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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Can you just pick this up from the shop on your way back?"

95 replies

Justaskingabitofadvice · 13/09/2024 15:56

My husband is always asking me to pick things up from the shop for him. On the surface of it, sounds like a completely reasonable request, but I find myself getting irritated, because:

  • he's usually home
  • I'm the one who leaves the house more (work, stuff with our child), which means I'm already doing something
  • it is SO often I feel there are very few times I can just come straight home from work/child's activity.

I know that he sees it as I'm already out, so why not just fit in this extra task. Whereas in my mind, he is at home, with more time on his hands as there's no commute, and I'm already the one doing more out of the home activities.

Anyway, I'm genuinely curious as to whether my slight irritation at this is weird or not.

I also do struggle a bit with changing my plans, so that might have something to do with it too.

Would this irritate you?

OP posts:
knittingdad · 13/09/2024 16:00

Do you live in a city, or a rural area?

We used to live in a city, and I can see how this would be annoying in a city, where a shop is only ever going to be a short walk away.

But now we live in a rural area, and the nearest shop is nearly five miles away, so it's just a practical expedient.

anonhop · 13/09/2024 16:01

I'd probably leave it or if not needed for right then & there say 'exhausted so will pick up tomorrow if that's ok?'

Original poster
Justaskingabitofadvice · 13/09/2024 16:02

knittingdad · 13/09/2024 16:00

Do you live in a city, or a rural area?

We used to live in a city, and I can see how this would be annoying in a city, where a shop is only ever going to be a short walk away.

But now we live in a rural area, and the nearest shop is nearly five miles away, so it's just a practical expedient.

Yes good point. We live in a city. He could walk to a shop in under 5 mins

OP posts:
Spomb · 13/09/2024 16:03

Oh dear, I say this to my husband all the time! We live in the city, so it’s not like it would take me that long to pop out and get it, but I am working from home, so it makes more sense for my husband to pick it up on the way back from the office.

Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 13/09/2024 16:03

Justaskingabitofadvice · 13/09/2024 16:02

Yes good point. We live in a city. He could walk to a shop in under 5 mins

Show quote history

Oh yeah, fuck that then! My OH would try similar, it’s just a simple “no, you have more time than me right now”

worth a shot in their parts but they can get off their arses!

VestPantsandSocks · 13/09/2024 16:03

My husband does this to me all the time and it drives me mad because:

  1. I am nowhere near the shop that he wants me to go to.
  2. The item is so specific that it can't be bought from any other shop
  3. He has likely been to that shop earlier in the day
  4. Why does the item only become urgent when I am out?!
Grrrr......
Original poster
Justaskingabitofadvice · 13/09/2024 16:03

I think as well I'm quite a "rusher" so I'll already feel like I'm rushing home from work, even if it's just to spend some time with the family, and it feels like time away from what I had planned.

I don't always go to the shop when he asks, btw!

OP posts:
orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 13/09/2024 16:04

It really depends on how easy it is for you to pop to the shops.

Do you drive or walk/use public transport? Do you pass a shop? How difficult is it for you to go out of your way if not?

If my DH asks me to pick something up on the way back from the school run it irritates the hell out of me because I walk so I need to go much further out of my way AND carry back whatever he's asked for in my hands or handbag. He's a driver and has no idea how annoying it can be to go out of your way while on foot.

knittingdad · 13/09/2024 16:06

anonhop · 13/09/2024 16:01

I'd probably leave it or if not needed for right then & there say 'exhausted so will pick up tomorrow if that's ok?'

That sounds like a good way to handle it. We have a grocery list on an app (Google keep) that we can both edit, so anything we think of gets added to that.

Most things can wait for a couple of days. That way the OP can avoid picking up things every time she's out of the house.

Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 13/09/2024 16:06

Whilst I’m moaning (you’ve set me off now) when he does go to the shop he’ll often ring me “do you know where the sugar is?”

sir I do not work in Lidl, kindly fuck off and have a look

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 13/09/2024 16:06

knittingdad · 13/09/2024 16:06

That sounds like a good way to handle it. We have a grocery list on an app (Google keep) that we can both edit, so anything we think of gets added to that.

Most things can wait for a couple of days. That way the OP can avoid picking up things every time she's out of the house.

Show quote history

Oh I neeed this! is it called google keep?

rosesareredvioletsareblueaimverytiredandsoareyou · 13/09/2024 16:06

'No' is an acceptable reply, unless it really is an emergency/he is ill/you're at the shop anyway.

knittingdad · 13/09/2024 16:09

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 13/09/2024 16:06

Oh I neeed this! is it called google keep?

