Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

I don’t work as I’m a single mum with complex mental health condition and several physical health conditions. I find getting through the day and meeting my children’s needs challenging enough. Working would add extra pressure and would amplify all of the above and I wouldn’t be able to look after my children. I’m thankful that the benefits system recognises all of this and I’m not expect to look for work.

Before anybody starts with the maybe I shouldn’t have had kids malarkey… I used to work full time but due to circumstances out of my control I became a single parent and very quickly burnt out.

No it was not. I am not interested in "gotcha moments".

I am not discussing this further.

Sounds like the politics of envy.

To be clear, it's not "a lot" of childcare that's funded. It's 15 hours a week, term time, which if you spread it across the year works out at approximately one day a week (just over 10 hours when spread like this, but you can't pay for the hours they're there, just a whole day or a half a day).

Then nurseries usually charge a sundries fee, because the funded hours only covers the hours, not food or materials for activities etc. so in reality it's less than one day a week funded.

If you can find a job that will let you work one day a week, then yeah, most is funded. But for the majority of working parents, it's between a sixth and a quarter. Not most.

Do some research before you start spouting nonsense to working parents about what we get.

Maybe take your own advice, and apply it to all parents.

Do what's right for you and shut the fuck up about what others do.

Isn’t there also tax benefits? Look for me, it’s a help to costs, but having kids you can’t afford and looking for others to subsidise you should be tn4 exception rather than the norm, change in circumstance, disabilities, it should never be a lifestyle choice. The I chose to be a stahp and can’t afford it so will claim benefits so others pay for me.

Of course a lot cope. The majority of SEN children are in mainstream school and attend childcare with minimal support and manage. Some even thrive.

But it's fairly likely those saying thier child doesn't cope, are in the small group where there child doesn't cope, not that thier parent couldn't be bothered to let them settle in or they lack resilience or didn't adapt.

A lot of SEN schools don't even have childcare to settle into and non school settings won't accept that level of need either. You cant always get a PA. Single parents of these children just have to be poor. They don't get a choice. My son didn't even have a school place for a year. Literally no one cares that you feel you have to work. That's it, the school says they can't meet need. The LA has no school available and there you are, with a high need child, no school, no childcare and the expectation is you just leave work or magic up family care. Lucky for me I had a partner, family and an employer who tried to help me.

Interesting topic - couldn't read all 800 is responses 😂

Yes, I think there is some truth in it. I am in couple groups on FB and that subjects if often discussed - not only by single mothers. They even have a cheek to say - how many hours minimum I need to work to not lose my benefits or to get the most... that's a very bad approach to it. They are painting themselves as people who simply don't want to work, and it's shocking really.

Maybe take your own advice, and apply it to all parents.

Do what's right for you and shut the fuck up about what others do.

I'm not the one starting goady threads on mumsnet with wide eyed innocence pretending they're not judging. It's those sorts and their supporters that should shut the fuck up.

YAC.

Not for everyone. I would imagine there are people who would love to work but can't. Perhaps people who live in areas of run-down industry where jobs are hard to come by. I think work is important because it provides balance in peoples' lives. It allows a window into the world outside your home and brings you into contact with a whole range of people and challenges. And money-earning your own money is really important for independence and self esteem.

Not having to work does sound like a luxury but it isn't always. People often need a purpose in life and the shape of the working day can give that. There are other ways of finding a purpose, of course but work is an obvious one.

Would you want to make yourself financially worse off?

@IVFmumoftwo I would go to work? especially when there is no medical reason for me to not work. Admittedly, there will be people who are ill one way or another, and therefore don't work full time - that's for the authorities to figure out who falls into to category. What im talking about is people who will do bare minimum and substitute the rest of their income with benefits.
It's not because they can't work, they don't want to work full time.

I can't work full so need that supplement. It genuinely isn't always that easy.

When we had our DD we qualified for nothing. No childcare support, no child benefit, nothing. We made decisions about what to do based on what we could afford, as many do.

The change in free hours has helped us through the childcare years enormously. But we weren't expecting it. However, as it's the first thing we've ever qualified for, for any kind of help, and between us we've paid a lot of tax and NI upto now, we were grateful to finally get some kind of support.

No but you are the one talking about children being "raised by strangers" and how tax payers are paying for people to work while their children are being looked after (and ignoring the fact that these working parents are tax payers).

You have no understanding of the childcare support but are very disparaging of it.

Stop judging other parents then telling them to shut up.

They even have a cheek to say - how many hours minimum I need to work to not lose my benefits or to get the most... that's a very bad approach to it

In terms of their own finances, it may well be the most sensible option. No different really from rich people using accountants to minimise their tax bill. Opposite ends of the social scale but most people are totally self serving.

Or those putting extra in pensions so they can qualify for the free 15 hours at three. Different strokes for the rich. 🤷

That's not really a "thing" any more regarding the minimum hours. With tax credits it used to be, but with UC there is no big drop off, the more hours you work the better off you are.

No but you are the one talking about children being "raised by strangers" and how tax payers are paying for people to work while their children are being looked after (and ignoring the fact that these working parents are tax payers).

You have no understanding of the childcare support but are very disparaging of it.

Stop judging other parents then telling them to shut up.

I have not mentioned 'raised by strangers'.

I've clearly said that if a parent wants to stay home until their child doesn't need childcare, I think they should be able to. I've also said if parents want to work, they should also be supported with things like flexible working and help with costs so they can remain in work

Personally. I chose to stay at home but believe all parents should have the choice. If you want to use childcare, fine, if you don't, also fine.

Maybe you're mixing me up with someone else because I don't judge other parents for their choice of work or not work when their kids are young. I judge others who judge others choices.

No, you're right, you said you wanted to be the one raising them. You talked about outsourcing it.

Totally different.

I understand why some people find work scary but the main reason is that they have been told it is a choice to work or not. It isn’t or shouldn’t be. The only people who should have the choice of whether to go out and earn money are those who have someone else to support them. Too many people think that the welfare state is there to support them in their choices whatever they are. No. The welfare states’s purpose should be to temporarily support those who fall on hard times not a lifestyle choice.

Working parents raise their children too. Providing financially is an important part of raising children for a start.

There’s studies that specifically show benefits of children having working mothers too.

Whatever studies you're referring to can be disregarded because there are more studies stating the benefits of a mother staying at home to raise her own children.

How do you know? Have you read all the studies talked about? How many are there, and how many are there about stay at home mother's? Why can they be disregarded but the ones that you prefer shouldn't be?

Who funded the studies? What point were they trying to prove?

What I mean is not because they claim legally (by not having sufficient income because they work very little hours ,hence a lifestyle choice) doesn't means is ethical. There are others that are claiming unethically (as a lifestyle choice) AND illegally (hiding funds or via identity theft etc)

I study five days a week when all DC are in school.