AIBU to not let DS16 go on a fishing trip

[CalmDownKenneth]

DS16 has been invited on a fishing trip tomorrow with a friend and his dad. The catch is that they're leaving at 4am and DS wants to walk to their house which is 10 minutes away. We live in a bit of a rough area and it will obviously be dark. So we've told him that he can't go.

He won't ask to be picked up although they would literally be passing the house.
He won't tell his friend why we don't want him to go so they're probably not going to offer.

I feel bad. He's staying with his dad tonight who thinks he has to learn to speak up and organise things. But he really wanted to go 🙁

Were we BU to tell him he can't go out alone at 4am?

Taxi?

Or walk him round there.

His father has said he'll bring him over.

He's 16. Just let him walk.

I think you’re going to have to think of something as this is unfair on DS.

I was going to suggest texting the Dad and saying ‘so DS will set off to you at 3.50’ and he’d reply back to say he’d collect.

Personally I’d get up and drive him over and go back to bed. Is that an option for his Dad? It’s not your son’s fault it is a rough area? Though if it’s only 10 minutes walk surely he is used to the area?

And yes, it is a rough area. There have been stabbings and there have been assaults. It's not leafy suburbia.

Ah crossed post - I see it has been sorted.

I get that op, I live in an area like that but all we can do is let our DC develop some street sense and drill it in them to be careful, aware of their surroundings, if threatened just hand over the phone or money or whatever etc.

It's hard but we can't keep them wrapped in cotton wool.

Glad you've all seen sense 😆

I think maybe this has to be a lesson for your son then. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to advise him to ask the other dad to pick him up. He would rather miss out than make this request.

If you don’t want him walking, I’d take him yourself.

Let him walk. He’s 16. 🙄

Why can't someone take him?

Poor lad. Let him go. Ten minute walk is nothing. If you're really worried, get him a taxi.

Will he actually not go?

My 16 year old self would be walking out the door and going no matter what you said (but then I also would have asked to be picked up if I knew they were going past my house / my mum would have woken up to drop me if she was worried)

He's 16. Let him go FGS.

Exactly

he's embarrassed he's not allowed to walk.

He's embarrassed to tell his friend you think where they live is rough

Surely you just take him? Am I missing something?

Surely they are planning to pick him up anyway?

They know the area and know that it’s not safe and they’re driving at that time anyway - so why wouldn’t they just pick him up.

Why not ask him to text and say something like - shall I meet you at mine at 4 or walk to yours and meet you there?

As long as it's not with Uncle Bryn.

FWIW I live in quite a safe area but I still wouldn’t want my DD walking around alone in the middle of the night.

I would take her in the car, walk with her or get her a taxi (or get her to ask if they can pick her up).

I agree with you OP. If he's not mature enough to say 'Can you please pick me up on the way?' he's definitely not mature enough to walk through a dodgy area at 4am.

It would be a different scenario if they would have to go out of their way to pick him up, but given they are literally driving past it would be ridiculous for him to walk - it would be the same if it was in the middle of the day, or if they were all adults - I can't imagine organising something, asking my friend to come to mine, then doubling back and driving past her house to get to where we were going - of course I'd just pick her up en route, it wouldn't even cross my mind to do anything else!

i don’t think he’s being unreasonable to be a bit embarrassed to say he’s not allowed to walk around the corner by himself. If it’s a rough area then one of you can walk with him and be back in bed at 4:30am. Fishing is a really good interest/hobby for a lad his age.

If its about maturity, then surely if he's not mature enough to ask to be picked up, he's not mature enough to do 99% of things a 16 y/o should be able to do and op should keep him inside for a long time?

But it's not about maturity. Some people would genuinely rather crawl up their own arse and die than ask someone to do something that they think is putting the other person out. Doesn't mean they are incapable of walking 10 mins at sparrows fart.

But if this trip was going to happen in daylight, you'd have let him go?

Without having any contact details for the family?

That's weirder than not letting him walk round in the dark.

Honestly, yes, YABU.

If you don't want him walking at 4am, then the onus is on you to get up and give him a lift.