Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

Can't Joanne work at Tescos?

well if you want reform on one then reform on another is viable and more likey to raise alot more ££ overall

Curious to know what you mean by "the kids who will probably grow up to be the same"?

Also, having health conditions or disabilities doesn't mean you lack the parenting skills to raise children.

I worked my whole life up until I was in a bad car accident years ago and have been on very modest benefits ever since. I COULD work (my benefits would allow that but I would find it tricky physically)

However - I am now mum to a 2 year old who I never ever thought I'd be able to have and hell no I don't want to work. I want to spend every day with her. I know some people are the complete opposite but I have 4 years of her before she starts school, 2 left now. I have savings from my accident compensation and I wouldn't dream of going back to work and putting her in childcare.

Do you look down on people who don't want to work? I don't fully understand the point of this thread if it's not you just being judgey.

I worked all the way through single parenthood with some challenging health issues at the same time. It wasn't easy at times. Work is just something I've always done. It would never have occurred to me not to work, but I guess we're all different.

There are many who can't work, for a multitude of reasons, and that's understandable. There are also many who won't work, and I don't get that at all.

I get UC myself as a single working parent and I can tell you from experience it is not easily played (I was made redundant last year so had to jump through hoops for JSA) it is simply not possible to choose not to work if you are able with a 10 year old.

Everyone has free healthcare and education, so I am not sure why you mention it.

Thank you

Op there aren't many of us who want to work, however it is a necessity for most. I think a lot of people have a passing opinion on others' work situations or lack thereof. Your concerns seem genuine and well considered. However I'd ignore the temptation to take too much of an interest in others' situations and concentrate on yourself.

You’re right, I come from an area that has high levels of unemployment. My old school mates would laugh at me and say, why would you get a job when the government give you money and a council house? My family members are the same as this.

Don't see the connection. You could say that about almost anything but nothing gets done because it is all just smoke screens to avoid the real issue of the benefits trap.

Yes, of course there are some who don't want to work. I haven't looked for work since my DS was born and I don't have any work seeking requirements as I'm a carer. Financially we are fine as we receive additional amounts, we get cheap council rent and I know how to budget well on the money we get. We aren't struggling. For me it's a choice as there's no obligation for me to work and there are other things I prefer to so with my time. I'm not terrified by UC or anxious about my situation though - our finances are secure.

I wish more people were as understanding and compassionate about autistic people as you.

I've got ASC and I've worked full time since leaving uni. When working in an open plan office, I was a wreck by Friday evening and during a particularly bad time caused by lack of support at work, I had two burnouts in the space of 6 months. I could not function. With the right job and support, I can work well (I still can't really handle friendships on top of work and family though, but hey ho).

Having said that, I acknowledge that everyone with ASC is unique and has different needs and strengths and may not be able to do what I do.

Is it better for them that they hardly ever have their parents around during the most important developmental years of their life?

well if companies paid better and considered the workers better overall and made it easier to be took on and actually looked after and not have zero hour contracts when bills need to be paid etc then maybe society made be better off overall

I was talking about being out of work and on benefits or on disability benefits, not working part time. Though that can have it's stresses too, I think that would be the ideal for most parents as it allows time to bring up children and to do basic things needed for health and life as well.

If you have an interesting career that's one thing, but otherwise who actually wants to work? Mums or otherwise? Especially full time in a crap MW job?

I know this is an unpopular view, but since having dc I've come to think society's default expectation that mums of small dc should also work FT is madness as well.

I couldn't hack it personally, I've lost all interest in my previously cherished career anyway and now do the minimum needed to survive. No benefits, but wouldn't judge anyone who needed them.

Don't try and shame people for working with young kids. Yes, it is better depending on individual circumstances. Working is necessary for many to keep a roof over their head.

I think the government are trying to stop zero contract. I'm sure I heard that somewhere

I don't think it's so simple. I got my first job at 16, planned a whole career. I'm educated to masters level and speak two foreign languages fluently. I never ever imagined myself not working... I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I now have two small children and it was important to me to be with them at home while they were young (youngest is 18 months, I'll definitely stay home another year, possibly two). We don't claim benefits, we live off dh's salary and are comfortable enough to even put a decent amount of money into savings every month.

Obviously having small children, keeping the house in order, even with a DH who is an equal parent and who does his share in the home in evenings and weekends, it's tiring. I can't imagine how much more tiring it is when working full time too. I now don't know whether I should go back full time, part time, or do something else entirely where I can do a few hours a week. If we continue to get by financially, and our lives are easier with me at home, then why not? I could get used to not working for an easier and slower paced life I guess (for the time being anyway... I do think I'd miss working eventually). But right now I love the flexibility I have, the time with my kids and that I organise my time.

I know many people claiming UC (as single mums) who choose to have children and live on the benefit system. Those people don't seem to be in any major financial hardship. I'm sure that I will get shouted down for saying this uncomfortable truth but this is very much my experience. I agree that it isn't only single mothers ( I am one FYI) but for many the benefit system is a lifelong choice and brings a profound sense of entitlement.
The benefits system isn't being used as an interim safety net ; for many, it is a way of life

Goady thread, but since the one you're obviously talking about got pulled, why not.

I have four vaguely related things to say.

1. Since being a teenager, I have only ever been out of work for about 2 weeks (and I had interviews lined up for those weeks). It was horrible, and the build up to seeing one contract end without anything in place yet really made me sick with anxiety. I felt out of place and although it was temporary, it really knocked my confidence and sense of self worth. I can easily imagine how after such a long period away from work, people's confidence is in the ground.

1. Many jobs are fucking shit. Of course people prefer to be at home with their kids. Also, many shit jobs give you no flexibility. People in many "good" jobs have a lot more leverage - they can go and pick kids up early, work from home, negotiate hours to fit wrap around, and so on. People who earn better also can negotiate dropping days so that they're at home when kids are little. Most middle class mums I know do 3 days until Primary years kick in. A MW job won't give you that. You either work hard to earn, or you have to be on UC.

1. The idea that society would grind to a hault if women with kids aged 4 and under stopped going to work is pure mythology. Of course it wouldn't. I think that people say this to somehow make out that when they go out to work to earn, they're doing some sort of public service. It's fantasy. We could, if we wanted to, choose to support women having career breaks to take care of children. In fact, if we gave these women the amount of money that childcare funds cover, it would in many cases be enough.

1. What kind of messed up misogyny is making you fixate on mums? Of all the people you could point the "benefits" finger at, you've chosen the group of people that actually are working hard at home. Why?

Studies show that children growing up in poverty have poorer outcomes compared to their peers so I would absolutely say that it is better for them.

Then I agree with you not working at all is miserable the best thing you can do for your health is work even if it's just a few hours a week and I think this is where the government's focus should be

Do you mean you own lots of properties and rent them out as Airbnbs?