“The lady will tell you off”

[notedbiscuits]

When I am in shops, I often see kids mucking around and a parent says something like “please stop that or you get told off by the lady “ (staff member)

Why do parents say this? It should be themselves who tell off their children not shop staff.

Could be worse. I was outside DD's dancing class the other day waiting for her to come out and one of the mums said to her 3yo or something daughter who had been wandering a bit far away 'Stay close or a nasty man will snatch you, do you want that?' 😱 A poor dad nearby shuffled away a bit!

I have said this but not that a staff member would tell them off. It’s more you will be asked to leave x place as they wont tolerate x behaviour here. Which is true for adults and children. Im never expecting people to tell my kids off but I would expect a shop to enforce rules to all humans regardless of age.

Amazed by how many parents will openly admit: "It works for me to cast you in the role of 'bad guy' without your consent, so I do it."

It's essentially saying: "You should be scared of that lady – she'll be nasty to you", which is horrible to be on the receiving end of, whether it's making your life easier as a parent or not.

It's not my job to make your life easier in any other part of your parenting – how come you get to turn me into a threat just because I work in a shop?

how come you get to turn me into a threat just because I work in a shop?

I work in a museum and as I don't have a burning desire for all stranger's kids to love me, I don't care as long as the child stops misbehaving.

If I can help the parent out I'm more than happy to.

Plus we need to lose this ridiculous idea that kids even think someone is 'bad' just for enforcing rules.

Otherwise that makes every teacher they've ever met, the 'bad guy'.

@MuseumAssistant - it's not "the lady will enforce the rules" though, is it?

It's not "the lady will have to ask us to leave", or "the lady will be unhappy we broke their things"

It's "the lady will tell you off". Not the same thing.

I don't have a burning desire for all strangers' kids to love me either –congratulations to both of us for that common ground.

But I would rather people (children or otherwise) make their own minds up about whether they like me or not, based on my actual behaviour – not what parents make up about me without my say-so.

@doyoulikemyyams you have the power to ask anyone to leave. You have the power to refuse to serve someone. You have non negotiable rules. That doesn't make you a bad guy. It means that the person who the children are with can use the shop rules and that involves mentioning you, the enforcer of rules in that setting.

I'm a parent and work in a customer facing job.

My set response is, no that's your mammys job.

I do enough parenting at home, I don't need to do it at work

Meh, it's all semantics.

Tell a kid to stop doing something and some will feel 'told off' and some won't.

Pretty sure it doesn't matter to them as much as it does to you.

By the time they've left the shop, they'll be thinking of something else.

I've had this before when at work, especially if I've popped into a shop in uniform (I'm a paramedic)
"Stop it or that paramedic will tell you off" or worse "stop it or that paramedic will think you need an injection"

Don't do that. Don't make kids afraid of me. One day they might need me.

By the same token, if its a shop worker or museum guide, or a police officer (heard that one a lot too) a child might be lost or in trouble and be too afraid to ask for help. Don't do it. Parent your own children.

It’s lazy parenting.

Yes, I hear that sort of thing all the time and all I can think is that they're taking authority away from themselves, as if they don't have the final say over the child's behaviour and dishing out consequences for being naughty. A bit like when people threaten their dc with Santa or whatever.

@doyoulikemyyams - it isn't something I've ever done as my DC is way too young for that. But I've seen it happen, and it works okay.

I'm sure you're the worlds greatest parent in every aspect 🙄

But if these parents say "don't ride your scooter otherwise the shop working lady will tell you off" and the shop working lady asks the child not to ride their scooter inside the shop, what are the chances that the parents will say "don't you EVER talk to my child like that"

I work in a supermarket and get asked to do this all the time. I never do. Why parents are afraid to discipline their own children is a mystery to me.

@StampOnTheGround it's pretty telling that you think me not liking something = me thinking I'm the world's best parent in every aspect.

And I'm clear that it works – that's not the bit that's being debated here.

Perhaps if that's the level of logic you're operating at, the point that I'm trying to make is a bit beyond you...

I don't think it does matter to them. It does matter to me. I don't like it. That's my entire point 😂

You are one of life's gooduns. Thank you for your service!!

Mind you I'm more likely to word it in a 'we don't flail our arms around inside, especially in museums because there are loads of precious things which could get broken. It this lady's job to keep the things safe! So let's keep our hands to ourselves' or something

Sometimes me pointing out that a 3rd party is watching is enough to stop the behaviour. No input or threats of being told off required!

Because sometimes we're just desperate 🫠

It's often factually correct. If you're messing around in a shop a staff member could well come and tell you to leave.

But also it's a way of letting kids know that you're now enforcing a socially accepted rule about how to behave in this place.

I work in a supermarket and I hear this a lot. Usually from mums at the end of their tether to a child that isn't listening. I normally give my best 'Paddington Hard Stare' to the child, which pulls them up short, then I wink. At which point they beam at me - but they've stopped doing whatever their mum was desperate to stop them doing, and they quite often start behaving much better because they know I'm watching. But they aren't afraid of me.

I have children and have never and would never say anything like that, why would I need to sub contract my discipline?

Again, you're one of my fave people ... Both as a kid and a mum. Nailed it!

Thanks for being a kind heated soul.

My daughter worked as a lifeguard and apparently parents did this to her a lot. Her main objection was to being referred to as a “lady” because she’s still a teenager so it sounded weird to her!

Because they obviously don’t care about their parents telling them off but a strange shop lady is always scary.