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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to put an egg on his mash?

97 replies

Almostneverunreasonable · 09/09/2024 08:43

DH usually makes nice mashed potato. But this year, he has started adding mustard, a lot of it, to the mash. The two DCs and I don’t like mustard mash. His first response, when this was raised, was ‘tough, I do’.

I suggested that he served ours into a separate bowl, then added the mustard to his own.

Next time we had mash, no change, everyone was served the mustard mash.

I pointed out he was spoiling the food we had all been looking forward to. ‘But I like it’ was the response.

The next time ‘oh, I forgot you didn’t like it’.

He has form for being controlling and dictatorial. I think this is just another way of enforcing his will on the family, that we have to eat something we don’t like, because he says so.

He doesn’t like eggs. WIBU to break an egg on his mustard mash next time he serves it to us all? He might then remember that food you have been looking forward to being spoiled by the addition of an ingredient you don’t like is not a pleasant experience.

Alternatively I could insist on making the mash myself (which is not as creamy as his, he will complain) or hiding the mustard. But I think an egg on his mash would have more memorable impact.

OP posts:
Berga · 09/09/2024 08:44

You would be unreasonable not to leave, never mind the egg and mash.

But I think you know this.

It's emotional abuse.

TheSandgroper · 09/09/2024 08:49

Upsetting his wife and children is putting him in his happy place and he can do it at will.

He is not a nice man. He is not a good father. By bringing your children into this world, you promised them that they would be treated with respect and be assisted in their personal growth. What have your children done to their father that he would happily break his and your implied promise to them?

And the promise made by your husband to treat you with care and respect. What has happened to that?

Arlobaby · 09/09/2024 08:55

He sounds like a dream. I'd just make the mash myself and let him make his own. He isn't going to change, he sounds horrible.

Spenditlikebeckham · 09/09/2024 09:01

Egg? I'd be shitting on his pillow.. Ltb. And don't look back.

SauvignonBlonk · 09/09/2024 09:01

This is really upsetting to read OP. What a horrible way for a man to treat his family.
Selfish beyond measure.

JC03745 · 09/09/2024 09:04

Even better if he gets salmonella from the raw egg! 😂

Meadowwild · 09/09/2024 09:04

I'd scramble an egg on top of every single meal until he got the message.

I'd also cook a big batch of mashed potato and put it in the freezer in small pots. When he makes mash, get up, put some of your mash in the microwave and scrape his straight into the bin for you and DC. No drama, just take control.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 09/09/2024 09:06

Why limit it to mash?

Egg on cereal, egg on chocolate cake, you could have fun.

Alternatively just reconsider your relationship because it doesn't sound like he is fulfilling his vow to love and cherish you.

ThePrologue · 09/09/2024 09:07

Amazing what people will tolerate

Shoxfordian · 09/09/2024 09:08

Why are you staying with him and subjecting your kids to this nastiness?

Wineandcupcakes · 09/09/2024 09:08

Honestly how petty are you both. Just make your own mash for you and the kids. You don’t need to eat what he serves.

HelenWheels · 09/09/2024 09:09

hide the mustard
otherwise make your own mash, he is not very nice

EveryKneeShallBow · 09/09/2024 09:10

This isn’t about mash, is it? This is about you sharing your home where you should be comfortable and safe with an abuser. And forcing your children to do the same. You only need read one page of mumsnet threads to see that children who’ve grown up with such abusers can develop long term problems with their relationships, mental health and emotional distress. I wouldn’t allow that to happen to my children.

PollyOrange · 09/09/2024 09:25

I think only you know if this is controlling and abuse or more selfish thoughtless - both bad but one is easier to nip in the bud than the other. Some men are conditioned that their needs usurp those of women and children. My FIL for example doesn't like sauce or gravy so my mil eats a bone dry shepherds pie and has for 50 years and regularly eats meals she doesn't like because he does. To a degree , my DH also dictates what we eat eg when I order my hello fresh box but I've started arguing back and if I'm cooking then he has to eat what I make unless it's an absolute hatred and integral to the recipe in which case I won't pick it or will make him something g else. My current battle is that he keeps doing too much washing in the washer so it doesn't smell nice and dumping it on the floor, wet. It's wearing to have to keep asking him not to. Or I rewash it myself. So you have my sympathy and it's not that easy to "just leave" and break up a home for things like this

diddl · 09/09/2024 09:25

I'd be too terrified of his reaction to do that!

Until you leave can you not just make separate mash for you & the kids or make sure you take yours out before he adds the mustard?

I'd rather eat instant mash than mash with mustard!

Atishooo · 09/09/2024 09:26

You can break an egg into mash instead of using butter, think it’s a slimming thing. It does work. Sorry, that’s no help…

He sounds like an arse.

BMW6 · 09/09/2024 09:30

He's a thoroughly nasty bastard.

Why are you still with him?

GalileoHumpkins · 09/09/2024 09:33

What would happen if you just didn't it eat? Do you fear his reaction?
You need to stop focusing on petty tit for tat and leave.

diddl · 09/09/2024 09:39

You need to stop focusing on petty tit for tat and leave.

I think that sums it up.

One adult treating others like shit is surely bad enough without the other joining in?

offyoujollywelltrot · 09/09/2024 09:39

Christ.

You need be thinking about leaving, not eggs.

BellesAndGraces · 09/09/2024 09:45

I'd also cook a big batch of mashed potato and put it in the freezer in small pots. When he makes mash, get up, put some of your mash in the microwave and scrape his straight into the bin for you and DC. No drama, just take control.

This is sensible advice as mash freezes well and can be frozen in portions.

The other good advice is to LTB but you I’m guessing you already know that.

Tworedgeraniums · 09/09/2024 09:52

Personally I’d throw the mustard, bung on an egg,
and get my ducks in a row (actually might be prudent to do the ducks first).

💐hope he sees sense, would they actually write divorced over mustard on the paper work.

Skyrainlight · 09/09/2024 10:10

He sounds selfish and awful. It's not difficult to separate out a bowl and just add mustard to his. I always wonder why people marry men like this.

Anotherparkingthread · 09/09/2024 10:14

Throw the fucking mustard away. Get your ducks in a row. When he inevitably realises the mustard is gone as he next attempts ruining some potatoes, let him have the massive wobbly you know is coming. Then announce your plans to leave him calmly over dinner, as you sit and eat your perfectly unmastardy potatoes.