“The lady will tell you off”

[notedbiscuits]

When I am in shops, I often see kids mucking around and a parent says something like “please stop that or you get told off by the lady “ (staff member)

Why do parents say this? It should be themselves who tell off their children not shop staff.

Because it can be a quick and easy way to stop the behaviour, which may not be perfect parenting but is very tempting!

Your mum telling you no a hundred times is just background noise, being told off by a stranger is much more impactful.

It can also be more impactful to use an outside rule rather than just mum saying no, ie that's the rules of the cafe so we don't have a choice.

Sometimes it's just the quickest and easiest way to get your kids to tow the line. I assume you don't have children?

exactly this.

YABVVVVU

Just say, “No, I don’t parent other people’s children.”

FFS they’re not actually asking the other person to parent their children. Sometimes you need something to snap them out of the behaviour and reminding them that there are other people around can help. It’s a consequence. So if mine was about to break something in a shop it would be ‘you’ll have to pay for it’ or ‘the shopkeeper will tell you off’ - not lying is it??

Breaks the pattern of mum or dad telling them off and brings in accountability to an outside figure who may be stricter or represent unknown consequences or just make them stop and think for a second. I haven't got kids but I remember it working for minor faffing about when little!

Because so many parents don’t want to
patent, the don’t want to be the bad guy.

Parent

I get this a lot in my job.

It doesn't really bother me as most parents only say it when they're at their wits' end.

I normally just look at the child, smile and say firmly "That's right, you mustn't do that in here because XYZ" and that usually puts an end to it.

Cause sometimes it's what you need to say to get the little buggers to behave.

Doubt they're doing it all day, my parents certainly weren't. Just on occasion to momentarily stop whatever was happening in a public place (going to touch goods for sale etc). I don't think they ever expected anyone else to step in, it was just to get a quick result and I suppose make clear who else might be impacted

Which would make you look very silly considering telling a child off is completely different to parenting them.

I expect they'd walk away confused as to why you don't know this.

I think it's fine. The space 'belongs' to the lady so she is the one in charge of how it works, hence the child needs to respect her rules. It's a way of the parent saying you must behave in this was here because of that. Having been 'the lady' I've never taken it as a request to parent someone's child.
It's also an acknowledgement from the parent that they are dealing with the kid.

This.

And also it tells the child that what they are doing is actually against the shop 'rules' rather than just something their mum/dad would prefer they didn't do. Which is also more impactful.

All of this. And often it's more effective as others have said. Parents who say this aren't actually expecting "the lady" to parent their kids 😂

It shows how their behaviour affects others outside their bubble. It’s not theirs, so of course if they broke an item (or generally caused a scene in someone’s place of work) they should expect the person’s who’s it is to be upset and tell them off.

This is how the world works, they can’t expect just to be answerable to mummy and daddy all their lives.

When I worked in a cafe and got this, I’d just go ‘ah, no I won’t :)’ and got glared at by every parent who tried it 😇 it’s such a fucking cop out. Same as saying ‘Santa won’t come’ etc…. He definitely will still anyway as you’re not gonna do that to your kid, so it’s pointless.

Young children like to test their parents and push boundaries. They know from an early age that mum or dad might give in to their stroppy demands because they are embarrassed and don't like the attention that a screaming or badly behaved child gets.

I remember my daughter having a tantrum and the look of glee as I tried to calm her down whilst we were in a department store.

Father Christmas was in the store and you could sit on his knee for a photo and a gift .

When I pointed out out that he was watching her and she had better be quiet or he will come and tell her off, her eyes widened in horror and her mouth clamped shut.

I carried it on as we walked around the store with her as quiet as a mouse, by pointing out the security cameras overhead and telling her the elves were watching and would tell Father Christmas if she started any more monkey business! 😂

When I worked in a public facing role and the child wasn’t doing anything to affect anyone else in the public space I used to smile at them and say “No, I won’t” like their parent was being silly. Which they were. Silly and lazy.
If they were doing something dangerous, irritating to other service users or disruptive I’d have already stepped in and asked their parent to stop them doing whatever they were doing.

Best one was a man across the road whose small dc was playing up and he said “Stop it, or that doggy will BITE you!”. Wtf? My dog wasn’t some Tantrum Enforcer, the thick twat. He got told not to say stupid things about my dog.

I have never said this to my kids, I think it's a weird thing to do, particularly when the employee is right there and would definitely not tell of your children. There's something lazy in it.

I do this. I'm not ashamed of it. I parent just fine thanks. It's works soooooooooooo

Because kids like to push their parents and will often continue to do things when they are told to stop.

Saying 'that lady will tell you off' or 'that lady won't be very happy if you keep...' is much more effective.

Eugh. I hate it when parents say this, and I say that as a parent to two boys, so I have been in a position when they’ve misbehaved in shops.

I usually just tell the child that I won’t tell them off.
Don’t make me the bad guy!

Why would the employee 'definitely not tell off your children'??

There are a million and one reasons why they rightfully would.