To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

[ITru]

My DP earns 3,800 after tax. Although we live together he also owns a home and so our finances have always been separate and we just split food bills and heating for my place. Anyway…

it recently came to light that DP is saving 1,500 from an income of 3,800. He never asks me to sub him or anything so that’s not the issue… the issue is he has often said let’s go somewhere cheaper for dinner or let’s go abroad one less night etc. he’s always trying to cut costs. Now I know he’s saving this it’s really annoyed me. Like I say he does pay his way so that’s fine but I can’t understand why for example we went somewhere average for my birthday dinner recently or why we couldn’t have split the cost of a swanky hotel when we went away in summer rather than camping like we did!!

I know everyone has a different perspective on how to spend money and what to spend it on but AIBU to think this is extreme?

Is he also saving into a pension separately?

If not, then this seems a sensible sum to be saving for pension (although he should be saving it into a pension fund not a regular savings accounts to maximize benefits)

I can't stand tightness and your partner would drive me mad. I would much rather enjoy my life and spend what I want if I have the money.

Sounds like he's hedging his bets. He could be covering his mortgage payments (and potentially more, depending on where you live) by letting out his house. It's a faff to get going with a bit of outlay (c. £5k or less for certs and regs) but pretty straightforward after that. That would free up a big chunk of his income for spending (or probably more saving!). Unfortunately, it makes it trickier to just walk out the door on a Tuesday, go back to his own home and never be seen again.

Yanbu.

Im close to dumping a friend who recently forced reorganisation of someone else’s birthday meal from one venue to another for the sake of about a fiver saved. I guarantee you this is the kind of person who will turn around in 20 years time and gift a trust fund to their child for uni and house buying. No issue with the latter but don’t feign poverty and piss on others enjoyment in the interim period.

Sane here. He's prudent. £77K isn't all that much.

Nonsense. £100k could be gone in an instant with ill health, redundancy, economic depression, etc.

Perhaps you need to do a personal finance course.

Also £77K is not nearly £100K from a cash flow standpoint. It's about 3/4.

But you are subbing him by allowing him to live rent free

Regardless of whether he's a cocklodger, I know his house is his property but I couldnt get over someone who was turning down potential rental income every month by refusing to let it, unless there's some massive problem with the house that OP hasn't mentioned. What a waste.

The reason he can save so much is because he makes frugal decisions. Good on him.

Yes he could stay at expensive hotels occasionally but then he wouldn't have savings.

If you feel he is taking advantage of cheap living with you, & you are subsidising him, that is another thing. Work out what half of the bills are together & he can pay that. He shouldn't object to a fair split & he can afford to cover his cost of living.

How old is he and what is his pension situation?

DH has had to save a lot for a while because he had a patch in his career with no pension contributions so had to make up for it.

Unfortunately £100k wouldn't last long if you had to live on it and pay for carers.

Perhaps he's been freaked out by Labour's new rules regarding tenant's rights? If you get bad tenants, that stop paying rent, you're in for a world of pain.

My wife's parents are sitting on a property in London that they won't rent out because of all the changing rules. I think a lot of 'accidental landlords' will be in the same position.

We don't know how long his property has been empty. If this is a fairly new relationship, then it seems prudent to keep the home available in case things don't work out.

The really odd thing here, I'd say, is that he has £77K in savings and a mortgage. Wouldn't be do better to pay the mortgage down?

I don't think his level of saving is a problem though. But if you've got very different expectations of your joint lifestyle I can see it might cause problems. I'd say talk to him about that, rather than about the saving as such.

We don't know how long his property has been empty. If this is a fairly new relationship, then it seems prudent to keep the home available in case things don't work out.

thats what I would do.

The really odd thing here, I'd say, is that he has £77K in savings and a mortgage. Wouldn't be do better to pay the mortgage down?

We don’t know because we don’t know what saving vehicle he is using or how big his mortgage is. Paying off a mortgage is not always the best use of your money.

If the mortgage is £250k, then he can't fully clear it with his savings. It is probably better to keep the savings as 'redundancy insurance' so that he can go a couple of years without any earnings or lower earnings while changing career, etc.

I can’t get my head around the luxury of having £2.3k to spend AFTER already putting money into savings, so yes YABU. I’m sure you still both live a nice life and it’s his money at the end of the day.

how do you do this please?

@DancingNotDrowning She could close that gap if she wasn’t having to sub him.

How many times can the OP herself repeat that she isn’t subbing him. She’s not spending any more than she would without him

Putting your money in a high risk investment where could lose much of it as well as increase it isn’t exactly an easy no big deal way of doing it.

It’s simply stupid to claim it’s easy to save £154,000 on a salary of £38,000 and under.

He needs to save more sensibly, pension and stocks and shares ISA’s. Far far far too much cash. It’s falling in value in real terms. THAT’s the issue here, not the saving.

We save 34% of our income.

Or perhaps he has an ex and kids who still live in the house...

I think it shows a difference in how you like to live your life. I agree that it would be nice to splash out every now and then rather than being prudent all the time. I was like your dp until we had a few close friends die and I then decided we might as well live a little while we could than always saving for a day that might never come! Good luck with trying to persuade him to change his mind though...

It's also actually not hard if you're disciplined and want to do it.

It's just priorities. For some people saving consistently is a priority which makes it easier.

Doesn't matter who you're surrounded by. If you want to find something out you can.

I used to be surrounded by people who couldn't make decisions or solve problems for themselves. I still learned how to do the job I do now, which is making decisions on behalf of a business and solving problems that arise.

My parents grew up with people who didn't know how to handle savings accounts or credit. They had nothing. My parents are comfortable and saved & invested well. By doing their own research.

Your theory suggests no one is able to think for themselves, like we're all sheep.

But if she said "pay me rent or get out" he'd just...go back to his house...

I'm actually intrigued by this reply.

If there's nothing you want to buy which would mean not putting the savings away, what would you do with the money instead?

He still has £2,300 net income, which is above average and unless he has a huge mortgage would be fine for many people, but you think he should be blowing more cash on things he doesn't want?

"Enjoy my life..." may be about material things or extravagance for you, but for a lot of people it's not.