To think children need to do more housework

[Pickledhen]

OK so hands up I'm single and childless so prepared to been pilloried for even asking this.

I see so many women doing so much, working full time , childcare, housework at home and honestly don't know if I would be sane if I had to do it full time. Oftentimes husbands partners boyfriends aren't necessarily pulling their weight or are absentee, but concede they may not able to contribute to child and home care due to their own work commitments.

In saying all this, I see some parents doing absolutely everything for their children irregardless of their age. Many of my peers had to do chores before they were able to go out to play...make their own beds, clean their bedrooms, put washing in basket and do the dishes after meals...( yes I'm that old ...before dishwashers) ...so my question is this , do you do this or not? ...if so what age did you start getting your children on board with helping out at home? has it helped you coming into their later years? ...or.... if not why not o? is it unreasonable in modern society where commutes to/from school may be longer or some other reason that makes it more difficult to do this now.

Really I'm just curious rather than being judgemental whether it happens or not.

Lots of questions so probably not a straightforward AIBU

AINBU to expect children to do more housework
AIBU to expect children to not do housework

I don't think we're unusual in both working full time with kids in wrap around care during the week. That lasts til 6pm and then it's a mad dash to get the kids fed and into bed so we adults have some alone time before it all starts again. There isn't really time in the week for the kids to get involved in any housework!

DD is six but does help a little around the house (makes her bed, puts her laundry away, helps to empty the dishwasher) but honestly there isn't that much time for her to do chores and I'd rather she had a bit of a rest in the evening.

I just answered some questions on this on a MN survey. Mine are 8 and 6. They only have to do general tidying now and only when directed.

I think we'll start getting them doing regular tasks in 3-4 years. They can chill out till then.

But I have what I consider an equal split with DH. If he wasn't doing his bit and it was all on me I might feel differently. I do nearly all the cleaning and laundry tasks but he does nearly all the food stuff including meal planning and shopping. The bits that make me want to weep really so it works.

Yes there seems to be a view from some on here that it's cruel to make children and teens do anything as it's "not letting them enjoy their childhood".
Then it's surprised pikachu face when they're useless adults.

My siblings and I all had chores allocated to us from age 10. Daily and weekly generally.

Every day we all had to do washing up, drying and putting away.

We had to help each other make the beds and tidy our rooms (but Mum hoovered them)

My weekly job (on a Sunday) was polishing all the brass (including widow latches). Another sibling was tasked with cleaning the oven and hobs after Sunday dinner, another cutting the grass (in summer.)

This was back in the 60's and 70's though, and i suspect someone will come on here and cry "slave labour/ child abuse" 🙄

I look back and think it was a really good ethic.

I think the problem is at first it's more effort for you to make them do it...they invariably don't do a good job at first and you spend so long nagging, you think sod it, I'll just do it myself.

There's a time-poor element to consider.

Teaching your child the how to takes time, just as teaching them to cook and bake takes time.

When you're at the coalface of life with children and work, it's quite possible to be easier and quicker to do it yourself.

My son is 1 and a bit. He "helps" mummy clean (uses wipes to clean the floor, he must have seen me doing it the last year and started copying haha) and "helps" me fold the washing (by throwing it all over the place). I will be teaching him to do household things throughout his childhood as its for him and his development into a well rounded adult, so he needs to learn it. He has his own Henry hoover cleaning caddy with brush, mop, hoover, bucket and cleaning Spray toys. He loves helping mummy haha

I agree with you. I had a mum that did everything for me growing up, it didn’t help me in the long run because I left home not knowing how to do anything. I do think it’s important to teach children how to do basic housework as long as they’re not doing too much and still have time to be children.

I too was raised having to do chores before being allowed out. Tbh I hated it and swore I'd never inflict such horridness on my own children 😂 my friends parents were worse, half the time I'd end up helping them. Some would spend the weekends cleaning and not come out.

When I had my children I included them in everything so that they knew how things work, when they reached late teens all that information fell out of their heads . I did ensure they went out and had friends as I think that's more important, I'm here Monday to Friday so get most shit done so it frees up weekends.

Call me crazy but instead of letting my grown up husband off housework and haranguing my kids, I have always expected an equal partnership when running the home.

It's part of being a family to muck in. Teaching basic life skills is part of being a parent. It teaches children consideration for others and to respect what it takes to run a home.

YANBU

It's a pain in the ass to supervise them to the point where it becomes a habit, so I can see how parents just say feck it, and do it themselves.

But the reward is children with high self esteem and a sense of belonging in the family and being valued.

I honestly think many parents should drop a few activities they spend money and time facilitating for their children, whether outings or classes, coaching, etc, and just spend family time getting shit done around the house.

