Can't sleep without s*x

[OopsyDaisie]

I wonder if this is actually a thing? But I'm pretty sure I am being lightly manipulated, for lack of a better word.
DH sometimes says he won't be able to sleep if we don't have sex (like, physically being awake, not because "he loves me so much he won't stop thinking of me" kind of thing). If I keep saying no and tell him to sort himself out if he needs it to sleep, he says it's not the same thing...
AIBU to tell him to stop acting like a 15yo?

I wonder if he would muster up the courage to say something like that to a GP...
And I guess that says a lot in itself.

Coerced consent! Making you seem unreasonable for saying no. A really gross and abusive act from your husband and one I would consider leaving him for.

That's vile OP. Mismatched sex drives are a deal breaker for me anyway, but when it leads to someone trying to manipulate you and not taking no for an answer then it's just plain abusive IMO.

@ItMustBeBedtimeSurely

Honestly imagine the peace of sleeping alone and not having to deal with this crap.

Indeed. OP, It's heaven to be able to sleep alone and not have to fend off a sex pest of a DP. The worst bit is knowing they are going to start initiating crap unimaginative sex that you don't want.

Tell him that his right hand, P@rn hub and an Adidas sock will do the job

How did he manage to sleep when he was single?

And, maybe this will focus his mind, how will he manage to sleep when he's single again, which he will be if he carries on this nonsense?

Your other thread suggests he is extremely manipulative in other ways.

are you reassessing your relationship?

I don't think it's unusual for an orgasm to help people relax into sleep but it's totally unreasonable for him to try and coerce you into having sex with him on this basis. Tell him to go have a wank in the shower if it's so important.

If you won't tell him he's a disgusting pig and to piss off or leave him then at least put a blow up doll in the bed and sleep on sofa.

This would give me such anxiety about going to bed at night and being able to just relax, wondering whether tonight is going to be another night he tries to manipulate me into doing something I don't feel like doing (how do you ever actually want to have sex with him anymore without feeling icky at this point?)

So does he expect sex when you have a period or if you are ill? Or indeed if he is ill?

Go away for a fortnight and see if he's still awake when you get back...

I'd just say don't sleep then, night.

He has no "issue" and is using it as an excuse to manipulate you into sex.

What would he do if he was single as he says a wank isn't the same.

Would we see him in the world record books for most days awake 🙄

Every day i see a story of a man stooping lower and lower

As if!

Thats coercion at its finest. If he actually was ind espqir and an insomniac and said the things that have helped are x,y,z ... I need to see a doctor, fair play. But this is so not okay!!! Ew

I always wonder if things like this form part of the escalating for men who go on to commit sexual crimes. But no one seen it.

I would regard that as manipulating you into sex you don't want OP and that's not a loving thing to do! He needs to start working on self-mastery. Sex is a powerful urge but not a need, no matter what anyone, usually men, tell us. Meanwhile tell him that being made to feel you HAVE to do it is a real passion-killer for you. It makes me feel like it's yet another chore, just something else on a long list of things that someone else wants ME to do FOR THEM, and a=often at the end of the day when I'm exhausted and just want to wind down and go to sleep. Tell him that and see how he responds OP. Personally, I think he's a chancer, and he sounds too selfish, but you know him better than us!

An orgasm is definitely a sleep aid. Tell him to have a wank and to stop being an arse.

I certainly dont take rape lightly but each time you have to give in to his coersion it would technically be rape. Just like the women who say no thw stranger or acquaintance presses om because its somehow good for them. I bet you have sat him down and discussed this in no uncertain terms? Walk away

You are being manipulated, and not lightly.

No, sticking your dick in your hand is not the same as sticking it in a vagina. No, you are not a wank sock, a receptacle, a sex aid, a convenience, or his property. Your body is yours.

This has nothing to do with a high sex drive and everything to do with how he views you and what your function is within the relationship for him.

Gross.

How did he manage to sleep as a child and teenager?

Having to shag someone because they need to be soothed to sleep is the least alluring chat up line ever.

Just tell him that level of dependence is really unattractive. As an adult, he needs to learn to self-soothe, fgs.

Post sex men do get that sleepy hormone but it's also post wank so he should be able to sort himself out.

Vile man

Stop saying so highhandedly and disgustedly "it's not a thing" because it's not helpful. It's just showing a complete lack of understanding for how some people's minds and bodies work, and it discredits the more important point which is - you can't hassle people for sex.

The OP's husband is being coercive and that is disgusting and unacceptable BUT -

it may well be the case that he can't sleep in bed with a woman he hugely fancies, in a state of turn-on-ness. That doesn't mean he gets to hassle her about sex, it means he has to put up with it because she is a human being who gets to say yes or no without being hassled.
It's not gross to fancy your wife.
It's not unheard of to have sleep disrupted by desire.
it is still the case that you can't hassle someone for sex.