"Can you just pick this up from the shop on your way back?"

[Justaskingabitofadvice]

My husband is always asking me to pick things up from the shop for him. On the surface of it, sounds like a completely reasonable request, but I find myself getting irritated, because:

• he's usually home
• I'm the one who leaves the house more (work, stuff with our child), which means I'm already doing something
• it is SO often I feel there are very few times I can just come straight home from work/child's activity.

I know that he sees it as I'm already out, so why not just fit in this extra task. Whereas in my mind, he is at home, with more time on his hands as there's no commute, and I'm already the one doing more out of the home activities.

Anyway, I'm genuinely curious as to whether my slight irritation at this is weird or not.

I also do struggle a bit with changing my plans, so that might have something to do with it too.

Would this irritate you?

But he has to walk past a shop to get home, I would have to go out of my way to get it. He doesn’t mind and I don’t mind if I’m out for any reason and he asks me for something and I have to go past a shop to get home. Pretty much any commute home in London involves walking last a shop!

We have a corner shop a couple of minutes walk away so if DH was home and it was something we could get there then yes I'd be annoyed unless he knew I was going shopping.
We live fairly rurally though so I wouldn't mind if it was something that had to be bought in a different shop and it was on my way home. Also if one of us is going in to town anyway we would ask eachother to pick something up rather than drive specifically to get it ourselves.

I'm going to wheel out the old mumsnet favourite of "no" is a complete sentence.

Unless I'd mentioned I was going to the shop anyway I wouldn't like to be asked to pick things up regularly. I think it's only ever occured to me to ask my DH to pick me up something from the shops if I've been ill or it's something I forgot to buy for a meal I was cooking us. I would probably start telling him, 'sorry I'm not passing by the shop, but the fresh air will do you good'

easy, do what men do, 'weaponised incompetence' get the wrong thing every time😎
edit
or even better say yes of course, and then always forget, and always laugh off your mistake.

My partner does this. He works from home and I imagine he just thinks ‘well she’s out anyway’. But it irritates me as it happens frequently.
I leave at 7:00 and get home around 5:30 and when I get in my car, all I want to do is go straight home, especially when his urgent request is cheese and onion Discos 😡

If one of us is out on our own (minus the toddler I mean) and it's easy to nip in somewhere then yeah, either one of us would rather nip in on the way home than send the other one out - unless they wanted to get out for a bit.

If it involves messing around with a grumpy toddler then one of us would happily go out separately later or wait until the next day.

Next time he does it, I would reply "Ok, will do. And since you're at home, could you peel the potatoes (or some similar task)?

No, if it's a five minute walk he needs to do it himself. You're not his servant.

I feel your pain 😢

Me to DH: could you grab a bag of potatoes on your way home please?

DH to me: Please can you pick up three perfectly spherical golden unicorn tears harvested from the left boot of a goblin king?

At the end of the day there's no objectively right or wrong answer, OP. Some people would be happy doing this, others wouldn't.

The only important thing is how you feel about it, and if you aren't happy with it then you need to communicate with him.

Oh OP, I am with you on this!

Im out the house from 7.30-5 (Inc a 45min commute each way) every day. And my job is very non stop, on my feet, I tend to work through lunch breaks etc.
In comparison my partner works 8.30-4.30, from home. He has an hour lunch break that he doesn’t work through.

And he does this to me!
I will take this moment to say he usually does our weekly food shop. We have a shared shopping list app that we both add to as and when, and he usually does a big shop for us on a Friday when he’s finished work. He gets everything for the weekend, and the following week.
But then there will sometimes be the odd weekday where I’ll get a text saying “I’ve just added a few bits to the shared list that we need, are you okay to pop in to Tesco on the way home and grab them?” And it REALLY irks me. The shopping is his job, (I do my fair share of chores, before anyone jumps on that!) and I just think ‘ffs I’m already out of the house for nine and a half hours a day, with no “proper” break, Inc one and a half hours of crappy rush hour driving, whilst he has no commute and only works 7 hours with a nice long break in the middle and no commute or anything. Would it really kill him to pop to Tesco himself, which is a five min drive down the road? If he did that when he finished at 4.30, he’d still be home by 5, which is still so much earlier than me!
But it’s definitely that mentality of “you’re already out so it’s easier for you,” and it really annoys ne so, OP, I am so with you!

In my world, going to the shops would be good exercise, break from screen etc (but maybe it would be a drive in which case that really doesn't work)

More than once a week would piss me off.

Also, if he were using me as a first port of call, rather than a reluctant, emergency option.

If it weren't convenient and/or not important, I would just say no.

My DH does it with prescriptions. He doesn't drive on his own these days so I understand I need to do it but it's the way it's asked. Oh can you get my tablets on the way back from work. No it's not on the way from work and when I'm done I just want to get home, why not pick it up when we're out together? We usually go out on Fridays so just organise yourself.

I do this too to my fiance all the time 🙈

I hate this and always decline. Because I have to pull in and park up, get out and buy whatever and then get back in, pull out. It takes at least 10 mins and that's my 10 mins, not DHs to decide he suddenly needs corned beef or some beer.

But I hate shopping, even just calling to the local shop for bread and milk. I'm also constantly busy and flying around all over everywhere so adding to my list is not accepted.

I often ask my husband to do this , zero issue unless he’s secretly resentful

Surely, surely there is a simple answer to this. You just don't see the message /call in time.
You arrive home, oh sorry dear my phone was on silent i never saw your message. No, im not going back out again now - you go.

Just tell him you don't like doing it. Absolutely reasonable to just want to get home at the end of the day. I am the same.

DH genuinely doesn't mind and will always pick things up if he's passing. So he would assume I felt the same if I hadn't told him I hate it (I have, so he doesn't ask me).

We are all bothered / not bothered by different things. Just tell him and don't overthink it.

Thanks everyone for your opinions, I was really genuinely interested in whether other people would mind or not. I find it fascinating that some of our brains work so differently.

To people giving advice on how to deal with it, thanks, you're very kind. Honestly I don't have an issue saying no to him, or talking to him about it. It wasn't so much a "help me deal with this" as a "would being asked annoy you".

Appreciate all the responses!

My ex husband used to do this. Drove me insane. I left him, not just because he was too lazy to walk to the shop. Now, married again, this twerp does it too. Oh, could you just get, oh could you just pick up...I just say no. I either just attract lazy idle tossers or all men are opportunistic. Edited to say you are definitely not being unreasonable in being irritated. I'm seething just thinking about it.

We do this all the time, because picking up something from home means a 20 minute drive in one direction. If someone is already in town, they tend to run all the errands.

I can see being annoyed if it would take little time on his part.

This sound annoy me- parking, getting child in and out of car- your OH could think ahead, or go himself. I’d probably rather get home, drop off child, then walk to the shop if it’s five mins away (but then I hate parking).

We have a similar arrangement in that DH is home a lot more.

I do generally pick stuff up on my way home if we need something.

We do live rurally though and our only shop is 1.5 miles away in the village. Although we try to support it when we can, it is a small co op, so some things are limited and I find Co op quite expensive.
I literally drive past a large tesco and have a club card so it works out cheaper and isn't out of my way so makes sense.

If it isn't working for you, speak to dh and explain that it isn't and there needs to be a different arrangement.