WIBU to put an egg on his mash?

[Almostneverunreasonable]

DH usually makes nice mashed potato. But this year, he has started adding mustard, a lot of it, to the mash. The two DCs and I don’t like mustard mash. His first response, when this was raised, was ‘tough, I do’.

I suggested that he served ours into a separate bowl, then added the mustard to his own.

Next time we had mash, no change, everyone was served the mustard mash.

I pointed out he was spoiling the food we had all been looking forward to. ‘But I like it’ was the response.

The next time ‘oh, I forgot you didn’t like it’.

He has form for being controlling and dictatorial. I think this is just another way of enforcing his will on the family, that we have to eat something we don’t like, because he says so.

He doesn’t like eggs. WIBU to break an egg on his mustard mash next time he serves it to us all? He might then remember that food you have been looking forward to being spoiled by the addition of an ingredient you don’t like is not a pleasant experience.

Alternatively I could insist on making the mash myself (which is not as creamy as his, he will complain) or hiding the mustard. But I think an egg on his mash would have more memorable impact.

Because OP then gets two jobs, cooking what she is supposed to cook and then also cooking more mash, because he’s too selfish to just put aside some mash in a separate bowl.

It’s hardly onerous to make a plate of mash, she can even buy it ready made, it’s not worth the fight or sitting eating food you dislike. She needs to pick her battles. Putting an egg on is ludicrous, what a message to send the kids watching her parents acting like over grown teens. She needs to take control. And then deal with the fact he’s an arsehole

Where's the appointment letter that makes him the boss? Because you know as well as I do that he isn't actually in charge, whatever he thinks.

There's no point trying to show him or teach him, he knows exactly^^ what he's doing and he's happier to exert his will than to make sure the whole family get food they can all eat.

You say he has form for being controlling. There is one thing you can control and that's whether you stay with him or not.

Leave him to enjoy all the mustard mash he wants. Vote with your feet and a letter from your divorce lawyer.

Why are you with this bastard

I find making mash onerous. Boiling potatoes then mashing them to the right consistency.

I’m fine with not having mash often, but it would really annoy me to see someone ostensibly cooking for the family but really selfishly just cooking for himself.

Do you think he should be allowed to help himself to OP’s cooking?

This is horrible behaviour. Mustard is so easy to avoid, it's not like you are saying you hate something that is in a lot of food. And as you say, just serve yours and then add it to his.

Duck eggs in a row, I reckon. He sounds awful.

What a controlling git!
Leave him and take your masher with you

It's annoying how many people start threads they don't have the time or inclination to participate in

🤣🤣🤣

Nailed it. What an arse of a man. I can think of somewhere you could shove his mustard.

This sounds awful.
Is this the relationship you want to model for your children?

Please reach out for some help 💐

You’re really over thinking it. And she can buy ready made mash, I’m sorry you find it onerous, so onerous you can’t have mash often,

This is the standard response when it comes to women’s labour and effort, that we overthink it. We should just not worry our pretty little heads and just make extra mash right?

You’ve avoided saying it so I assume you think he should be allowed to eat OP’s food whilst simultaneously refusing to put aside some mash without mustard for her and the kids.

Only on MN.

Because she's already suggested that, and he refuses to do it.

And the only real explanation for his refusal (given how simple it would be to do that) is that he is a controlling bastard who enjoys upsetting his wife and children.

Oh god, this is another one of those awful threads where the OP posts in an almost lighthearted way about some scenario that reveals such a dark picture of their family life.

OP, the mustard is really not your main problem here.

Yet another abuser, then. Just leave?

He’s a cunt. LTB.

Absolutely this! Oh hell yes!!

And yes to PP who mentioned the “care and respect” aspect.

I am shaking my head at this, truly… what a deeply unpleasant man he is!
He is either deliberately spoiling your food for the hell of it, or just doesn’t give a shite about your food. Either way, it is abuse, and I wouldn’t be standing for it. It harks back to the horrible ”forcing children to clear their plates, no matter what”
of years gone by. Was his father like this?

I mention this, as I briefly lived with my Aunty (lovely kind lady) and Uncle (bullying brutal bastard) when I was around 7, and he used to force me to clear my plate. Sadly for him, I reminded him what he’d forced down me for breakfast during a car ride in his brand new Ford Cortina. He got to study it closely as he cleaned it all up… I was always car sick and tried to tell him - but he chose to tell me to shut up and eat what was on my plate - so I did.😇

If not for yourself, stand up to him for your DC. Show them that you are all worth so much more.

Life is too short to live like this 💐

Thanks for your responses all. And yes, it’s not really about the mash is it. And rather than LTB, I may show him this thread. I had my eyes opened to his behaviour on another mumsnet thread a while back (name changed) and showed him it. It actually did shake him how his behaviour was perceived as abusive. Will he change completely, I don’t know, is he open to seeing what he has done as wrong, yes.

I don't think you should show him the thread tbh.

If he hasn't grasped by now that you and the DC are independent people who are allowed their own opinions and choices, the thoughts of a few internet randoms aren't going to change that.

And you may need this site for support in future without him knowing.

And there speaks someone who has never had to live with/deal with a controlling, abusive prick.

Sums it up nicely

Don't show him this thread. He won't change. If you want to make a positive change in the ife of you and your children you need to do it yourself.