To ask what you think when you see a young, fat person?

[AugustSlippedAwayIntoAMoment]

I'm very, very aware that this thread will probably get some nasty responses.

But I'm young (26), overweight and short. I try to dress nicely and I'm actively losing weight, but I'm just curious. What do you actually think when you see a fat person? I've never given it much thought before now as I've been fat my entire life, but what do you really think? Am I walking round oblivious to the fact I'm being judged all the time or do people just not care?

Because these things absolutely do happen, but they're also far more rare. 30 years ago the population was not as obese as it is now. There was one or two fat kids in my whole school.

We haven't suddenly been inflicted with a load of medical issues that never existed before. People, for the most part, just eat too much of the wrong thing and don't exercise enough. Then they have medical issues.

I met a young girl four years ago and she’s put on so much weight in that time. I feel so sorry for her. I don’t think she realises how hard it will be to lose the weight/ change her lifestyle. Harder as time goes on. it’s already restricting her mobility. It makes me really sad, but I just know that anything I say will ruin our relationship.

What I also think it is counter productive is very thin people claiming that eat all and sundry as it is just a fabrication 9/10 that doesn't help overweight people, many very thin people approaching middle age don't eat much especially if women. I think it is a control thing, it is waiting to feel a bit superior suggesting it is effortless but it isn't and actually would be kinder to say to someone overweight that honestly I don't eat that much!

I was born at the tail end of the post-WW2 boomer generation, and women on my father's side of the family have always had to fight a slow metabolism, so I'm very sympathetic to you. As I'm older and have seen a few generations grow up, what I notice about people - especially young women - in their teens and twenties, is how common being overweight is. Very different from decades past. My automatic response is feeling angry that the food industry combined with long working hours, has meant that they've been brought up on mass-produced ready-meals, with ingredients never seen in a normal kitchen, and their metabolisms are damaged as a result. It doesn't make sense that your generation tend naturally to being overweight, when that's never happened before.

What depresses me as much as anything else is how angry and bitter people are when talking about weight.

And also how strangely proactive people are at displaying everything in their clothing choices, while also telling everyone they're unhappy about their weight.

If you are well, if you don't have some kind of medication which is causing weight gain, it is physically possible in 2024 to make food and health choices that allow you to be slim in your 40s.

I have however been absolutely pilloried by people for who I am, to the point where I just think I wish I was this age, but in 1970 or 1980 where at least no one would even think of me as a 'skinny minnie' or the other ridiculous terms.

My point?

My point is that we have a national problem with talking about, and thinking about this issue. Until we get over the psychology of it, it will be ever thus.

@Goldenbear
Yes to some degree, however many slim people do eat a lot, they also exercise to compensate for a big appetite or enjoying their food.

I don’t believe it either. Nor do I believe for one minute ‘I worry about their health’ why would you actually worry about some stranger’s health as they passed you in the street? It’s the same as someone asks on here ‘I’m a size 24, would you wear a bikini if you were me?’ ‘Of course! If I saw you on the beach I’d probably think ‘I love that bikini!’ Honestly, they just wouldn’t!

I eat 3 meals a day. They're healthy and home cooked, and I rarely snack. I very rarely drink alcohol. I don't drink fizzy drinks. I do yoga and cycling 5 or 6 days a week, and I'm generally active as both a result of having young children and wanting to keep up with them as they grow.

I'm thin and fit. I could quite easily eat a pile of toast slathered in butter at 4pm every day, because that's my favourite food. But I don't because it's not healthy and I'd prefer to stay in shape. I'm certainly not pretending that I don't work to be healthy, because I do. As do the other thin and fit people in my life.

I absolutely agree with this. When people say that they eat whatever they want and don't put on weight...I always think, doesn't that depend on what you want? But yes, a lot of people interpret that statement as meaning they can eat endlessly and never put on weight. The number of people who genuinely can't put on weight whatever they eat is vanishingly small. For me, the only time my BMI was in the normal range and top end of normal so still not particularly thin, was when I barely ate, one meal a day. I dread to think how little I'd have to eat to be thin rather than just slim

Why are you explaining that to me, I know what slim feels like, I have only been slightly overweight for last three years in early 40s. I know loads of people, lots of women who are thin and very thin and none of them naturally do two I know have eating disorders. I'm not suggesting slim people can't eat a lot but this tends to be younger people that compensate in some ways I e exercise or tens of thousands of steps a day. Older people just don't eat very much and that's especially true of very thin not just medium.

When they say 'I eat what I want' they also fail to say 'but I exercise and balance my intake'
Because fat people don't like to hear that it's a simple energy equation, they want another reason.

