Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

Another smoke screen. Convenient to blame big companies who keep people in jobs rather than blame the work shy who avoid whatever job is offered to take free money from the government instead.

It is a different issue.

Leave her alone.

companies only do that when profit is to be made and not for the greater of society how many companies recently are going bankrupt etc companies want to pay as little as possible wages wise otherwise how can they make profits the whole captialist model is not sustainable for the future and how many roles are being replaced via AI ect

@Fluffyowl00@SugarHorseSpooks you could put up corporation tax and pay out more benefits and effectively that's what's happening already. It was increased from 19% to 25% (eg 35% jump higher in a year) last year.

Yeah, this is what the OP is missing. She's basically asking why people want to be SAHMs, but she's using it to disingenuously engage in a fun bit of benefits bashing.

There are two separate questions. One question is: is it good to be out of work so you can be a SAHM? The other is: is it good to be out of work and on benefits instead? And clearly these are completely different questions. The OP is pretending they're the same question for the sake of drama.

Studies (I believe this is a US one) show that for children growing up at the same level of poverty, the % of children of such families who go onto to College/Tertiary education is much higher amongst those parents who are working parents, rather than those who are not in work.

Do not underestimate the poor role model that is set by parents who do not work and the lack of ambition and sense of entitlement it breeds in their children.

It's not childcare though. It's providing the child with things the parents are deemed as unlikely to provide. the caring of the child is incidental

Spot on

You are asking for a different model from a capitalist society. You are on the wrong thread. Meanwhile, whilst you are waiting, we are discussing something else.

Here you go OP, found someone who does something even more immoral than being a SAHM. Happy?

Thank you. That is so kind.

I like to expand on the spoon theory thing... about having so many spoons to get through the day. I see life demands as spinning plates. Friends, family, self care, hobbies, job... probably a few others. Some people only have so many poles to spin those plates on, so they have to pick carefully. So you will have a MN poster that is autistic and has kids... she only has 3 poles... her family, self care. and friends. If she worked, she would end up sacrificing one of the other things. If that makes sense? If you are married, then someone can hold up one of those poles for you.

The amount of people with ASD in paid employment is depressing.. and that is not because they can't work. There are so many barriers to even getting a job because of how people are interviewed, and then employers having to make adjustments etc. They don't want to, especially when they have someone more suitable and less "troublesome".

^*
Studies show that children growing up in poverty have poorer outcomes compared to their peers so I would absolutely say that it is better for them.*^

I get that. But that's not what the OP is saying. She's saying you should go back to work when they're young, pay for childcare and further your career. That's not the only option. For many mums there is no point to work just to be able to pay childcare and so they choose to spend those important years with their children.

Everybody is in a different circumstance and make their own valid choices, which is why starting this thread is ridiculous, goady and basically smug as fuck.

I know a few people who have worked part time and claimed benefits. Then went from part time to full time and they were worse off than when they were working part time and claiming benefits.

This thread is so massively disappointing. The classism is absolutely wild.

"Do not underestimate the poor role model that is set by parents who do not work and the lack of ambition and sense of entitlement it breeds in their children"

So we're just full on trying to make mums feel like shit tonight eh? Congrats

to answer this "Convenient to blame big companies who keep people in jobs" basically they only do that when profit is to be made as soon as its not then they are happy to ax staff etc look at the recent companies ax staff etc

Airbnbs are immoral?

So your issue isn't with the planning system or the house builders but with the person running a holiday home business?

Interesting perspective - do you think all small businesses are immoral? What about shopkeepers? Some corner shops could be homes? Do you go on holiday yourself?

again basically the capitalist model and the corporate factor is not upto date for a modern society where companies want to pay as little as possible

So companies have to pay more and limit their growth because people don’t want to work?!

Yet you simultaneously probably want companies to pay more.

What 🤣

Honestly I think some people are just raised differently in terms of what they want / need in life. I know some people on UC that would be paid roughly the same money if they worked and paid out for childcare, but they don’t consider that they can work their way up and get paid more.. their main priority is being with their children.

We’ve never claimed UC, don’t qualify for funding or child benefit. I went back to work this week after my second maternity leave and it broke my heart but we live a good life, enjoy the time we get as a family and have no desire to let anyone else pay our way - I also really enjoy my job and like that I have something else that I’m good at. The money we bring in would be considered decent and that funds our lifestyle, if we gave up some of our income we’d have to pull it back considerably and we just don’t want to do that. Other peoples desires are different.

BTW I don’t have any qualifications other than GCSE’s and my partner got a BTEC from college. But we’ve worked really hard and it’s paid off.

That's not the case any more with UC as there is no big "drop off" I work full time and claim, and the more I earn the better off I am.

You can afford driving lessons and to run a car on a full time minimum wage job with UC top up?

Who knew?

Out of interest @Dragontooth what's your job?

Glib.

Let me guess. You get your friends to call you ‘compassionate blueshoes’ because you have a £10 a month DD to the RSPCA

This is one of the most depressing threads I've read on Mumsnet for a long old time. And that's saying something.

Having to defend being a dedicated mum who happens to need benefits is so fucking exhausting at the best of times. On Mumsnet? Fucking ridiculous.

Putting words in my mouth a bit aren't you?

So your issue isn't with the planning system or the house builders

I wouldn't say the builders are the problem, but I do have issues with the systems that authorise residential short term sublets.

do you think all small businesses are immoral

No. And I'm not even sure I'd classify people who buy up houses just to let them out as short term holiday lets in residential areas as "small businesses", either.

What about shopkeeper?

Also no. Why would I have a problem with shopkeepers?

Some corner shops could be homes?

We also need corner shops, comedic example because many corner shop owners live above their shop.

Do you go on holiday yourself?

Not in residential homes, no.

It's not my wish to derail the thread. My point was that the OP wants to gloat about how awful these mums on benefits are, ignoring that there's loads of people who don't work but earn a living in ways that are actively detrimental to their communities, like people who own AirBnBs.