Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

The truth is not everyone (men and women) can have high powered careers and be high earners. The idea that those who can't shouldn't have children is quite unpalatable.

No, poster is just expressing facts

Those who can’t can still have children. Of course they can. But mothers shouldn’t be paid to be SAHM’s.

Gosh, this just about sums it up. Misuse and abuse at the expense of the hardworking tax payer!
No rewards for honest, hardworking people

For everyone who has a 'valid' reason for not working, there are lots of people working with the exact same issues.

There are lots of autistic people who work
Lots of people with no childcare support who work
Lots of people who struggled with confidence and what they may be qualified for find jobs

All the above describes me. Work is exhausting and I miss lots of 'special moments' like school plays. How can we have so many excuses for not working when working people suffer the same issues plus work 30-40 hours a week!

I do agree to a certain extent but I feel like change should come from the top rather than just telling parents to get their act together. Lower paid jobs by their very nature pay less but they should pay enough to afford a basic standard of living without needing top up benefits. Childcare options need to be more varied. Parents should have better employment rights...more flexible working/parental leave etc. Even just more creative thinking..job shares for example rather than one person doing a full time role. And whatever happened to a full-time job being 9-5? When I look at job roles now, they are all 9-5.30 or 9-6. This just isn't practical for most parents.

Agree entirely

I agree with the majority of that. Though I’d offer it to everyone, not just parents.

I’d also extend paternity leave. 2 weeks is pathetic.

I have a fairly easy going job, and I consider it well paid (not by Mumsnet standards). My employer is flexible and I mostly work from home.
I still don't actually want to work.

If my job wasn't so flexible I have no idea how I'd work. It's also OK for people to say UC pay for wraparound care, but what if there isn't wrap around care available? What about holidays? 3 week settling in for reception? Sickness?

Yes, it comes down to choices. But no-one really knows where those choices will lead them at the point of making them.

I believe there's likely a lot more people trying, struggling and failing to get off benefits and into work (including those that start and fail because all the childcare and house responsibilities are still falling on them and they can't do everything), than there are wilfully choosing a life on benefits because they love being poor.

PP said about the squeezed middle and wondering if you can afford to put the heating on. Very valid. But wondering if you can is still better than knowing that you can't.

I went back to work after having our first child and being honest, I hated it. I hated leaving my child, missing the little things, all the rushing around and extra stress. I worked for a few months and decided to be a SAHM instead. Life became instantly better and happier for us all when I stopped working.

Fortunately for us, we could support ourselves so we didn't need to worry about the financial side, but if I didn't like being a working mum, I'm sure some others mums feel the same. It's a shame that parenting doesn't seem to be valued when it's very important and not something that everyone is comfortable to outsource.

This.
100%
In my professional life I see people who put more effort into avoiding work than if they actually got a job.

3 week settling in for reception?

Forgot about all this! I'd say primary schools definitely seem to operate on the assumption that every child has a sahp available at all times.

So do I, it’s amazing how much application goes into it!

@Comedycook not my experience of primary schools.
They assumed everyone was working.

To be fair, I've been a SAHM now for a good 6 years, but when I worked, I did enjoy the social aspect, using my brain, bringing in money, career progression. It was also part of my identity and the fact I have to say "I don't work at the moment ", means in some ways I feel almost a "lesser" person for it. You can almost see the other person looking slightly bamboozled as to why, as an able-bodied person, I am not using my brain/skills to their potential - ironic, really, considering that it is my brain that was injured.

I'm sure many mums don't like working. But why should the benefits system be the fall back? If your partner can support your lifestyle that's how it should be but if not both parents should work.

My 'friend' is just lazy. Plain and simple and her young adult children have followed suit. Excuse after excuse why she and they can't work, haven't looked for work. Her husband can't afford to support himself never mind an extra 3. The whole time I've known her she's spent her life relying on handouts of money, clothes and moans constantly how tired she is and busy she is and how it's difficult with no money. I have no idea what three fully able adults do all day.
She just needs to work

Single mum here desperate to get back into work. I can assure you after months of applying, writing out covering letters and taking time to shape a decent CV, I am having zero luck even getting interviews never mind getting any offers of employment. Being on UC feels like a punishment. This might be the case for a lot of single mums out there. It genuinely is so hard to find anywhere that will accept me. Even with a solid background of employment and being reliable.

I'm sure many mums don't like working. But why should the benefits system be the fall back?

I don't feel strongly either way but I do feel that it is good for children to have a parent at home in many cases. I think there are benefits to society too.

If your partner can support your lifestyle that's how it should be but if not both parents should work.

It's a shame that some people's wages are so low and that costs are so high, that now both parents often have to work to have any quality of living. Years ago, one parent could work and afford to live. I'd like to see that again and parents having a choice.

My 'friend' is just lazy. Plain and simple and her young adult children have followed suit. Excuse after excuse why she and they can't work, haven't looked for work. Her husband can't afford to support himself never mind an extra 3. The whole time I've known her she's spent her life relying on handouts of money, clothes and moans constantly how tired she is and busy she is and how it's difficult with no money. I have no idea what three fully able adults do all day.
She just needs to work

Obviously if your children are adults and not disabled so you're not dating for them, people should be working rather than relying on benefits if they're able.

I def agree some dont want to work.. there were years I didnt due to young kids and sick elder parents. Back working now

And kids behaved themselves around adults. Communities brought us up. The man up the road was allowed to tell you off and your parents would be angry at you for being naughty, not the man.

I don't know why people have children and expect the state to pay for them. No one wants to work but we have to do it. It really pisses me off people think they can not work and get paid for it. How can anyone think that is OK?? I don't care if people are 'scared to work' get a bloody grip and provide for your children.

Guarantee it’s folks who don’t want to work or stay at home parents wishing the state would pay them for staying home with the kids.

the bottom line is don’t have kids unless you can afford them. And if you do, then get to work and pay your bills and feed the hungry mouths . Shouting it’s such an important job so you should be paid to stay home is nonsense.

Right and bet you’re first in line on the thread where some bloke tells off a kid , shouting he’s an arsehole.

In my professional life I come across a lot of Mums who genuinely want to work but can't due to their own health, or a lack of affordable and realistic childcare options for DC with complex health needs or SEN. But I also come across a lot of Mums who don't want to work.

Some claim they do and will put a great deal of work into coming up with excuses for why they can't possibly work, before immediately dismissing solutions and refusing help to remove barriers. But some are very open and honest about the fact that they don't want to and don't see why they should.

This is definitely not just 'mums' though.

I'd sooner see a big increase in money given to carers and people unable to work because of disability than those who want to pursue a SAHM lifestyle. The latter can (at least try) to find a suitable partner to realise that dream, whereas carers and disabled people can't do shit to change their circumstances, but often live in near-poverty.