Female teacher calling dc beautiful

[Minty197]

Y1 class. Teacher is female and says bye beautiful to some of the girls at drop off when dc run to their parents. Would you see this as ok

Ah sorry fizzer I missed that part!

Yeah, but “lovely” is a much more neutral word which people often apply to children of both sexes. Whereas “beautiful” has a lot of connotations in our culture, especially if only applied to females - as is the case here.

I don't have an issue with " bye beautiful " as a farewell - I see the term as referring to the whole child not just the physical appearance.

But I do have an issue in this context if it's only being used to SOME of the girls. It smacks of favouritism and it's important teachers don't show favouritism. The girls who don't get this endearment will definitely notice and be affected.

And what about the boys? Do they get totally left out of her clique of favourites? Or do some of them also get special treatment?

So if a teacher does this to some of her charges I would question her professionalism and be very annoyed on behalf of those in the class who are being deliberately excluded from her favourites clique.

I'd prefer 'get out of here, you little shit'.

It would not really be appropriate if she said bye handsome or bye gorgeous to the boys would it.

What are you talking about? Have you even read the posts you're quoting?

Someone said that it was fine if it was said to both boys and girls.

I pointed out that OP said it's only being said to girls.

Sure you can extrapolate and say "well we can't possibly know that she's never said it to a boy ever" - sure, but we only know what is in the OP, and OP says that the teacher says this to girls, so that's what the replies are going to be based on.

I think it's lovely. I call my boy beautiful all the time.

If you are stood there every day, watching out for your DD to come out, then you notice what's said and who it's said to.

Well no, OP said herself 'I just wondered as a parent had mentioned it to me.' So it's literally just hearsay.

No it wouldn't be appropriate.

As I said in my post in the context of a teacher and pupils she shouldn't be using" bye beautiful " as a farewell at all because there is no way that it can be interpreted as anything other than favouritism for a particular group of the girls.

Well you can comment on any thread on mumsnet saying that there could be more to it than what is in the OP.

The idea of this website is that the OP posts something and people comment on what the OP has said.

OP has posted that a teacher is calling girls beautiful.

People are commenting on that.

If you have a random thought that she can't possibly know that boys aren't being called beautiful as well, or OP might be wrong about it, then you can ask OP that question.

In the meantime people will respond based on what is in the OP.

That is pretty much how some teachers talked to pupils in the 70s, alongside physical abuse!

It’s not good practice to use gendered language as there’s so much evidence it supports sexist stereotypes.

Yes, we can twist in the wind and say “beautiful” can refer to personality and to bits as well as girls. But these are little kids, they think “beautiful” means “looks lovely” and the OP says the teacher says it to girls.

It’s not single-handedly propping up the patriarchy to call little girls beautiful.

But since we can alter our behaviour in such a simple way to reduce reinforcing stereotypes, why wouldn’t we? Love, poppet, sausage, duck, pumpkin, etc are all affectionate terms that work for all children.

Speaking as a primary school teacher of that age group, using little terms of endearment at dismissal is pretty common. "Angel, darling, sweetie, gorgeous, beautiful, honey" are all used.
However, I do find it's if the teaching assistants are doing dismissal that it's more common. They have a slightly different relationship with the children than the teacher does.

What sort of world do we live in that a teacher can’t call a child beautiful without it having some kind of sinister meaning?

I think I’d be pleased that the teacher was fond of my child. I wouldn’t read anything else into it. I find this thread very sad.

It's not that it has a deliberate sinister meaning @Justsomethoughts

It's obviously an off-hand comment that the teacher has not really thought about.

The problem is adults not thinking about these things, about what you are saying to children and how they are hearing it.

A teacher calling some girls beautiful, but not boys, reinforces sexist values that girls should strive to be 'beautiful' but boys don't need to worry about it.

As a child, if you see your teacher calling other girls beautiful, or you are called beautiful, then you think that's a good thing for a girl to be, and you start caring more about your physical image/ wanting to be seen as beautiful.

It's not 'sinister', it's just subtle, unconscious sexism.

If people thought about what they are saying a bit more, we might not have such a problem with teenage girls hating the way they look, developing anorexia, social media bullying etc etc.

What about a male teacher calling 9/10 year old girls beautiful?

How do you feel about it if these words are used for girls but not boys?

Or are words like beautiful/ gorgeous used equally for both boys and girls?

All of those would be a bit weird said by a male primary teacher. It’s great for primary school teachers to have warm and close relationships with pupils, but lovey dovey gendered language isn’t appropriate in what is at the end of the day a professional setting. Champ, mate, guys, bud, … achieves the same effect but is less gendered/stereotyped and can be used by both sexes to both sexes. Or just a warm smile and use of name. They’re children, not pets.

That's not sexist beautiful can have many meanings that aren't based on looks or being male or female🙄

But she only says it to the girls…

Oh gosh, I do! I called my student a clown yesterday when they'd forgotten a book. I think it's in the way you say it? I use endearments all the time, like 'my lovely' (to primary age) I wouldn't call them anything appearance specific, though just because it feels a little intimate.

Equal between the genders I'd say! Especially for the little ones.

Thanks @anotherside and @raspberryfizzer - definitely food for thought.

My post was meant to say that I think it’s a real shame that this is how things are. I hear what you’re saying about unconscious sexism and you’re right that we should be thinking about this.

I call my DS ‘my beautiful boy’ all the time (and call DD beautiful girl too). So maybe the word beautiful is less gendered to me.

It’s just a shame that what was most likely meant as an innocent term of endearment can be taken to mean something different in todays world. Just my take.