To think children need to do more housework

[Pickledhen]

OK so hands up I'm single and childless so prepared to been pilloried for even asking this.

I see so many women doing so much, working full time , childcare, housework at home and honestly don't know if I would be sane if I had to do it full time. Oftentimes husbands partners boyfriends aren't necessarily pulling their weight or are absentee, but concede they may not able to contribute to child and home care due to their own work commitments.

In saying all this, I see some parents doing absolutely everything for their children irregardless of their age. Many of my peers had to do chores before they were able to go out to play...make their own beds, clean their bedrooms, put washing in basket and do the dishes after meals...( yes I'm that old ...before dishwashers) ...so my question is this , do you do this or not? ...if so what age did you start getting your children on board with helping out at home? has it helped you coming into their later years? ...or.... if not why not o? is it unreasonable in modern society where commutes to/from school may be longer or some other reason that makes it more difficult to do this now.

Really I'm just curious rather than being judgemental whether it happens or not.

Lots of questions so probably not a straightforward AIBU

AINBU to expect children to do more housework
AIBU to expect children to not do housework

*him = DDs dad

My boys sre 12 and nearly 8 year old and 5.

They are all expected to:

Take dirty washing downstairs to the basket daily.
Put away school bags at the end of the day including bottles etc
Get there own snacks for school (i supervise the 5 year old).

At the weekend they get a chore list and the WiFi is off until it's done:

12 year old strip his bed, hoover upstairs, dust his own bedroom, dust livingroom and sort his washing into a pile for us to fold.
7 year old - strip his bed, dust his bedroom and hoover downstairs, sort his washing into piles for us to fold
5 year old -tidy his toys, help dust and help his his clothes in his pile.

DH and I will do things like iron, bleach bathrooms, wash floors with boiling water etc.

We are both working parents and it's detrimental to my kids to not teach them basic life skills like house keeping.
I think kids should be contributing to keeping the home they live in clean and tidy if they are old enough to do it. I am very quick to point out when DH or my boys tell me "they are helping me" that "they are NOT helping me" they are cleaning up the mess they make and contributing to keeping our family home nice which we all live in .

I think posts like this one show how much difference there is in people’s descriptions of the word “chores”.

I do not consider tidying shoes away, making beds, putting laundry in the basket, to be chores. Those are manners and basic hygiene / personal care habits to be instilled in children from a young age.

Recycling is not a chore - it’s something you just do. So is helping set the table and clearing your plate when you’re done eating.

The issue isn’t so much lack of mowing the lawn from the age of 4. The issue is that so many families don’t have basic expectations of their children like the PP listed. The very minimum they should be able to do, is clean up after themselves. Those actions shouldn’t be called “chores”, and shouldn’t be optional.

Mine are 6 and almost 8, I work part time at the weekends so I do the lions share of the housework (pretty much all of it). My husband works full time hours. My children are expected to take their washing to the utility room, clear their plates into the dishwasher after meal times, tidy away their toys/put away shoes tidily after school etc, they occasionally lay the table for meal times, they sometimes make their beds but are not reliable with that but they do put their toys back on their beds tidily after I change the sheets.
if I ask for help they usually are willing to do odd jobs. My eldest has been known in the past to hoover, they have also helped me clean the internal windows.
I think it’s about teaching them that not everything gets done for you and you have to take some responsibility but also without sucking the joy out of life at such a young age by tying them to hundreds of chores every week.
Definitely small age appropriate tasks that you can build up on as they get older work well.

Apologies...it did occur to me as I was typing, but i went a bit 'devil may care'😈 and did it anyway !

When my children were little they didn't really do anything around the house because it was too much hassle teaching them. Now they are teenagers they do their own laundry, regularly cook family meals, are responsible for the cleanliness and tidiness of their rooms, and everyone works together to do a quick whole-house reset after dinner, cleaning, vacuuming, tidying etc.

I would consider those chores if I had to do them so why would it very different for children?
Lots of chores have to be done for basic hygiene purposes (washing dishes?) it doesn't stop them being chores.
For what its worth I have never made my kids do regular chores except keep their room clean (hit and miss!), strip their beds weekly and walk the dogs daily. I do expect them to muck in when I ask which they do without (too much) complaining.
Both kids leave the house before 7.30am and neither are home before 4pm so they do have longer school days than I did as a child, they also have evening/weekend plans which doesn't leave much down time for either of them. Both are well rounded, polite, helpful kids that have been no trouble at all (mid/late teens) and I couldn't be more proud of them if I tried.
Sorry if you feel a more military style routine of chores would have made my children better people, I disagree wholeheartedly.