Show quote history

Yes.
play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.google.android.keep

coxesorangepippin · 13/09/2024 16:11

Dh does this

Very, very annoying and frustrating

gannett · 13/09/2024 16:15

I do this to DP all the time (I WFH and he doesn't). If he's in a rush or can't or doesn't want to he says no. It's a non-issue.

Saltnpeppeh · 13/09/2024 16:18

No it wouldn't irritate me if I was already out, and I wouldnt expect him to come out when I'm passing a shop.

SpiderGwen · 13/09/2024 16:19

Hell, I do this. Oops. Although he usually texts first to ask if we need owt. I never ask for something involving a detour, just shops he will pass.

Getting the car out, putting the kids in it to buy a loaf when the other person is already out and driving past Tesco does seem a bit of a faff.

Original poster
Justaskingabitofadvice · 13/09/2024 16:19

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 13/09/2024 16:04

It really depends on how easy it is for you to pop to the shops.

Do you drive or walk/use public transport? Do you pass a shop? How difficult is it for you to go out of your way if not?

If my DH asks me to pick something up on the way back from the school run it irritates the hell out of me because I walk so I need to go much further out of my way AND carry back whatever he's asked for in my hands or handbag. He's a driver and has no idea how annoying it can be to go out of your way while on foot.

This is a good point, and it's a mix of driving and walking. And if it's from work then either option a shop isn't exactly on the way. If its from a child activity, probably in the car but I don't always want to do a slower shop with a child with me.

I think I'm just grumpy either way!

I should start asking him to pick things up for me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justaskingabitofadvice · 13/09/2024 16:21

SpiderGwen · 13/09/2024 16:19

Hell, I do this. Oops. Although he usually texts first to ask if we need owt. I never ask for something involving a detour, just shops he will pass.

Getting the car out, putting the kids in it to buy a loaf when the other person is already out and driving past Tesco does seem a bit of a faff.

Yeah I'm probably the one with the child though!

It is interesting that some people wouldn't mind, I had a feeling not everyone would think the same as me!

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 13/09/2024 16:32

We do this to each other but not v often. Generally we’d put whatever’s needed on the weekly shop. But sometimes they didn’t deliver it, or we ran out of onions or milk or something. Probably only once a fortnight or something though, and both as likely to ask each other.

I’d try:

  • a more careful check weekly on what might be needed to get it all on a large shop to reduce the number of random last minute things (why so many??)
  • Saying no if you’ve got the kids or it’s out of your way, if he can just as easily get it.
  • Asking him to pick things up when you’re out and he’s at home

I mean, it’s totally fine to do this sometimes. But not, say, every other day.

Bjorkdidit · 13/09/2024 16:32

In the circumstances you describe, he should go himself. Sounds like the walk and fresh air would do him good.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 13/09/2024 16:39

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 13/09/2024 16:04

It really depends on how easy it is for you to pop to the shops.

Do you drive or walk/use public transport? Do you pass a shop? How difficult is it for you to go out of your way if not?

If my DH asks me to pick something up on the way back from the school run it irritates the hell out of me because I walk so I need to go much further out of my way AND carry back whatever he's asked for in my hands or handbag. He's a driver and has no idea how annoying it can be to go out of your way while on foot.

In your case I think I'd just tell him it's not on my way. If it was something small (packet of paracetamol say) and I was walking past the shop, then ok. Otherwise no.

Overcover · 13/09/2024 16:41

I go shopping once a week and if it wasn't on the list, it either waits till next week or someone else goes for it, if they want it that badly.

DadJoke · 13/09/2024 16:47

I walk past the shop every day and will happily pick up stuff, but I don’t have to drive or wrangle children and carrying shopping is pretty much my only exercise.

Original poster
Justaskingabitofadvice · 13/09/2024 16:51

We're (I'm) pretty organised in planning a weekly shop, and it's usually me getting that too. So the extras are genuinely extra, like he will have thought of something random, or fancy something different for dinner that we didn't plan for.

I think I am pretty sweet in my ways, and I know I like to compartmentalise things in my mind. So I rarely go to a shop at all outside of the weekly shop! Where he's more free and easy.

I just didn't get something he asked for and to be fair to him, he's never annoyed if I don't manage to pick something up on one of these "on your way" requests

OP posts: