To send a birthday text at 6pm

[Trufflebutter24]

It’s my cousins little boys birthday today. I see my cousin as an older sister and love her and her son and see them often.
Today was her sons 2nd birthday and I had planned to ring this morning but we were late on the school run and I didn’t get a chance.
I had the most intense day at work, and I could have text her during the day but I wanted to call and so I waited till I got home and text the minute I got in.

My kids got home at 7, I rang as soon as they got in but expected it would be too late, so sent a video of us singing.

The only response I got was “too late?”. To which I apologised.

I know feel absolutely terrible, I didn’t forget the day but now maybe she thinks I did? I’m sitting beating myself up now.

Am I out of order?

Other people’s children’s birthdays are absolutely not a big deal to anyone who isn’t the parents (or grandparents of especially involved). Doesn’t mean the op doesn’t care about the boy, evidently she does. You’d hope as a mature adult the mum would have got ‘over it’ the second she received a message on the day of his birthday. Sadly she seems to have chosen to be rude and ungrateful.

Wow, she is extremely rude.

You know people celebrate birthdays on different days right? It's pretty normal to wish someone a happy birthday when you see them before their birthday or have a party on a different day?

Obviously it's fine. Everyone forgets birthdays and texts late.

But her reply had a question mark. I feel like you might have misunderstood her message. Was she asking if she can call back? Was she questioning why you thought it was too late to call - maybe she didn't think it was!

Sounds like you have kids of your own and a job and hence a very busy life.

Think your cousin is not appreciating that you too have a life.

You contacted on the day, I don’t understand the problem. Why someone would be upset it was at 7pm is bizarre to me.
Cousin a little too precious and sounds quite rude.

PS…does this kid have a phone already at age 2. 🤣🤣🤣

Thank you for all the messages, and it’s interesting to see the split of opinions!

1. i didn’t forget, I had the note come up in my phone diary at 7.30am. I planned to call before school with kids but that didn’t work out as my son needed to poo just before we were leaving which made us late.
2. Enroute to work I joined a work call and was back to back pretty much all day, when I had a break I had to call my daughter’s school as they rang and left a message.
3. On my other phone break I text my mother in law to check she knew where she was going for her first nursery pick up
4. I worked through my lunch.
5. I text the minute I got in, because I had wanted to text earlier but my day was hectic and I didn’t want her to think I had forgot.
6. Within 5 minutes of the kids being in I tried to call but realised it was too late
7. Card and present are being given to them at their party this weekend.

Not when the birthday is over FFS! 🙄

His birthday isn't over.

Let's all be honest here the message was for his parent not for the child so it matters not a jot when it arrived.

He will see the OP and his cousins this weekend when they will probably all say happy birthday in person.

I honestly don't get the angst.

Your cousin is so rude!

Yes the mum can play the video tomorrow, he’s 2 I’m sure he’d much rather watch a video of them singing to him in the morning than him mum read him a happy birthday text.

If she has always otherwise been a nice, sane person, she surely just means "too late to show him the video now - will show him in the morning"

In fact, maybe she started typing that and sent too soon?

Because only an unpleasant person is rude enough to type "too late" to a birthday wish for their child, given there is utterly no obligation to send one AT ALL - it's not the child's phone so not like he can read it - in those circumstances I may well just wait and say it when I saw him at the party to be honest.

But look, if you are hurt, instead of asking us and potentially getting more hurt and worried by some of the responses, can't you text her and ask what she meant? If she is close to you like a sister, surely you can?

If my brother sent that I would text back and say something like "Are you angry? Sent this as soon as I could - busy day!" Or something. And see what came back - hopefully reassurance!

Also just be careful as this thread is a bit outing if your cousin reads Mumsnet!

List numerically all the excuses you want to.

You still forgot/couldn't be arsed.

You could have sent a text early this morning ... A text would have taken you 10 seconds.

The little boy's birthday was low on your list of priorities. Just own it and quit making excuses. And apologise to your cousin when you see her.

