To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

[ITru]

My DP earns 3,800 after tax. Although we live together he also owns a home and so our finances have always been separate and we just split food bills and heating for my place. Anyway…

it recently came to light that DP is saving 1,500 from an income of 3,800. He never asks me to sub him or anything so that’s not the issue… the issue is he has often said let’s go somewhere cheaper for dinner or let’s go abroad one less night etc. he’s always trying to cut costs. Now I know he’s saving this it’s really annoyed me. Like I say he does pay his way so that’s fine but I can’t understand why for example we went somewhere average for my birthday dinner recently or why we couldn’t have split the cost of a swanky hotel when we went away in summer rather than camping like we did!!

I know everyone has a different perspective on how to spend money and what to spend it on but AIBU to think this is extreme?

Please read all the posts. He IS paying his own mortgage!

He’s free to do what he wants with his money. If it doesn’t suit you, then it’s up to you to make a choice. It sounds like he’s got a sensible head on his shoulders.

Just because he wants above his needs doesn't mean he has to adjust his lifestyle accordingly. This is about lifestyle coxes and whatever values and ethics each of you holds.

If he is just a partner leave him to it, it is not your business really and you have separate finances. If you are married, then smile and say: so this is for a really nice house, right?!

No, he absolutely can’t!

Unless he contributed to the purchase price, paid for significant home improvements or there is a written agreement to the effect that he is entitled to a share of the beneficial interest, he cannot derive any rights.

Hes paying his own mortgage, but that's irrelevant. That's an asset that is 100% his, he could sell it or rent it out if he wished to save that bill, and the OP doesn't benefit from using it or sharing ownership/profiting from it right now. Of course she has 100% ownership on her own home too, but he's benefiting from living in it rent free and maintenance costs free.

@Mrsttcno1 what I say absolutely makes sense and I don't know what's not to understand about it? He lives there but only pays for what he consumes (electric, food etc) but he's benefiting from being rent free/mortgage free/maintenance costs free on the house he's actually living in. Whilst feathering his own nest elsewhere with his own house. It's completely normal and standard to pay housing costs/rent in this scenario when he benefits from using her house and also paying off his own faster..

But if he started paying rent, personally I'd have a contract drawn up by a solicitor ensuring he has no claim over the house in the event of a split. It may not be cute to be so black and white, but life is hard without having another financial anchor in the guise of a loving partner.

"Saving a third of your income is relatively normal"

If you can afford it maybe, but 1500 isn't a third of 3800.

From a positive perspective OP - it can be a very good balance in a relationship to have one person who saves and one who likes to spend a bit. IF you can reach a compromise, you can have a good quality of life without sacrificing too many savings.

You have to both be willing to give a bit of leeway at times.

£77k isn't really a huge amount of savings for the rest of your lives - it IS important that you keep adding to it - and you need to remember it's only there because he has a good attitude to saving.

That's absolutely not to say you should never be able to enjoy a night in a nice hotel - but you both need to communicate and compromise - that's what relationships are about. You're both bringing something positive! You just need to find the mid-ground.

Yes, a half decent pub is Ok, but what about if it's a horrible pub with a toilet smell and sticky table? Sounds like OP has to do everything bargain basement.

I think it depends on the long term plans for you both. If he is saving that money so that in a year or so you can afford to sell both your properties and get a nice house together, then you would benefit from some of the restrictive behaviour in the long run. If you were on the same page about that, then it might help? If there are no plans for combining your finances, I would be a bit miffed I think because that is a good salary and he has a buffer for job loss or whatever so what does he think is going to happen. A lot of people could only dream of the peace of mind £77k must get you. I think there is a fine line between saving for a rainy day and living for the day. You can't, as my DH tells me all the time, take it with you.

Well, yes, because otherwise I'll have some bad news for my landlord :)

It's her business because she's the one who has to go camping when she doesn't want to and doesn't need to!

They BOTH have an asset that is 100% theirs. Why should he have to pay 1.5 mortgages? Why is that fairer than each paying for their own mortgage? OP’s mortgage is not higher for him living there, she’s paying that regardless. The bills which are higher for him being there he pays 50% of which means actually she’s no worse off and isn’t subsiding him at all. But yes men are all horrible and he should be paying for every bill on both houses because that’s fair!!!

This with bells on

100K is enough for most emergencies but nothing like enough for retirement. I suspect that's what he meant by security?
If you haven't given that much thought, in simple term, just think how much interest / return on investment £100K can produce:
At 7%, which is very high, it only gives you £7000 per year. In recent years one would only get 3-5% which is £3000 to £5000 per year. Even with state pension of approx £11000 (current level), you're looking at something between £14000 - £18000 per year, ie £1166 to £1500 per month. That is substantially less than the £2300 he has now after saving 1/3 of his income.
That's probably a good level of saving, he should probably invest the money though and not just keep it in the saving account.

I never used to be able to save as a sp! My dp of 14yrs was always on at me to save. Now I love watching my savings grow.
Your dp is to be commended.
However, I can only dream about saving the amount most of you wealthy mumsnetters can🤗

Cocklodger.

I'm on Team DP here.

First, if he decides he wants to change job to something less well-paid, he can do that without changing his lifestyle.

Second, money doesn't go off like milk (assuming of course that the savings are put somewhere like [mostly] shares, so they keep up with inflation, etc etc). You can come back to it later when you need it.

Every 3 months that he puts £1500 in the bank is £4500, which within rounding is 2 months of spending at £2300. Put another way, after 6 years of saving at that rate, he can have 4 years of not working, while still spending the £2300 Four years of not working could time to do a degree, or be a SAHP for a crucial part of a child's life.

18 years of saving at that rate buys you 12 years of not working. That could mean retiring at 54 instead of 66. 12 solid extra years of life when you're probably still in pretty good health, versus frittering it away on slightly swankier consumer goods? I'll take the first of those, thanks very much.

GoldenLegend · Today 16:53, she'll be getting a visit from 3 ghosts soon.!

He's ripping you off OP, he benefits from living in your house but you get no benefit from his house.

Better to be a saver than a spender.
I wouldn't be complaining.

I have not read the whole thread but I don't understand the fact that you are saying he lives with you but own a property that is not rented.

Why doesn't he rent it out? that would give him even more income and therefore savings.

Beyond that I don't see anything wrong with him wanted to save as much as he can.

He’s living there!

Who wouldn’t love to live rent or mortgage free? You are subbing him - can’t you see he’s in a great financial position maintaining his asset (his property) whilst living with you paying no rent? You’re enabling him saving that money. I can’t imagine living anywhere and not paying some kind of rent or contributing to the mortgage, it’s just wrong.

Maybe she doesn't want him contributing to her house. Wise.