To think my colleague is being creepy?

[notaurewhatusername]

I'm having trouble with a colleague. They keep doing things that feel too personal:

1. Always watching my calendar and asking about my meetings
2. Noticing where other managers are and how long they're away (for example commenting why one of the directors had been on their phone nearly an hour in the car park and was everything ok)
3. Asking where my car is when it's not in the car park and noticing what time of day I arrive frequently
4. Asking other staff why I went to the doctor because someone had mentioned I was in the office due to gp appointment

This behaviour makes me uncomfortable. It seems like they're not respecting personal space at work. They are someone I manage too, which I think makes it more out of line. I told someone I know outside of work and they said perhaps I'm being sensitive which is why I would like others opinions as I know how to deal with it but just want to make sure I'm not making something bigger than what it is.

Am I being unreasonable thinking this is creepy or do I need to relax?

but then did they know at the time why boss was not in the office etc

@Derwent01 I'm not an employee, it's my company

@Derwent01 which is why I have more issue with it to be honest

The whole way they act does sound rather annoying. If it's beyond professional need/ attempted friendship building then it does overstep a bit. It's difficult to know exactly what to do.
The one part that is bang out of order and could be a disciplinary is enquiring about the reason for your doctors appointment. Especially to another person. If it was friendly concern then surely they just say it to you 'oh, you were at the docs, hope you're alright now?' then if you felt comfortable you might briefly mention the reason. Even that is a bit intrusive if you're not mates and your their boss.

@BobbyBiscuits precisely. And what annoys me is that a couple of people I confided in that are aware of the dynamics said I was overreacting and it isn't a big deal (of course these were men!).

I think it IS a big deal, and not on.

Well there’s your answer. Doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. She’s your employee and you don’t think it’s on, so deal with it.

Oh you do get types who just love to pick up bits of information and create drama. Faux concern is the worst “oh is everything all right, I saw you had a long meeting with Simon”. Oh did you? Well spotted, now fuck off.

Once when I was not forthcoming with details, had a colleague like this complain to other colleagues that I didn’t like her and it made her so sad…

see i usually say to the nosy ones, im undercover with the security services or eg gchq etc

@notaurewhatusername your male colleagues sound dismissive. I hope you can try and curb her antics. I'm presuming in an ideal world she'll leave and suddenly decide on a brand new career as a private detective. She sounds more suited to that!

You say it's your company so what you do is really not anybody's business. I would have a chat with this person to find out why they are so over interested in your doings.

Sounds like hyper vigilance to me. Can be associated with a past trauma or anxiety. People can get misdiagnosed as neuro diverse.

@BobbyBiscuits they sometimes are dismissive and very laid back about things.

However, my background is corporate so I do think that changes how I see things and I often have a more professional outlook on wrongdoings as a result - which I think is a good thing.

Can you take your calendar/diary off the wall and keep it locked away so she can't access it? I appreciate not always easy as might be a work planner pinned to wall to show staff hols etc.... just an idea.

@Yerroblemom1923 the technology and business type doesn't make it possible unfortunately

what about using cover names or ghost appointments ?

Some people are just very observant and caring towars others. Probably just picks up on stuff without trying then wants to check everyone is OK.

@Derwent01 to an extent could work but is also limited due to how our booking system is designed. It could work for personal appointments although I already do the for personal. The go thing happened despite this as I'd come up in conversation and someone mentioned I was at the doctors,

Which the prompted them to "investigate" 🙄

You're their manager and you have a right to tell them to pack it in. They're being disrespectful to you. I can't believe your colleague said you were being sensitive. No manager needs to put up with nosy questions and gossip from someone who reports to them.

You're this person's supervisor, so you need to manage them. Do you have 1-2-1s, or occasional meetings where you talk about performance/targets etc? It's time to give some feedback that they are taking far too much interest in things that are none of their concern eg, car not being in the car park, manager being on their phone in car park. Let them know this behaviour is unprofessional and you expect them to concentrate more on their workload and targets, and less on what other people are doing.

In that case your male colleagues are totally undermining you by saying it isn't a big deal. Tell them it's unacceptable despite what they think. They wouldn't like being snooped on, questioned and gossiped about.
It sounds like there's an unhealthy level of disrespect for you in your own company.

@FictionalCharacter I also haven't added that another diary issue happened this week, the person in question asked me if I'm still going to make their 121 as I have something booked on directly after and therefore it doesn't look viable I could do both?!

I told them not to question if I can make both and the fact it's still in the diary means I can make it, and if I couldn't - I would cancel and let them know.

It's really getting a bit much.

Could they be up to something dodgy business wise OP? And hence wanting to know where you are all the time?

I've had a business too( still have) but no longer have employees but when I did I had someone up to no good and they were very jumpy when I was around-

@Crikeyalmighty I think I'm a good judge and really don't think it's that.

Of course, anything is possible but I highly doubt they're doing anything dodgy.

@notaurewhatusername it's certainly an odd one given that you are the owner. If you were not I would have said it was someone looking to undermine you and make you look 'lesser than' - but I can't get why they would do that in this situation

@Crikeyalmighty exactly.it's so baffling and really getting under my skin