Also, even if the party hadn't been this coming weekend (as you claim,) I am willing to bet you would still have rocked up with a card and gift 3-4 days late.

My cousin used to do this. ALWAYS 2-4 days late for my 2 DDs birthday. Did my fucking head in. Never any reason. She always came up with this 'I have been sooooo busy' bullshit!' (She never was.) God forbid you were late with the cards and gifts on any of her 3 kids birthdays though!

.

I think you're probably projecting a wee bit here.

Ridiculous. She could have text earlier but wanted to call to make it more personal.

And people have lives. She didn't not wish her own 2 year old child who lives in her home happy birthday as soon as they opened their eyes. Not that they'd understand if someone didn't wish them happy birthday between office hours.

I had no idea some people felt so strongly about this!

No it's not, your child's birthday is not my number 1 priority and while it would be nice to send a message earlier it's not the end of the world so that response was so freaking rude and uncalled for. Worse case don't show the child and move on if it's so important to you that your child only gets birthday messages until 6pm on the day.

I read these threads and honestly wonder if there’s something missing inside me because so many people get oddly annoyed by really trivial stuff that wouldn’t even register for me.

I don’t expect anyone to call and wish my children HBD - it’s nice when they do but I don’t have a big book of grievances filled with people who didn’t.

Laughing at how ridiculous @HeySummerWhereAreYou is being. Maybe it’s your cousin?

Some people seem to have missed that you sent a text when you got home from work too.

It’s impossible to know if your cousin is definitely being pissy or factual/distracted. But I don’t think you are being unreasonable. If she has any sort of grudge over this she is being silly.

Stop projecting, she is not your cousin.

My LO is 2.5, bedtime routine starts 630pm, and many this age asleep by 7/730pm. No chance would I be showing a video. I’d also have my hands full so might text that back. In context of age it’s a bit daft. Presumably if your close are you meeting for a birthday celebration another day? Have you sent a card or gift? If nothing else arranged, just apologise and say you’ll bring gift next time you see.

Did your daughters ever care that some random cousin of their mum was late wishing them a happy birthday/send a gift? If they woke up and found you had made a poor effort they’d be very hurt I’m sure. As they get older, friends forgetting would be shit. But ‘mum’s cousin didn’t send me card until two days later’ wouldn’t even register for most kids. If anything like me as a kid, a random card (with some money!) arriving a couple of days late was a bonus birthday.

The birthday is not over it was 7pm and they are having a party this weekend so that excuse doesn't fly at all. She was plain rude simple.

Christ.

@HeySummerWhereAreYou 's cousin really did a number on her 😆

That is exactly how I would interpret that message. It’s a question. Not a statement.

Every member of dh’s family forgets our children’s birthdays, then if we post on social media we suddenly get an onslaught of texts from them wishing the kids a happy birthday but it’s either 9pm onwards or a few days later, what’s the point? It’s not their birthday anymore. It’s hurtful that our children are always forgotten when all the other grandchildren/nieces/nephews get posts online and visits on their birthdays or taken out for food etc so our circumstances leave me feeling really pissed off.

This isn’t what has happened here though, I have all close family and friend’s children birthdays saved in my diary as you have said you do too and I text on the morning of their birthdays. I have had the same thing happen where the reminder has gone off but my day has run away with me and I’ve followed up with what I would class as a late text ‘So sorry it’s late but hope Bob has had a wonderful day, can’t believe he’s 4 already! See you at the party!’. Forgetting once i think is just life sometimes as my best friend has done the odd time and i have for her children too but i know and she knows it is a genuine slip of the mind or lost track of time. We haven’t forgotten. In the case of DH’s family they simply do not give a shit!
I suspect your cousin maybe just feels a bit hurt as it seems you have forgotten until late in the evening whereas a ‘sorry it’s late, I’ve haven’t had a minute all day….’ text would have cleared it right up.