AIBU to not let DS16 go on a fishing trip

[CalmDownKenneth]

DS16 has been invited on a fishing trip tomorrow with a friend and his dad. The catch is that they're leaving at 4am and DS wants to walk to their house which is 10 minutes away. We live in a bit of a rough area and it will obviously be dark. So we've told him that he can't go.

He won't ask to be picked up although they would literally be passing the house.
He won't tell his friend why we don't want him to go so they're probably not going to offer.

I feel bad. He's staying with his dad tonight who thinks he has to learn to speak up and organise things. But he really wanted to go 🙁

Were we BU to tell him he can't go out alone at 4am?

Poor kid

Between the 3 of you, none of you has thought to order a taxi if you or his dad can't drop him?

At 16 I would let him do the 10 minute walk. Not much happening at 4am. Don't crush his independence

I would let him go. He can text you when he gets there.

I expect this is a communication error and friend's dad is expecting to pick him up. It's so "obvious" that it hasn't been mentioned.

That said, I'd let him walk at 4am if it was absolutely necessary. I'd also get up to give him a lift (or walk with him) if that was what was required to enable him to go.

I would too but if his mum and dad are so strictly against it, a 10 minute walk in a taxi will be roughly 5 or 6 pounds.

I don't understand why he can't just ask them to pick him up as they're passing the house anyway? I don't have contact details for them. Is organising this kind of stuff not an important life skill?

Can he not stay with them the night before?

It seems harsh to not let him go. If you're worried then why not get up with him and walk him round- you'd be back in bed within half an hour.

A fishing trip with a friend and his dad sounds like a really nice day out.

He's 16 not 6. You have to let them go sometime.

Or just let him walk round. Tell him to text you when he gets there.

Yes but one your son doesn't currently possess for whatever reason.

But why are you both leaping to 'no' instead of insisting he asks, or gets a taxi?

Wow, that's REALLY harsh op. Poor kid! Do you want him to move out or something? 🤣

Why can't he get a taxi or one of you walk him round and crash back into bed??

Unless you live on a gang-filled estate in the roughest part of the city, a ten minute walk at 4am sounds pretty safe. I wouldn’t hesitate about this. What exactly are you afraid of? Do you have data to confirm your fears?

To put some wider context around this, your 16 y.o. could leave home if he wanted to. If he had the money, he could travel to the other side of the world and nobody would ask your opinion. You have to think pretty carefully about what it means to let/not let a 16y.o do.

We did insist he asks. And he told them he couldn't go instead.

This seems a really cruel and badly timed way to make a point. Teach him those skills another time, get their number off him and ask for him.

Failing that, him walking somewhere having gotten up early and following through on his commitments, whilst asking noone to help him as he can walk there independently, are also important life skills.

But you know where they live and it's 10 min walk away...?

It is a lifeskill, but I'm not sure he's seen it modelled.

Just let him walk round. He's 16!

He won't give me their number. And it is a very rough area.

This is like pulling teeth

And the taxi suggestion?

Any news on that?

Fwiw, I can see why a 16yo didn't want to tell his mate he wasn't allowed to do a 10 min walk on his own.

Ahhh I feel so bad for this poor kid.

I get frustrated when my DC don't ask their friends if they can get picked up or whatever. Apparently it's not the done thing and is embarrassing.

I really hope you let him go.

He’s 16! You’re being ridiculous but if you are so safety concerned why can’t you or his dad drop him off? I can understand why he didn’t want to ask his friend for a lift, they’re already taking him out for the day I’d feel cheeky asking too.

So walk round there, in daylight, and ask.

He's 16 of course he won't give you their number! Im cringing at just the thought 😩

I don't know where the house is. i know the general direction. I can't call into the house. I don't know the parents and I have no contact details for them.