Can't sleep without s*x

[OopsyDaisie]

I wonder if this is actually a thing? But I'm pretty sure I am being lightly manipulated, for lack of a better word.
DH sometimes says he won't be able to sleep if we don't have sex (like, physically being awake, not because "he loves me so much he won't stop thinking of me" kind of thing). If I keep saying no and tell him to sort himself out if he needs it to sleep, he says it's not the same thing...
AIBU to tell him to stop acting like a 15yo?

I would never want to have sex with him again tbh, sex is for mutual pleasure, you are not a human service provider, he isn't entitled to sex.

How can you stand him?

Tell him he's a medical anomaly and suggest he write to The Lancet.

It gives me the ick, not just because it's pestering for sex, but it's like having to breastfeed a baby back to sleep, but a weird sexual version with an adult. Make sense? He isn't a baby that you need to (in some manner) nurse to sleep! Vomit!

Just to make it clear it's not every night!
We have sex about twice a week usually (it varies obviously, its not a scheduled task!). If we go about 5 days without is when he will say he won't be able to sleep... so I think some comments are OTT but I do think it's manipulative and he should take my feelings more into consideration!
If it makes a difference, we've been married for 15years and have 2 small DC.

I dated someone who was like this. He didn’t use it to manipulate me but it took him longer to fall to sleep and seemed to have a more disturbed sleep if we didn’t. This did have a knock on impact on my sleep then.

There can be a lot of physical activity involved in sex so it could be that it does wear him out more than if he just pleasures himself.

However, obviously you should only consent when you want to.

If he truly can't sleep unless you have sex, it might be physical exercise he needs, why not start going to the gym / swimming / do yoga / play tennis... or he can try listening lullaby / classical music in case it is the relaxation bit he has trouble attaining. He won't know what else would work until he tried them all!

That’s because it’s a control thing, not a sex thing. It’s about his “masculine power” over you.

Is he certain that sex needs to be with someone else in order to be effective?
😉😁😁

I'd turn it back on him. 'So having sex with someone who isn't into it and has told you she doesn't want to is acceptable because it helps you sleep?'

Just to make it clear it's not every night!

Just to make it clear, it doesn't have to be every night. It's abusive whether it happens once a year or one a day.

He needs to start going to the gym or take up running.

he’ll sleep then.

simple

tell him to have a wank and piss off

What a grim comment.

No, if she doesn’t want sex on any particular night for any reason she certainly doesn’t have to put up with him wanking in the bed next to you.
Have some bloody respect for your partner.

Vile

It's obviously the way everybody's body works. Men haven't got a monopoly on this, for goodness sake.

Everything 'gets off' to better quality sleep, more quickly, after an orgasm.

If the woman doesn't want to be the provider of that orgasm, that's totally her prerogative.

You know what is depressing? The fact that you feel that her two options are capitulate and have sex that she doesn't want because his special man body needs it, or lie in bed next a wanking man.

That's depressing.

Also was it just me or does it come across quite threatening?

Think carefully about encouraging him to sort himself out in this situation though

Like, the alternative might be worse so be a good girl and let him have sex with you.

@Mooneywoo not just you, no. Think carefully about your actions as you might just make this all a whole lot worse for yourself. There's a good girl.

Fucking gross.

Sorry you're married to a nasty manipulative sex pest.

Has he always been like this? Are you going to stay married to someone who just sees you as a defective sex doll?

It really is the same….

Guilt-tripping you into sex is part of domestic abuse.

See the 'sexual abuse' section on this page on the. women's Aid website:

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/#unhealthy-behaviour