I worry about people who drink too much, yes. So I’m unlikely to think that about someone I see enjoying a drink in a pub because I have no idea how much they actually drink. But if I know someone is drinking frequently or excessively, then yes, of course I think ‘that’s going to ruin your health’. I also judge people who use sunbeds and I also think people shouldn’t sunbathe. I lost a parent to melanoma so I know how dangerous sun exposure can be- I’d hate anyone else to have to lose a loved one to melanoma because it is an extremely vicious cancer. I also worry for the health of people who eat excessive amounts of UPF, drink energy drinks and don’t do any exercise.

When I say ‘worry’, I’m obviously not losing sleep about strangers’ health, just that I see people doing these things and think ‘Oof, that’s really bad for you.. I wonder if you don’t know or just don’t care’. And then I just get on with my day 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm not saying that most obesity nowadays is caused by Medical issues but people's reactions are very interesting. As an example, as a child I became very fat after the death of my mother. It was pretty obvious I was using food as a comfort. The adults around me were absolutely vile about it...so many cruel comments. If my mother had died and my response to that trauma was to stop eating, their response would have been quite different I'm sure

I think it's cruel of the adults around you to have behaved like that following the loss of your mother.

However, you also have no idea how those close to anorexics or alcoholics behave when they turn to starvation or booze after a trauma. I can assure you that they're not all simpering around after them, no matter what you might believe.

Usually I don't notice and don't think anything about it. On the rare occasion I do, perhaps if they are really struggling, I feel sorry for them. I have struggled with weight issues.all my life.

Yes but I'm referring to people who are genuinely 'naturally thin', that is only 1% of UK population with those genes. The documentary I watched was exploring the scientific novelty aspect of these people and actually more of them were men presumably as more muscle than fat on them. Naturally thin is nothing do with exercising and balancing their intake. Besides over 40 it is either excessive exercise or prohibited food, Thai is the reality for 9/10 of us and ok it is disingenuous to suggest otherwise and it doesn't help the people who are overweight to pretend otherwise.

Maybe some people prefer exercising their brain and are not as worried about spending all their spare time exercising, maybe they prefer to read a book or got to a gallery!

You can exercise and read books and go to galleries. 😂 In fact, I do quite regularly! Your argument is so bizarre.

The thing is, feeling like your body so beautiful and valid AS IT IS makes you want to take care of it - feed it healthy delicious food, move it in ways that make you feel good, dress it well. It’s incredibly liberating to love your body, whatever size you are. And that means treating it with care - not starving it OR binging, just eating enjoyable food that does you good.

In answer to your question, I don’t think anything when I see a fat person. I might think ‘i like that shirt’ or ‘they look exhausted’ or ‘they’re gorgeous’ or ‘what a cute couple’ (if they’re with their other half), like i would with anyone of any size or shape.

Not if you're spending your time obsessing over your weight and exercising and to be overly concerned by this is a pretty vacuous pursuit so highly unlikely to be interested in activities that are not concerned with how you look!

I think it's generally seen as much more socially acceptable to say 'oh I eat loads and don't put on weight ' than it is to say 'yes, I'm really careful about what I eat and have to exercise daily to remain slim'

I personally think it is more than that the people I know who say this are hiding eating disorders and it makes them feel a bit better about their control.

@AugustSlippedAwayIntoAMoment
Excellent username 🫶🏾

I don’t think I clock whether a young person or an older person is overweight. I am 48 and overweight but I am losing weight. Possibly at the start of losing weight, I might have qualified for one of those medications but I don’t know because I didn’t really consider it. I replied to one thread on here but that was the most thought I gave it. I wouldn’t have heard of it if it wasn’t for MN.

However, in this day and age, I’m not sure what overweight means. I might notice if somebody was really overweight?. I’m also short so didn’t need to be carrying that much extra in order to have a high BMI. Would I notice if somebody was short and a size 22…I would notice if I was spending any amount of time with them, yeah. But I don’t think I think about it at all.

I haven’t always been overweight. I do find it noticeable that people are bigger than they were in say the last five years. But when I was thin, I didn’t think about it either. I am often taken aback at how much people notice about other people’s personal appearance. I have noticed that I’m probably average size on a night out now.

I always remember turning up at a bar one day and my friend’s friend said to me “oh your eyebrows are very tidy today. Have you put gel on them?”

It made me wonder what my eyebrows look like normally! 😂

What do you count as obsessing over weight?!

Because I exercise roughly an hour and a half a day, which I wake at 5.30am to do. Then the rest of the day I can go and be as cultural as I like! I work in publishing, and reading (and writing) is actually my favoured pursuit, and always has been.

You're being a bit daft.