To pose a question on mumsnet is a minefield. In trying to do so, and trying to appear fair , I included the consideration that some men might work away from home eg oil rig workers or men who work away on business alot. Not for one second suggesting men shouldnt be doing their fair share. It maybe was just clumsily put.

To your further question of... boys and girls?..... yep I grew up in an era where it was just 'womens' work. Drove me mad ! Continued to see it happen as I grew up with with some men getting an almighty shock when they married determined women to not be the 'do it all'. A sibling of mine has brought up a man to counter these traditional roles, whereas another sibling did absolutely everything for her male and female children, with one of whom in particular, continually expecting their parent to sort out every mess, physically emotionally and socially, even though they have finished university. Madness.

all the chores stuff are general life skills - also a positioned it that way with my DC and now as young adults they’re very grateful that they know how to use a washing machine and keep a house clean while some their friends don’t know how to even switch the hob on.

also made mine and DHs life a lot easier over the last few years as we could get DC to do jobs when we were extra busy at work.

The trouble with children is that they can't reach so much, so much is too heavy, then you have to direct them, it's hard work for you. Once they get tall enough to reach the sink and strong enough to lift plates up to the cupboard or wash the large pots it's a different game.

Mine never did chores.

By mid teens one of them started doing things freely around the house, mucking in. The other never did anything. Both of them live as independent adults now and manage their houses/chores fine.

I think the probably is the type of person, not what you get taught at home. Many will let it lapse when they move out because there is no longer an 'expectation' and they can do as they please (me, for a time)

I honestly find it more worrying that people don't have the skills to work out how to use a washing machine/switch in a hob. Particularly in this day and age where you don't even need to search for the manual you can easily look them up on your phone.

Some children might, but not all.

Mine have been "helping" since they could.
As soon as baby DS had a grasp reflex, he put some toys away each night. They have always had to put dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
Once they could umderstand directions, we used to pair socks together. As teens, they hang up washing, sort laundry, put it away, strip and remake beds, fill & empty dishwasher, wash up by hand, oldest can cook a meal for all 4 of us, vacuum, iron, clean cars.

Yes, in the early days it took longer to have the kids involved - but it was basically toddler entertainment. We are definitely reaping the rewards now. Not sure how it would go down to have them hit, say 10 or 13 and suddenly change expectations from nothing to helping.

Sorry if you feel a more military style routine of chores would have made my children better people, I disagree wholeheartedly.

I never said this, but it’s interesting how people interpret what they read. As you said, you expect your kids to keep their living spaces fairly tidy and help out with the odd “bigger” task - like bedding laundry. That’s exactly what I meant kids should be doing, and it’s certainly not military style, don’t you think? It’s just contributing to a house where several people live together.

I suspect there are multiple ways to raise competent, thoughtful adults.

Chores may well be an aspect of one of them but probably not the exclusive way to do it.

In my case, it worked out perfectly. I tried to get the children to help when they were little but it was so much effort, and the house wasn't really set up for kids helping safely, so I gave up. When they were older, they had a genuine interest and ability to be useful and were able to pick up skills quickly.

It's interesting, I had chores, my best friend didn't. In adulthood, she has always been way more houseproud than I am.

I grew up spoilt and not having to do anything for myself. My mum said she asked and I refused!
I then got my own house, got married and had children and basically had to teach myself to do everything and I hated it for the longest time as I wasn't used to it and there was lots I just didn't know.
I taught my dc from a young age how to separate washing, what clothes to put in the dryer etc.. washing dishes and they can bake simple cakes and make sandwiches.
They don't do it all the time but I make sure they do it every now and again so that they don't forget and also so they don't find it so difficult when they're on they're own one day.
They're all under 12 by the way and they do get plenty of time to chill and play, if I was working longer hours or they were in wrap around care I probably wouldn't have taught them until later but it's definitely good to know how to do things.

My children are 5 and 7 and slowly they are becoming more helpful in the housework regard. I wouldn't say they do loads but I have always tried to get them involved in household tasks. They can make their beds, tidy their toys away and put their laundry away pretty effectively now so are beginning to be genuinely helpful but I've always encouraged it as I had to help out when I was a child too and do chores so it just feels natural to do that with my own children.

They like mopping, vacuuming and using the duster. Really it's just playing and I have to re-do it but that's fine. We put music on and all get jobs done as a family.... fortunately DH fully pulls his weight too.

i had a SAHM and she did absolutely everything for me until I left home to get married. Funnily enough I managed to clean and wash and cook just fine without having to do it since I could walk. My daughter is the same - though I worked full time I did everything for her too, she did clean her own room (her choice). She’s now in her own apartment and cooks and cleans fine. It’s not rocket science and for me I enjoyed caring for her and I miss her all the time now she’s not here.