Why are so many people nasty to each other on here

[CamFoz]

Honestly, I have never been on a forum where people say such nasty things to each other. Fair enough, I haven't been on many forums, but users on MN will write a whole paragraph trashing each other. The judgemental attitudes on here are atrocious, most of the time over quite menial things. Do people really have that much time on their hands for this?

Interesting you’ve listed professionals as having something useful to contribute.

Honestly, one of the most interesting and perceptive people I know is the woman who cleans my office. She may not be able to offer domain-specific expertise like some of those you’ve mentioned, but I think she’d soon become a very popular Mumsnet user for her advice, wisdom and just her generosity of spirit. Oh, and her razor-sharp ability to read a person and assess a situation.

Because in lieu of having any actual hobbies, employment or friends they do this full time

Pathetic losers

A professional cleaner has a profession. It's a skill that people get paid for. Not really sure the point you are trying to make.

I see what you're saying here, I have seen some useful advice, that of course can sometimes be hard to hear. But often the advice is guided by assumptions about the OP, rather than lead by trying to understand the situation more, in a respectful manner.

I definitely agree with one of the posters above. There is a self-righteous, condescending tone adopted by many on here. Which isn't really necessary. This is the people I'm referring to.

Haha yes. You're right I mean't trivial. Thanks!

I think the point pp was making was less that the cleaner wasn't professional at her job and more that job title doesn't necessarily equate to the best conversationalist or all round wise person.
I used to work in research at a top University and some of the most interesting conversations I had were not with those in my line of work (researchers, post-docs, PhD students, professors) but with the ancillary staff - I think the point is really that don't necessarily judge someone on their (perceived) job/education/position of authority.

People often label others self-righteous, when the others are saying things they don't want to hear or would struggle admitting to.
For example, people call me self righteous when I tell them I cannot lie - the bottom line is I don't do it to be righteous in any way, something in me will just not let me lie and it actually is a pain in the a**e at times! My advice to folk never includes me lying or giving advice that would involve them lying. Some folk don't like that idea.

I think there are a lot of very unhappy people on here, and that is why they are so unpleasant.

There is also a culture that it is somehow a positive thing to be an arsehole, which I don't quite understand. Healthy robust debate is not the same as being an utter wanker to someone, but many here seem to try to hide their sheer nastiness under a guide of ' robustness and throwing off the patriarchy that tells them to be kind.'

They are also some utterly wonderful, wise, attuned compassionate women on here who are enormously helpful.

You just need to learn how to zone out the unhappy snarky ones and the natural bullies, and concentrate on the decent ones.

The best bit is when someone dares admit they find some women different to maintain friendships with and find men easier to be around and then a bunch of women pounce on and prove the op complete right.

Unhappy, resentful & jealous people look for scapegoats be it in real life or anonymously via on-line forums. Some people need to transfer their bile onto others in order to feel better about themselves. MN (some parts), unfortunately can be a sad reflection of real life.

It actually reminds me of a village I know in real life; a real vipers nest with some very unpleasant people.

I wouldn't support that. Posters get posts deleted for trivial things or for using a word they did not realise was banned. Maybe a three strikes and you are out would be better.

I can agree with that. I also love my cleaner as she does stuff that I cannot in a timeframe I could never.

Assuming anyone who disagrees with you is jealous is the most primary school aged bullshit I have heard in a while. I am genuinely baffled at people who come on a forum looking for advice from a wide range of people who then get offended when they hear a different opinion. It tells me you can't meet very many people outside of whatever bubble you are in.

If you want blind support stick to your WhatsApp groups with your mates.

This is so untrue.

I think this post hits the nail on the head.

Robust debate is really important and expressing views is fine and should be encouraged. The forum becomes a bit pointless without it. I guess at times that might come across as self/righteous or condescending if the view is something people find challenging.

But there is a big difference between expressing “ hard” views respectfully and descending to insult: “ If that’s your parenting view your Dc must be laughing stock” etc. These are usually the approaches that come out when they don’t like the views but are at a loss to deal with it rationally. Similarly the name-calling falls in a similar camp - usually with an “ ist” on the end, especially misogynist. And is the world really as full as narcissists as this forum would have us believe?!

Cue for another thread that will play out as exactly that.

I think there is a degree of in some people, a massive lack of resilience that makes them see criticism, challenge and strong opinions with no sugar coating = hate.

It's not healthy to jump to that conclusion as quickly as some people tend to.

#bekind doesn't always serve us well.

Not long after finding MN you started my first thread on AIBU and boy, did I very quickly notice how different the vibe on that board was I certainly got plenty of robust replies, some absolute warm and cuddly ones and also a good few posters who seemed to relish putting the boot in!

But that's life

There are a lot of users on AIBU and Chat and I think some people just sign up to give the poster a good telling off. People love to spout off online in a way that they would not be brave or foolish enough to in real life.

Most of the other boards are kinder and more pleasant in general.

Sorry should say I started my first thread, not you, @unlikelywitch ! Coz that would be weird

I agree with you. I have been in tears over some of the responses I have had.
This part of the forum is the worst for it. Nasty, don't know how some sleep of a night. Like a nest of vipers at times.

There is another thread going at the moment where one poster responded very aggressively to another. The original poster’s post didn’t seem that unreasonable to warrant such a response. But later, the second poster explained why what the first poster had said was so offensive, and then I could understand why she was so angry. But if you just respond with anger and snark with no explanation then it seems like it comes from nowhere.

Me too. Cracking reference.

I feel like some posters are trying to be like anyfucker who was known for being blunt and not holding back on her opinions. But they’re taking it too far. From what I remember I don’t think she ever bullied anyone she thought of as having a low IQ or called anyone a stupid cunt for having a different opinion to her. She seems tame in comparison to some posters now. Still, they want that reputation.

That would’ve been a baptism of fire

There’s always going to be sniping and trolling on forums, as well as just general disagreements. Mumsnet’s not unique in this.

I actually came here via Tattle which people fall over themselves to tell you is a place where everyone is so kind to each other, but that’s not my experience. Most threads are echo chambers and you will absolutely be piled on if you don’t agree with the majority. Not to mention the relentless vitriol towards pretty much anyone who’s even slightly in the public eye. I much prefer it here.