You are exactly right, OP. So few parents instill a work ethic into their children. Mine are adults now, but when they were growing up they cleaned their rooms and their bathroom to MY standards, learned to plan, cook and clean up meals, walked the dog, etc. Our son cut the grass from the age of eleven. And on and on. They have been healthy, happy, gainfully-employed adults since uni.

Too many parents don't expect their children to contribute much at all to the household then wonder why they're self-centered entitled adults who still expect mum and dad to take care of them.

I never had to do chores growing up, so I could enjoy my childhood and play more (according to my mum)

Somehow I’m still not completely useless.
You really don’t need years of practice to figure out how to start a washing machine, clean a bathroom or follow a recipe.

Single parent with a 6 year old.
he makes his bed, puts laundry in the machine, puts clean laundry away, runs the hoover round or mops the floor. He is hardly Cinderella but I like to instil basic skills and make them the norm in life.

It's a bit like training a new person up at work.

Initially it takes a lot of time. You have to supervise them and teach them to do it and make sure they don't fuck up.

If you have small kids and you are getting them out of the house early and getting back late then it's not a priority.

I did teach my pre-teens to cook and they cooked a meal each most weekends but honestly it took so so much more time to support them to do the cooking.

They know how to cook as adults but it really doesn't save time as a family. It is genuinely quicker to do it yourself.

I never expected our kids to life a finger to do chores and yet as young adults they’re all competent at looking after themselves domestically.

Newsflash - it’s not the rocket science of ‘life skills’ that they need years of practice and it’s not the job of children to compensate for shit male partners.

I agree with you, I always cringe a little on the inside when I see people still doing absolutely everything for teenagers. It's not good for them or the parents! Parents are exhausted, and kids will be going into the adult world unable to boil an egg or use a washing machine. I've met some of these kids as adults. It's wild.

I've been called Draconian by friends because my daughter has been helping with housework since she was about 5. I don't mean I turned her into a little scullery maid as soon as I could, but she would help with the cooking, she loved mopping from a very early age, she was always in charge of the polish and duster, and this slowly evolved from her kind of "playing" at cleaning to her actually doing it. It just does them good imho to make it a regular part of their routine asap.

I appreciate I probably got lucky with her in that she's always been a very mild mannered human and always seemed to enjoy helping with it, when I know with some kids it's like pulling teeth no matter how you approach it.

I learnt this from my own childhood. My parents never expected me to do chores, they seemed to expect me to just start doing them as I got older. Not surprisingly I didn't.

Definitely not taking that approach with mine.

I agree OP. I am constantly fighting a battle to make mine do more and life would be just so much easier if I shut up and became a full time slave. But I absolutely refuse to raise my kids like that. I am often gobsmacked by how many of my peers do everything for their kids and often complain about it, when often these kids have never been given the opportunity to pull their weight. But the reality is the parents are choosing the easier option to suit themselves.

I work with kids and one thing I have noted is how parents massively underestimate their child's abilities. Your child climbed on a footstool and rummaged around to find a biscuit? Great, they have just shown you they can put away groceries or empty a dishwasher. Yet instead they are shooed away and mum does all the work and they are accused of being demanding. There are so many links between giving children responsibility and increased self esteem and parents seem to ignore this. Children need to be allowed make a mess, make mistakes, spill things, burn things and everything else to learn to do things independently and that's a big investment of time and patience that most parents either don't have or are not prepared to give.

Both my DC do chores.... that's from tidying their own rooms to empty the bin or a dishwasher at primary school age; to keeping a bathroom tidy, sorting, washing and ironing of clothes, hoovering or cleaning a window at secondary school age.
On top of that, I am teaching basic cooking skills.

Honestly, it has paid off, now that one DC is at uni. DC has told me the odd domestic horror story... from not being able to put a knot into a bin bag to trying to cook a frozen pizza on the stove (with an oven underneath).
DC has also taken 2 house mates under their wing to teach some cooking.

It's great for confidence if DC learn these skills before leaving home.

Who said men shouldn't be doing chores?

We obviously have a different view of life skills, being able to look after yourself as an independent adult, to me is a valuable life skill. As well as learning that others aren't there to serve you and are deserving of respect.

YABU for using the non-word “irregardless.”

My 6 year old has chores. Not too many, about 5 or 6 a day then when he does them he gets a sticker on his chore chart and a full chart results in a small prize. Stuff like water the garden, empty the washing machine. Kids need responsibility and he needs to learn he plays a part in this household rather than mummy doing everything. Once a week he learns to cook with me too.

I never had structured chores as a child but I was always included in whatever the family was doing, from cooking to putting up wallpaper. I was expected to clean my own mess including washing up. So I just naturally picked skills up, I guess.
I was a mature student living with a bunch of 18 year olds and they honestly didn't even know how to change a light bulb. I guess there are many more things to occupy one's time with nowadays so kids don't learn by osmosis anymore.