To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

[ITru]

My DP earns 3,800 after tax. Although we live together he also owns a home and so our finances have always been separate and we just split food bills and heating for my place. Anyway…

it recently came to light that DP is saving 1,500 from an income of 3,800. He never asks me to sub him or anything so that’s not the issue… the issue is he has often said let’s go somewhere cheaper for dinner or let’s go abroad one less night etc. he’s always trying to cut costs. Now I know he’s saving this it’s really annoyed me. Like I say he does pay his way so that’s fine but I can’t understand why for example we went somewhere average for my birthday dinner recently or why we couldn’t have split the cost of a swanky hotel when we went away in summer rather than camping like we did!!

I know everyone has a different perspective on how to spend money and what to spend it on but AIBU to think this is extreme?

They do have holidays and meals out. They're just not as "lavish" as OP wants.

@ITru you haven't answered any questions around whether he wants to do the lavish things but acts like they're too expensive, or just genuinely prefers the simpler options?

Some people like camping better than a flash hotel or resort. Some people prefer a decent burger to Michelin star restaurants. Both are ok, as long as everyone involved is actually enjoying themselves.

He should be paying towards your mortgage not just the bills. He is taking up space in your house.
I'm not surprised he's so tight with spending based on the fact that he thinks it's fair to love with you but not contribute to your mortgage.

He should rent his place out and pay your something towards your mortgage and save.

£77K who the hell has that kind of money in savings?!

£7K is good, but £700 is probably what most of us have...

But he’s living with OP so should contribute

sounds stingy about going out place- coulnt do that long term

what about marriage kids?

From what I’ve read since I joined Mumsnet, many have mega bucks

OP has said herself she's not subbing him, mortgage/bills wise she's happy with the arrangement. Maybe they both just want to pay for their own homes and have absolutely no doubt about whose is whose for now, given they aren't married.

She asked about the savings and her issue was with the spending on their "fun" stuff. People should focus on answering that rather than something she's already happy about.

Has he thought about donating it to charity?

It just seems ridiculous to have all that money stashed away for himself. Is is suffering from mental health issues like hoarding?

I always try and give a bit of money to the Cats Protection when I can. Think of what £77K could do for them....

So you're not subbing him, he just saves a lot? In which case that's a good thing isn't it? People spend money they don't need to all the time, far better to save whether to invest or another property in my view. I don't understand what you think is the problem.

But everyone involved isn’t enjoying themselves. Wanting to stay in a hotel (doesn’t have to be flash) rather than camping is hardly “lavish”.

I know right, I mean, who needs money for their retirement? Why on earth would anyone want savings stashed away?

Perhaps if you read the thread you’d have seen that it is in fact empty. And that the best thing the OP can do to protect her house is not to ask him to contribute to the mortgage in any way.

For him, I expect it’s an escape route in case they’re not compatible, which given the OPs propensity to spend and his to save seems quite likely!!

Other than that, great input ;)

Just chat to him about it!

But that doesn't make her DP wrong.

If he likes camping and she likes a fancy hotel (as she said earlier in the thread), it's not about the costs. It's about them having completely different ideas of fun.

If he likes fancy hotels but refuses to pay for them because he's stingy, that's different. But if he doesn't, it doesn't matter how much money he has, he would be the one not enjoying their holiday. Not about how he wants to spend his money so much as his time. Same for OP.

I went out with a guy once whose idea of a fun holiday was AI in Turkey, laid on a sun lounger drinking as much as he could. Never leaving the resort. I can't think of anything worse. I'd much rather go camping, or get a cottage by the coast, or literally anything that involves being outside in nature away from normal society. Unsurprisingly we didn't last because we weren't able to have fun together.

Editing to add: I used the word "lavish" because OP said she wanted to do more "lavish" things and was a bit out out he could afford to but wouldn't.

If he lives with you why does he not rent his house out? He’d have even more money then! He could save less and spend more on fancier meals for example! Seems a waste to pay a mortgage on a house he isn’t in!

Precisely.

He is contributing 50% of bills with the exception of mortgage

Is he into FIRE? (Financial independence, retire early). Some of those guys are able to save 75% or more of their incomes by living very frugally, buying themselves years and years of extra freedom by retiring early. I assume not as he doesn't seem to be investing it, but it's not a loony amount to save!

Wish I was saving that much tbh!

So he has 100k in savings but he's still paying a mortgage, that seems rather irrational, surely the first thing you do is pay down your mortgage?

@ITru not excessive to him, obviously, so that is all that matters.

Depends how long is left on it, how much you owe, what the early repayments are on it, what interest you're paying on that v what you're getting on your savings and what your actual aim is.

Depends on the mortgage and your appetite for risk. Sometimes you can make more money on investments than you pay in interest.

I can’t see an issue really I’ve been saving more on similar salary , you have differing priorities - find a friend to have a luxe holiday with that’s what I do as husband quite happy with a week in a cottage in U.K. and no desire to travel

I have twice that. Although no house yet. But it's not that difficult. Never earned above 38k either.

I would save rather than spend on lavish things. I don't value lavish things. I'd rather retire earlier

It sort of depends what he does with the rest.

So, he saves £1,500, that leaves £2,300. That's plenty to live on. If his mortgage is £1k, he's got £1,300 left. Say he gives you £300 for bills and spends £200 on food. He's got £800pm disposable. That's actually quite a lot.

And I bet his mortgage isn't as much as £1k.

I think having £800pm to do what you want with is plenty. OK, so he doesn't go to top class restaurants. Must people don't.

I used to save £1k pm, ten years ago, so £1,500 now is probably the same. Until the mortgage is paid off it's hard to say how much is "secure", but he might need to spend £20k on a car in two years, for example. Or replace a central heating system for £7k. That's what savings are for. If he's like me he won't want to take loans for these things. I've never had a loan. Or any hire purchase.

The better question really us - why isn't he renting out his property? That income would make life better for both of you. Or, why doesn't he sell it. Is he not all in?