on doing it instead as I am knackered (I work and he is retired)

Sometimes he buys me flowers

Nudges me to go to bootcamp when I don't feel like it.

Compliments me. I bought a new dress the other day and when I tried it on he made me feel really sexy with his reaction to it.

Remembers things I like and surprises me with them, like buying a CD of something I heard and liked on the radio or a new book by an author I've mentioned liking.

Suggests we have dates and bothers to book things to do that he thinks might interest me. (Tickets to Prima Facie the other day - he was practically the only man in the audience.)

Many things

But my favourite is that he cooks a huge roast dinner every Sunday, and washes up/scrubs down the kitchen afterwards.

His roasts are legendary in this family. Our DCs ex partners still mention how they miss them 🤣

He was telling them how special and clever I am, how much he loves me and how magical their life is because they have me as their mum.

Negative? Not really, no. He's a lovely man; quiet and shy but with a really dry wit. He's not lazy or anything. Sometimes he burns my toast, and he forgets I can't speak Norwegian so he'll have a rant about something in his first language. 😆

We don't fight. If there's ever anything important we need to discuss, we just talk about it.

And yes, absolutely! I'm head over heels with him. Ten years and it's only got better.

Two different things.

you should be happy in your own skin, and that’s your responsibility.

if he’s useless and unhelpful then that’s different, but as a basic scenario, you should be independently happy as a core state.

Little things?

He lets me watch my endless trash programmes in the evening without comment because that’s how I de-stress after a day with DD, even though he hates those programmes.

When he’s up for work super early he makes sure his toothbrush etc are all downstairs ready so he doesn’t wake me or DD.

He always texts when he finishes work to say ‘did you want some chocolate bringing home?’

Bigger things are he’s so endlessly supportive of me. He saw me through my post natal depression, and got me back on my feet.

Don’t get me wrong he’s not perfect, but he’s a good egg.

He’s just a good person, he puts the family first and puts so much of his time and effort into raising our two children, hes thoughtful, kind and just honest. He looks after us all, whether thats making pack up, doing laundry, reading a story, washing someones hair, giving a much needed cuddle etc. He doesn’t like rugby, but he has never missed one of my games or our sons, so matter the weather or how far away it is he always comes along to watch either of us play.

That sounds like someone pretty self absorbed who has fallen into thinking of you just in terms of how you can provide support for his life.

The only thing that stands out as a possible contrast to that is that he works in a job he hates and keeps going in. Is this to support you and DC? If it weren’t for you and DC, would he jack it in and do something he likes more?

Even so, it sounds a bit depressing and not particularly loving. If he’s always been like this it’s unlikely to change. but if you have young DC, I would say it’s an incredibly challenging and stressful time for a lot of parents and things might get better in time as the early years receded into he background, you both get more sleep, and you’d DC become less dependent leaving you both with more time for each other and other things.

I didn't think your post was hostile.

I find it very sad reading some of these comments. The bar is set incredibly low for a lot of them.

Wow, this thread just made me feel really sad... It suddenly hit me that my husband stopped doing those small but important things a while ago.
I'm home alone tonight so I think I'll just go upstairs and have a little cry.

He gives me massages and he does most of the cooking.
(I do most of the cleaning)

Doesn't mind that I gained 6 stones!

Still thinks I'm gorgeous.

He's a good man.

I don't think it shows a low bar at all. It's how they feel loved by their partner. It's all about sometimes small, but thoughtful deeds and gestures. Nothing low bar about that.

Mine does all the cooking and most of the shopping, buys me flowers every week. Most of all, sometimes I look up and find he’s looking at me with such a look of love on his face it takes my breath away.

Boring 🙄

This thread is really eye opening. It's bittersweet to read how lucky some of you are!

That's fine for you but it's just my opinion. Housework, childcare, taking care of you when you're ill, encouraging, supportive - for me those are all standard and not special.

The best gift my ex gave me was to leave me for someone else.
I lost 15 stone that day it was amazing i was thrilled after a few weeks.
Lifes been blissful now for years.

They must be special when so few women have those things in their relationships.

If encouraging and supportive don't count, what does?

Encouraging and supportive from my DH can range from buying me a book on botany, to me coming home one day and he's building me a (surprise) garden shed, complete with plants and wall hangings. All because the story I'm writing has a big focus on plants and I get quite involved.

And that will look different for every relationship.

I do agree with housework and childcare though. That's just adult life. I'm happy we have total equality on that in our marriage, because my previous partners weren't like that. But I don't count him cleaning the toilets as special.

When we know we have busy weeks with late work nights or commitments, he'll go to M&S and buy the nice ready prepped meals I like so all we have to do is pop the lasagne/carbonara etc into the oven with no prep.

When he buys his lunch at work, he always chooses my favourite fizzy drink in the meal deal and brings it home for me.

We take a night on and off with the baby so every second night, we both get a good night's sleep.

His work schedule means he can sometimes be away all weekend. For example, last night he had a commitment and wasn't due home until 11.30pm, today he had another, then had to drive to the north for tomorrow's commitment and won't be home until late tomorrow night. Last night, he messaged me to say I've added some extra money into the joint account, take the kids out for tea so you don't need to cook when you guys get home. I really appreciate when he does that for us.

He does do his fair share of housework/cleaning. I never have to consider emptying the bins, cleaning the bathroom, buying toilet roll, kitchen roll, washing up liquid. They're all things I forget about when I go shopping because I'm so used to him stock buying them for us and having them available, and he always does those cleaning jobs. He whips around with the vacuum every day too, if I haven't done it first.

He can be a grumpy so and so at time, and I do sometimes feel a bit of resentment that it's always me who does the kids' activities and play dates and birthday parties of friends etc., but I quickly put that into perspective by considering that he's unavailable to do those things because he's out earning for us. Don't get me wrong, I earn, too. Our main salaries are about equal, but his second job that he does on evenings and weekends, whilst it started very much as a hobby and something he loves, it is now a great boost to our household income and benefits us all, so I'm very thankful that he sacrifices that time to provide for us. Though we love it even more when he has the weekends home with us.

Makes me a coffee every morning even when he has long gone to work (Stanley mug)

My ex did none of these- ever, now I've been alone 5 years it's hard to trust anyone again.

@GiddyRobin Your post hilights to me how very different we all are and that what suits one,doesn't suit another - I lived with someone like this many years ago and spent 4 years trying to end it as I felt incredibly claustrophobic and very co dependent - I clearly wasn't right for him as he was 'too much' - he was a nice guy but needed to meet someone just like yourself who loved the attention to detail