AIBU to not let DS16 go on a fishing trip

[CalmDownKenneth]

DS16 has been invited on a fishing trip tomorrow with a friend and his dad. The catch is that they're leaving at 4am and DS wants to walk to their house which is 10 minutes away. We live in a bit of a rough area and it will obviously be dark. So we've told him that he can't go.

He won't ask to be picked up although they would literally be passing the house.
He won't tell his friend why we don't want him to go so they're probably not going to offer.

I feel bad. He's staying with his dad tonight who thinks he has to learn to speak up and organise things. But he really wanted to go 🙁

Were we BU to tell him he can't go out alone at 4am?

Dont be rotten op. Doesn't it matter to you your kid would enjoy it?

What does that have to do with me saying 'If they're open for business they want business.'?

Why can’t you or his Dad drop him round?
Why can’t you support him getting a cab/ uber?
Walk him 1/2 way?

It’s embarrassing for him to ask them to pick him up - he is clearly saying that to you, as he would rather cancel than ask!!! Bloody hell help him out here!!

YABVVU

A 16 year old can walk 10 minutes to friend's at 4am. That's an important life skill

Lots of people don't feel comfortable asking others for a lift (and looking at threads on here calling anyone who dares ask for a lift a CF). I have a friend who will always pick me up for work if she can, she passes my house on the way, but I never ask her if she is or not, I wait until she let's me know the time because I'd feel dead cheeky asking

If you are refusing to let him walk then you need to arrange to get him there. Which I see you have done now.

I actually would say it's a sign that you've taught him good manners - he knows it might be perceived as rude/cheeky/entitled to ask to be picked out when they are already taking him out. Although like PP I expect the other dad assumes that as part of the invitation he is picking your son up.

At 16 mine would have told me their plans and got on with it. I would probably get up and give a lift anyway, but they wouldn't be asking for permission and I certainly wouldn't be telling them they could not go.

He's old enough to get married and start a family....

Depends on where you live? Inner city- nice quiet village town. I don’t blame you for being worried so many nutters out there, especially now Starmer has let out so many prisoners, knife crime, etc. You can’t wrap them up in cotton wool forever though

Why haven't you got their contact details when your son will be spending the weekend with them, away from home???? Your son must have them so ask him. Get up & take him yourself or order him a taxi - what's the issue??

Being able to walk 10 mins without mummy controlling at 16 is also an important life skill

@CalmDownKenneth I don’t think the issue should be about a ten minute walk at 4am or the fact that he is 16. I voted YANBU because a. if he is comfortable enough to go away on a fishing trip with these people then I don’t see why he wouldn’t be comfortable with asking them to pick him up (especially as they will be driving past the house anyway). b. He is unwilling to give you any contact details or even let you know where they live. Why not? c. I’d be concerned that the fishing trip was a cover for something else that is risky etc.

He is 16 but he is a teenager that still needs guidance from his parents. I think you are doing the right thing.

Agreed. And what if something happens on the trip and he’s too ‘embarrassed’ to ask for help?

I’m thinking about that group of boys in Wales whose parents (at least some) thought they were going with a parent.

But gold star to the parent whose 16 year olds don’t even ask for permission!