To cut my sister off for this?

[nosisterlybond]

I have sister who’s 5 years younger than me and who I don’t really speak to. It’s been like this since we were children, we never really had a bond. And it’s not because of age, I have another sister who’s 10 years younger than me and we’re really close. Im close to all my other siblings and cousins, and we speak daily.

So 10 years ago we got into an argument because of hearsay, I told her last year we should forget about it and start fresh, she agreed. I was hoping this would be the start of building our relationship, but couple months ago something happened to me, I was distraught and I feel like even a colleague would reach out, but she didn’t, thankfully I had my family who supported me through it.

I was shocked as to why she didn’t even reach out to me, no calls, text or anything just silence. I mentioned it to my other sister that I thought it was weird, she asked her and my sister explained that she wanted to leave me alone because everyone else was talking to me about it and she in her mind didn’t think it was the best time to talk as I was “too stressed “ The thing is everyday she would ask my other family members who supported me about my situation and getting daily updates, but she doesn’t reach out herself to talk to me or ask me anything about the situation.

It’s now turned in to this where she’s annoyed that I’m going around talking to the family about why she hasn’t talked to me.

She has still to this day not spoken to me, and I have children she doesn’t speak to or have any bond with. We could easily go years and years without speaking, because we don’t see each other and don’t live in the same area. Everything she knows about my life is through our family. Prior to my situation I would text or call her to but it’s hard to keep a conversation going because we don’t really have much to talk about and I don’t think she’s putting in any effort to build our relationship.

I’m really hurt that she didn’t reach out about my situation, because I know I would call her if it happened to her. I don’t even think she would care if I died tomorrow because we don’t have a bond and we don’t speak.
I’m getting to the point where I’m just tired trying to keep building a relationship with someone that don’t care.

What would you do in my situation?

You were going through a stressful time and the two of you had a fresh relationship that had not really been put to the test yet. I personally think she made the right decision by staying back and giving you some space. She got updates through family because she does care.

I feel bad for your sister in this situation.

as to the actual question, should you cut your sister off?

have you thought through what that really means? That means you don’t see her ever again. It means you don’t go to Christmas, graduations, weddings, because she will be there. It means distancing yourself from your family extended family because this one person is so bad you can’t be in their presence.

it’s normally something people do with individuals who are dangerous or abusive.

with a situation like yours, just let the relationship be what it is. You don’t have to be especially close. You can still manage to be polite when you see one another. You can talk occasionally if the mood strikes.

I'm thinking maybe your sister is very much aware of how you think of her and felt awkward or nervous about directly contacting you when you were having a bad time. Her asking others how you're doing is a sign of her caring, not necessarily being nosey.

If you both hadn't spoken for years, I could see this and you do seem to hold a lot of animosity towards her.

If you truly want to rebuild the relationship then you'll need to let go of all the pettiness that's in the past. If you don't want that, that's your choice but leaping straight into thinking about cutting her off for this is too much.

Going against the grain here - she could have texted you ‘Hi sis, sorry to hear xyz, thinking of you’ that would acknowledge you; her actions are dismissive and therefore hurtful. Also wonder why your other sister keeps feeding her your updates - does she like playing the pair of you off? Instead of being the go between she could calm the waters by telling her you’d really appreciate a brief text.