Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex has joined my gym! AIBU to ask him to leave??

100 replies

gymgymmer · 10/09/2024 19:03

Hi all, am hoping for some pearls of wisdom please 🙏 What would you do??

So I recently spilt from my bf of 18 months. Before that I had told him I was going to join a gym and he made me feel like he didn’t want me to, saying it was a waste of money and gyms are crap etc etc. Once we spilt I joined straight away, I found it hard at first having the guts to go in and get started but I did and am now a month into a training plan which I’m loving. Imagine my surprise though when I saw him last week and he tells me he’s joined the same gym and has been going with a female friend of his (never met her). I now feel so uncomfortable every time I go, sick with worry that I’ll bump into him. It’s really taken the shine off it for me as I was loving it so much. I feel like asking him to move gym. I already know a few people that go there and have joined some classes and running club (which I also am worried he will join) plus I joined first so I really don’t want to be the one to move. Am I being unreasonable? Or should I just get on with it and try not to worry if I see him? It’s causing me some fairly major anxiety every day 😢. Thoughts most welcome please ladies xx

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 10/09/2024 19:05

Well you can certainly ask him - would he agree to it though? If it's unlikely it might be better to ignore him.

Butterfly43 · 10/09/2024 19:06

Don't ask him to move. He will likely say no, and then he'll potentially have the added bonus of knowing he's got to you. Hold your head high and ignore him if you see him there.

TomatoSandwiches · 10/09/2024 19:06

Well you can ask anything from anyone technically... but they don't have to comply and if he's gone to this effort to invade your space then I don't think he would stop do you?
Infact acknowledging him this way will likely be what he wants, ignoring him is best, act like he isn't there, it's a bit sad and creepy don't you think to do this?

Was he abusive or controlling?

Janeir0 · 10/09/2024 19:07

YABU as its not your gym. And then he will know he has got to you. Ignore, or move yourself.

Curtainsformeplease · 10/09/2024 19:07

He has undoubtedly done this to make you feel uncomfortable so the best thing would be to ignore him if you can. Definitely don’t ask him to change gyms as that will show that he is getting to you, which is what he wants.
Hopefully, he will get bored if he doesn’t get any reaction from you.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/09/2024 19:07

There's no guarantee he's actually a member - he could be saying that to put you off.

Just enjoy yourself. If he's actually joined and is doing it to upset you or impress the latest woman, he won't last anyhow.

Serencwtch · 10/09/2024 19:07

He's not doing anything wrong (unless there's a huge drip feed & you've got a restraining order for DV)
Either get on with what you're doing with the new friends you've made and ignore him or if it bothers you that much that you don't want to go then is there another gym you could go to or running club not attached to a gym

OhmygodDont · 10/09/2024 19:08

I mean you can ask but he can laugh. Unless you have some kind of restraining order his perfectly able to join any gym he fancies.

Createausername1970 · 10/09/2024 19:08

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

He is probably playing silly head space games. Do not give him the pleasure of seeing you are unsettled.

Next time you see him just ignore him, or alternatively, wave at him.

Justsomethoughts · 10/09/2024 19:08

I actually think he looks quite pathetic for doing this. I’d frame it in your mind as that.

Reugny · 10/09/2024 19:12

Most gyms have long hours.

If you go to the gym one time and he's there then the easiest way to avoid him is to go at a different time on that day of the week.

I used to live in a shared house of 4 and 3 of us belonged to the same gym for 2 years. I never ever saw my 2 housemates there and they never saw each other as we all went at completely different times.

ManhattanPopcorn · 10/09/2024 19:12

He wont move anyway so don't give him the satisfaction of asking. You're going to have to hold your head high and style it out. He's a dick.

angellinaballerina7 · 10/09/2024 19:12

Regardless of the fact I get it, you’d look a bit crazy asking him to leave. Don’t give him the satisfaction, enjoy yourself if you can and if in a few weeks/months you still aren’t happy then you can move.

Hateam · 10/09/2024 19:13

If you ask him, he'll know he's won.

Either ignore him or changes gyms, don't tell him and then forget him.

Alwaystired2023 · 10/09/2024 19:14

Also think he looks pathetic and weird doing this, just keep that thought in your mind and ignore him

Listen to some music you find empowering, Beyoncé or whatever works for you, at the gym to remind yourself you are better off without him

Michelle12A · 10/09/2024 19:16

YABVU

Cerialkiller · 10/09/2024 19:19

Ignore him and try going at other times. Most people stop going to the gym within a few weeks of going. He might give up if he's doing it to disturb you and you aren't there.

goingdownfighting · 10/09/2024 19:19

Tell him that your flattered that he copied you and hope he sticks to it. Tell him you go 4 times a week.

Also book yourself in with the fittest PT you can.

Meadowfinch · 10/09/2024 19:22

Is the gym the closest to his home or to his new woman's home? Or is he driving 20 minutes out of his way to attend this gym?

You just need to hold your head high and ignore him. Asking him to leave is unlikely to achieve anything.

roseymoira · 10/09/2024 19:25

Did you tell him you were joining THIS gym specifically?

MBM18 · 10/09/2024 19:28

Createausername1970 · 10/09/2024 19:08

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

He is probably playing silly head space games. Do not give him the pleasure of seeing you are unsettled.

Next time you see him just ignore him, or alternatively, wave at him.

Yes this! If he knew you were joining that specific gym he's obviously joined to get in your head.
Don't feed into him and hopefully he'll get bored and move on.

BlackbirdRobin · 10/09/2024 20:03

Definitely ignore! You really can’t let him know he’s got to you. In fact, enjoy with a little smile to yourself that he’s so flip floppy and flaky in his opinions, never mind him getting to you, you’ve clearly got to HIM if he really is just doing this to get a rise out of you! And if he is doing it just to get a rise out of you he’ll soon get bored and stop going if the gym isn’t really his thing and you don’t give him the reaction he wants.

powershowerforanhour · 10/09/2024 21:02

"Regardless of the fact I get it, you’d look a bit crazy asking him to leave. "
Yep he would 100% frame it as a "my crazy ex GF" story. Say nothing. I like the idea of listening to music as a PP suggests- it's so normal to wear headphones at the gym as it's a useful aid to ignoring him.
I bet if he was going with a male friend or on his own, he wouldn't have said so, he purposely told you he was going with <insert female name here>. How pathetic.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 10/09/2024 21:05

What a dick. He's done this deliberately to piss you off. Don't ask him to leave, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he's got to you. Just thank your lucky stars he's an ex now. And maybe think about how much he pisses you off when you're exercising. I always run faster when I'm angry about something!

powershowerforanhour · 10/09/2024 21:08

For the classes, do you think you could have a quiet word with the class instructor and get them to let you know if he signs up for the same slot so that you can silently cancel or move times to avoid having to be in the same class? I suppose they mightn't divulge that info in advance to you but it could be worth asking.