Ex has joined my gym! AIBU to ask him to leave??

[gymgymmer]

Hi all, am hoping for some pearls of wisdom please 🙏 What would you do??

So I recently spilt from my bf of 18 months. Before that I had told him I was going to join a gym and he made me feel like he didn’t want me to, saying it was a waste of money and gyms are crap etc etc. Once we spilt I joined straight away, I found it hard at first having the guts to go in and get started but I did and am now a month into a training plan which I’m loving. Imagine my surprise though when I saw him last week and he tells me he’s joined the same gym and has been going with a female friend of his (never met her). I now feel so uncomfortable every time I go, sick with worry that I’ll bump into him. It’s really taken the shine off it for me as I was loving it so much. I feel like asking him to move gym. I already know a few people that go there and have joined some classes and running club (which I also am worried he will join) plus I joined first so I really don’t want to be the one to move. Am I being unreasonable? Or should I just get on with it and try not to worry if I see him? It’s causing me some fairly major anxiety every day 😢. Thoughts most welcome please ladies xx

Just take pleasure from the fact that he's having to pay cold hard cash just to try and piss you off now instead of being able to do it for free.

what a fucking saddo.

Just ignore him and if he harasses you whilst you are working out tell the gym - if they are good they should have pretty robust policies on men bothering women.

If he can see it's getting you then he's winning.

"Just take pleasure from the fact that he's having to pay cold hard cash just to try and piss you off now instead of being able to do it for free.

what a fucking saddo."

This made me properly laugh 😃

You say he's with a female 'friend', perhaps he's simply moved on and is attending with her as its early days of a new relationship and he wants to impress her.

Does he interact with you or is it simply he's there?

Well he's desperate for your attention, isn't he? Including quite possibly inventing the "female friend" to make you jealous (or am I just cynical?)

You can't make him leave - if you ask he might comply, I suppose, if he is trying to impress you with how changed and reasonable he is now etc. But equally he might take it as a sign that at least you are thinking about him, and stick around even harder?

If you can, your best bet is to rise above it. Unless he starts being stalky/harassing/aggressive, in which case please go straight to the gym management (and potentially the police, depending on severity. Remember stalking is a crime).

It's annoying for you as you obviously don't want to see him. However, he is perfectly entitled to join any gym he likes

“Ex has joined my gym! AIBU to ask him to leave??”

Unless you own the gym then YABU he has as much right to be there as you. If you find it uncomfortable then you’re the one who has to remove yourself.

He is your EX. He shouldn't dictate anything you do.

Just get on with your life in the new gym.

Who cares if he's there - he ain't your problem anymore. He's as entitled to use that gym as you are. You have no right to ask him to leave. Are you going to tell him to stop using the Tesco you use as well?

I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Bloody mindedness would keep me at that gym for ever more.

He's joined because your there. He's trying to get your back up. Ignore him; he'll get bored and move on. Go at different times until then.

However if it is causing you you a lot of strife I'd just go another gym; as he's not going to and he will get the satisfaction of your interest and discomfort if you approach him. If your locked in to your contract; ask to speak to a manager privately and explain an ex boyfriend has followed you to become a member and you feel very uncomfortable 👍. Might allow you to break the contract 👍

I would just go to the people you know and say “ffs, my ex is so obsessed with me he’s joined the same gym. What a drip” then tinkly laugh and let your new mates rally around you.

Anyone can ask anyone anything doesn't mean they should, you don't own the gym

"Never thought you'd take my advice, thought you didn't like crappy gyms as its a waste of money. Good on you though, glad I changed your mind...you'll soon build your muscle tone, don't worry."
Something like this

I fully understand your anxiety I would hate this too, what a prick, he blatantly hasn't moved on and I'm guessing has mental health issues possibly with attachment? I would join a different gym, I know it's crap though :-( poor you, what a sad loser he is.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 10/09/2024 21:09

Just take pleasure from the fact that he's having to pay cold hard cash just to try and piss you off now instead of being able to do it for free.

Ah, great! That's the best answer yet!

I agree that he's hoping for a reaction, so your best move is to give an air of serenity, whilst paying the sad little loser no attention, if he's unfortunate enough to meet you there. He's so obviously hoping for a reaction, so blank him and burst his fragile ego and shrink his cock.

If you ask him to leave, or even speak with the gym to let you know if he'll be in the same class/group as you, he'll be tipped off that he's getting to you.
I'd be minded to get on with it and even though it's awful now, it'll get easier. And if he's really so against gyms, he'll maybe drop out quickly enough once he thinks he's not getting to you.
If, though, he starts trying to use the space to get on talking terms with you be mindful it's a ploy to get into your life again; and have clear boundaries around what contact you'd be prepared to have, or not.
Hope he gets bored quickly and moves on so you can too

Sodonewithgrey · Today 07:15
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I'd be minded to get on with it and even though it's awful now, it'll get easier.

Yes, I agree 100% Just style it out for a couple of weeks, if you end up passing the pathetic saddo there.

Ignore for now, if he joins your classes, speak to the instructor

don’t say anything to him, style it out and be completely unbothered if you bump into him.

deffo do the “my saddo ex has followed me here” tinkly laugh and tell those you know. It’ll put him on their “what a saddo” radar.

most new gym people don’t bother going after a couple of months, he should be gone by Christmas

Ignore him and carry on. He's done it to get a reaction from you. Don't give him the satisfaction. He probably wont stick at it anyway. Just do your thing and he'll soon see what he's missing. Go be fabulous!

It’s this one.

Assuming he’s not coming up harassing you, just pretend he’s dead.
I promise you will get to the point where you shudder that you ever went near him, and that his thoughts on any topic, including you are of zero relevance to your life.

You go girl ignore him keep going and get on with it dont worry about him get yourself fit then make him realise what he's missing he'll soon be jealous 🤣

Unfortunately as you’re the one with a problem with this you’d have to be the one to change gyms. He isn’t doing anything wrong.

Have you seen him a lot or just the once? If the latter he may be put off going again after seeing you there?

Just say ‘oh bless you, I thought you might turn up here eventually. Are you okay?’ Really really kindly with a concerned, caring expression on his face. Then say ‘I really worry about him, he’s not taking it too well. I mean obviously I still want him to be happy in his life, like a friend would, it’s just he keeps popping up’ to everyone else. Kindness kills!

I agree with everyone above, and will just add that most people stop going to the gym within a short time of joining. It does sound like he joined this gym (if he did) to get at you, but unless he is very motivated to go, frankly, he’ll probably stop going soon….but keeping paying the membership for years.

it’s hard enough to get to the gym when you are motivated to do so for health/fitness reasons, let alone if you are only motivated by revenge or spite!

Given that he knew you were joining, it sounds (in the absence of further context) that he’s done it deliberately. If he’s that bold, he’s not going to move because your ask him and instead will probably enjoy knowing he’s rattled you. Stay at your gym, enjoy the stuff you’ve joined, and try not to give him a thought

This, absolutely