Ex has joined my gym! AIBU to ask him to leave??

[gymgymmer]

Hi all, am hoping for some pearls of wisdom please 🙏 What would you do??

So I recently spilt from my bf of 18 months. Before that I had told him I was going to join a gym and he made me feel like he didn’t want me to, saying it was a waste of money and gyms are crap etc etc. Once we spilt I joined straight away, I found it hard at first having the guts to go in and get started but I did and am now a month into a training plan which I’m loving. Imagine my surprise though when I saw him last week and he tells me he’s joined the same gym and has been going with a female friend of his (never met her). I now feel so uncomfortable every time I go, sick with worry that I’ll bump into him. It’s really taken the shine off it for me as I was loving it so much. I feel like asking him to move gym. I already know a few people that go there and have joined some classes and running club (which I also am worried he will join) plus I joined first so I really don’t want to be the one to move. Am I being unreasonable? Or should I just get on with it and try not to worry if I see him? It’s causing me some fairly major anxiety every day 😢. Thoughts most welcome please ladies xx

He's done it to get at you in some way. Do not engage with him at all. I'd even consider switching gyms when my contracts ends.

Was he abusive or controlling in any way? Do you feel safe? If you don't feel safe then speak to police or even the gym itself. There was a horrid case in the UK a few years ago, a man stalked his ex and even went to gym when she was there to intimidate her he eventually attacked her fatally in a car park.

Interesting to read the replies.

I really want to join the gym but the only one I can join is the one my ex goes to.

I have put it off because I didn’t want him thinking I was following him and now I’m not sure what to do.

You can’t ask him to move gyms.
If it was me I would just put your head phones on and ignore him.

Please don’t ask him to leave, just smile and wave and get on with your workout.. likely hood he won’t last and stop going when he gets bored.

He’s gone to a lot of effort to get in your head op and upset you, paying for a gym membership and getting a female friend to go with him. You need to show him you do not care one bit, and he will probably stop bothering. But if he does keep going, it’s a good venue to have cameras and management as to be honest he is getting stalker like here.

If you want to get rid of him, I'd suggest that you start hitting on him and ask him for money, insinuating that you're broke. That should see him off pretty quick!

But personally I'd just ignore him.

Just get on with it. Lifes way too short to care about what he thinks and why he does what he does. If he is being a knob he will get bored eventually. Are you going to let these intrusive thoughts be your life? or are you going to shrug it off and coexist?

Get a grip. Just move on enjoy your life. You don't have to interact with him I think I would say in passing 'thought you said gyms were a waste of money and crap' lol

YABU.

He is free to join the same gym if he wants.

Just carry on as you were before and ignore him.

It would put me off. Him saying he's attending with a 'female friend'. Well, is he? If he's with someone I guess he's easier to ignore. But it could be he's wheeled out this 'female friend' and joined in the pathetic hope of making you jealous. I'd say ignore him fully other than a polite nod.
Unless he was abusive and you actually fear stalking etc, in which case approach the gym and ask if he can be excluded. And obviously the police if he's menacing you.
But if he's just working out at a gym that happens to be local to you both and you ignore eachother pretty much then hopefully it can be tolerable.

No, you can’t ask him.

Don't give him your power.

Act as though you couldn't care less!

oh and congratulations on all your new changes. Super positive!!! 💗

Just be prepared that if you see him with this other person, you’re ready to put a hand on his shoulder with a look of pity and say something condescending like “Oh I’m SO glad you’ve decided to work on yourself” or “Wow, that’s weird, you said you’d never set foot in a gym yet here you are, in the one I go to every day!!” . Remember how powerful you really are, girl ✌️💕

I mean you have only been going a month it's not like it's your long term gym how would he even have known you had joined as you didn't do so til you split?
You can ask but just like you he's free to join any gym he likes.

you aren’t - you are being very emotional, which is understandable! Ignore him, if he’s not into gyms like you say, it’s unlikely he’ll last long x

No you don't ask him., you quietly keep rocking at what you're doing, don't look his way, stay dignified. Asking him that indicates you're still bothered.

He'll probably stop going if he truly believes that they are a waste of money and he may well lack the motivation to keep going once he realises exercise is hard and that he hasn't succeeded in rattling you.

I'd just try and keep your head up and carry on living your life.

Gyms are for everyone. This isn't your gym. Ignore him or go at a time when you know you won't see him. Tbh, people at the gym are far too busy concentrating on their workouts to care who is around or what anyone else is doing.

I'd move to a different gym.

PorridgeEater · Today 00:07

I'd move to a different gym.

And then Knuckle Fucker will know that he's won and probably find out and join that one, too.

I wouldn’t ask him to leave as he knew what he was doing when he joined. Are you able to just stick some ear buds in and ignore him if you’re there at the same time? I’d hate this too OP, I can totally see why it’s tainted your enjoyment of that gym. If it all got too much over time I’d quietly join a different gym, not to let him ‘win’ but for my own mental well being.

Silence is much more powerful.

if he thinks gyms are a waste of time and money, hopefully he'll give up sooner rather than later. preferably after wasting lots of money on membership he can't be bothered to get the most out of

I agree with this

You are being unreasonable. Put on your best gym kit, and off you go. It’s about you, not him. Move on

It's pathetic on his part. He's literally joined just to get into your head if his previous attitude was the gym is a waste of time. Please don't ask him to leave, he will get satisfaction knowing he's got to you.

Whist it may be hard, hold your head up high and just ignore him. Put on headphones and just focus on your workout, don't acknowledge him. If he hasn't joined for genuine reasons, he will probably get bored of it soon anyway!