To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

[ITru]

My DP earns 3,800 after tax. Although we live together he also owns a home and so our finances have always been separate and we just split food bills and heating for my place. Anyway…

it recently came to light that DP is saving 1,500 from an income of 3,800. He never asks me to sub him or anything so that’s not the issue… the issue is he has often said let’s go somewhere cheaper for dinner or let’s go abroad one less night etc. he’s always trying to cut costs. Now I know he’s saving this it’s really annoyed me. Like I say he does pay his way so that’s fine but I can’t understand why for example we went somewhere average for my birthday dinner recently or why we couldn’t have split the cost of a swanky hotel when we went away in summer rather than camping like we did!!

I know everyone has a different perspective on how to spend money and what to spend it on but AIBU to think this is extreme?

That’s exactly my view now , still buy things I need or love but priority is saving to retire at 55 - amazing how much you can save with that carrot dangling !

There are some odd attitudes towards saving on this thread.

I didn’t know that to save you have to have a reason.

Do people not realise that the wealthiest people live off the interest their savings generate or off income that comes from owning properties.

True, although it appears he's not invested the money.
The whole concept of questioning the amount that someone is saving seems very strange to me, is if the default is to spend all your money!
I take home about that much and I save about two grand a month.

I mean I would argue having £154,000 in savings on a maximum of £38,000 salary is hard. Being conservative having all housing and living expenses at £1,500 then having £1,000 spare it would still take well over a decade for to achieve 150k.

Interest accrues. Maybe investments paid off.

Sure but during the last decade interest rates have been insanely low. 1% interest isn’t really helping you reach 154k by saving 1k a month.

Do people not realise that the wealthiest people live off the interest their savings generate or off income that comes from owning properties.

That’s why not renting his house out is so mystifying. 🤷‍♀️

There are some very big holes in this jigsaw!😶

I imagine they just haven’t been together all that long and living with OP in her home is sort of playing house rather than them bough deciding on to officially move in together and commit. So keeping his house allows them both an out at any time.

In the last decade I've had savings accounts with relatively high interest and I don't have huge amounts of savings.

The more money you have, the more interest banks are willing to let you have on your accounts. And that accrues faster, because each year as well as your own input the interest is added and then your interest £amount the following year is higher.

People also tend to work for longer than 10 years of their lives, so it doesn't need to be 10 years of 1k a month. It could be 20 of £500.

Some jobs come with bonuses too. I've always used mine for things we need (new car, house repairs, insurances in one lump sum etc). Some people use theirs to pay off chunks of mortgages. Some save them.

Then there's gifts, inheritance etc.

If you want a big savings pot, it can be done. How long it takes is dependent on circumstances but if you are disciplined it will happen. I haven't been but I'm on my way now and I can see it building.

I’m not suggesting that it isn’t possible to save, I’m disputing the poster claiming that it’s not hard to save over £154,000 on a maximum salary of £38,00.

It’s not exactly easy if it takes two decades, is it?

Not really as he doesn’t have properties, he has his home. And how long has he been in this relationship? We also don’t know if his savings are invested.

Then there's gifts, inheritance etc.

If you want a big savings pot, it can be done.

Well inheritances & gifts certainly make saving a big pot easier but it’s not quite the same as saving from income alone.

Some people are just frugal. Just because you can afford to spend money on certain things doesn't mean you necessarily want to if you don't think they are good value or needed.

I'm quite surprised at the replies saying OP is "subbing" him. If two people both are paying mortgages on their own houses and decide to live in one house of the two, why would it be expected one then pays for two properties as in mortgage and rent on top of it? I don't get it. It's clearly the better deal then just to move the partner into your own house according to this line of thinking over two people making this choice for themselves as a couple. It would be different if the partner was renting the other house out and keeping it all and a 50/50 split of rental profit to the house they live in would be fair. I also don't agree with charging "rent money over market rent" to a partner, anyway as they don't happen to be lucky enough to own a house, too. Sharing the bills is fair, though.

OP, I hear you. It seems like he's hoarding too much money relative to the quality of life between you that should be or what you most want. Your issue definitely isn't "you're subbing him" as you've stated many times, it's navigating around getting your biggest needs met over you say, wanting a bigger holiday than camping or a meal different to feeling like you're having to penny pinch when you as a couple, shouldn't need to. I would suggest maybe you make a fun date over it as five things that matter to you both. Share you'd love a good holiday or whatever else and then maybe he might open up more about his fears of having a certain amount of savings? Together you can do this. Best of luck x

I think its not reasonable if he doesnt pay anything towards housing.
Its not possible to tell from your OP if he is really being too tight as not wanting to splesh out on holidays and fine restaurant could easily be reasonable, depending on what exactly it means in your daily life. People have different views on what is reasonable to spend on days out, eating out etc.

And I'd prefer to stay in my own lovely home that I chose.

@randomfemthinker I don’t see the subbing thing either.

Maybe he just wants as easy a life as possible?
He can't be bothered to rent his house out, he can't be bothered to invest or spend his money, he can't be bothered to do housework so he lives with OP?

This isn’t weird to me. I grew up pretty poor and can’t get out of the habit of saving no matter what I earn. My take home pay is £2,600 and I save around £1,200 a month. I’m also the only person in my friendship group who brought a house without parental support with an 80k deposit. I just can’t spend on fancy stuff, it always feels wrong. And it does feel like a shame but saving takes away a lot of anxiety for me

He can't be bothered to rent his house out, he can't be bothered to invest or spend his money, he can't be bothered to do housework so he lives with OP?

Err, how was this your takeaway? 😆😆

@ITru Your DP may earn a whopping salary of £3800, but managing to save £1500 of that and live on a much more modest £2300 is extremely impressive.

Your DP sounds like an intelligent person who is made of tougher stuff than most people. I try to be frugal, but I would struggle to be frugal on that same level.

What? Putting money into a savings account is not investing. Some ISA investment funds have averaged 15pc annual returns over the past decade. Tax free.

I made 12pc last year. Don't leave your money in the bank.

@Abitboring Some ISA investment funds have averaged 15pc annual returns over the past decade. Tax free.

Most people aren't aware of these funds because they are surrounded by daft people who also are not aware of these funds. I didn't really find out how to invest until 3 years ago.

the OP hasn’t in fact said the house is empty.

you also seem to be confused about how one accrues property rights.

the OP has in fact explicitly stated she saves at a rate of about 50% of which he does. She could close that gap if she wasn’t having to sub him.

but other than that, great input