Is private at primary actually worth it ?

[nottoruffle]

I'm not here to ruffle feathers at all. I'm trying to decide what to do with my kids and whether private at primary is the thing for our family.

It's bloody expensive.

Is it worth it, is the million dollar question.

What kind of child tends to flourish at this type of school ? Will they be pushed too hard? or will they have more support as there are fewer pupils than in a states school ?

I'm looking at 3-18 co ed schools as I have a boy and a girl.

Any experience welcome.

For me, yes. We live in the city centre and the catchment school is a) poor, b) a very awkward and not particularly safe walk away and c) didn't have the wraparound care we initially needed. It also wasn't actually in the community where we live. Added to that DD started off very shy and I think she'd have been lost in a much bigger class. At her school she's been able to flourish and discover a talent for music. However, had we lived outside the city in areas where some of my friends live, we'd have opted for the local primary instead of paying.

We live in a nice little town, where there is a public elementary and a private one.

Out kids go to the public one. It's fine. All the kids in the neighborhood go there, from what I can see the private one attracts out of towners (so if you live in our town, all your friends live elsewhere).

The private one is nice (but objectively not that much different to the public - I don't include the actual teaching in this observation).

I think it's a waste of money for elementary.

We are definitely thinking of private for high school though.

I actually went to a private secondary from a state primary. It’s not a great transition. Your old primary school friends (and their parents) think you’re snobs and don’t want to be friends with you. The private secondary kids have been in a private primary together and you are some outsider who has dared to join their ranks. It sucks. If you can afford it go private from the start.

For what it’s worth I don’t believe that private schools should need to exist. Education should be up to standard for everyone. But it isn’t so here we are.

boring answer but depends entirely on the school, particularly how they manage behaviour and other needs

i am an ex primary school teacher a big reason why I left was struggling to manage extreme behaviour problems with no support and having to differentiate heavily and plan and run a million interventions alongside the normal school day.

i have chosen a state primary school based on the fact that they have an amazing SEN department, a re-regulation room and a pastoral team. I am confident that there will be less pressure on the classroom teachers, a plan when it comes to extreme behaviour and good support available should DC have any additional needs.

had my DC gone to my last school, I’d have had her in the local girl’s prep after the first incident of a classroom evacuation. But that’s not an option for everyone.

It’s obviously worth it to some people or they wouldn’t do it.

Sometimes it’s worth getting them in at 3/4 as it’s harder to get in at 8/11.

No many different variables OP, it’s impossible to answer really.

You asked about disadvantages - well, apart from the money, I would say the main ones are local friends, and pressure from school.

Some private schools can be quite pushy, which doesn’t suit all kids.

The main issue for me would be having local friends. I live in a village, and pretty much all the kids go to the local village primary. At primary my kids had loads of friends in the village. They’d often go to the park after school, and they’d always have friends nearby to play with in the holidays. One family I know sent their kids to the private school, which was a half hour drive away. The parents had to spend all holidays ferrying the kids around to visit friends. So that’s something to bear in mind.

Money is the biggest issue though. I would say that unless you’re minted and you know with absolute certainty that you’re going to remain minted, you are better saving your money for private secondary school. I’d say there is little doubt that private secondary school will offer a better chance at getting good grades.

I would never endorse private education (primary or otherwise), not even with poor state options available.

I think your money is better spent elsewhere, especially when you are describing it as 'bloody expensive' – the expense should mean absolutely nothing to you if it's even a consideration. Other downsides may include stress and anxiety from the high emphasis on academic performance, less robust systems for beyond academic support services, ease of school commute, bullying and drinking at an early age has been found to be more widespread and begin earlier, lack of exposure to a diverse socioeconomic environment making it harder for children to develop a broader worldview and appreciate difference, longer school holidays requiring more childcare.

It depends on your area. Are secondary schools decent? If the secondary schools are underperforming and the only secondary schools that aren't are selective, then yes it may be worth investing in a private primary education. Sorry if that offends but it is the reality in some areas of England.

@And100 "My friend's child (at 4yo) was allocated to a primary in an area nationally notorious for rioting, racism and crime"

The area where he lives.....🤔

We have 2 Outstanding school next to us (we were offered a place at one) and chose the PS.

Both of my DD's are in Rainbows and you can see the difference between the 4 girls at private school and their counterparts. They are worlds apart, not just in reading and writing, but in confidence, and the ability to present their work.

I have always been a little sceptical about our choice and only gave our state place up mid August for DD1 just before her Reception year.

I think it's very child dependent.

DB put their son through private as he was very shy, even to the point of selective mutism.
He thrived in a class of 14, but may have struggled with 29 others.

BIL put his daughter through because she has a severe milk and peanut allergy and the private school were on top of it. Plus no free milk every lunch!

Obviously state schools should be able to deal with both above scenarios but there a difference between barely accomodating and confidently providing for.

As many have said, it is dependent on the child, the schools in question and also your circumstances. For us it has been 100% worth it because the best local primary does not have wraparound care so I would effectively have had to give up work to cater to their short school days. When we went to view the state option, I spoke at length to the head about the demographics of their school population and it was explicitly clear that the majority have one parent who does not work or works very part time. I was not prepared for my child to be the extreme minority with two parents working full time and feel left out in terms of socialising and playdates.

As for the ignorant PP spouting out their nonsense about social status - the state option was far more socially exclusive than the private - catchment where houses average over £1m, very low percentages of FSM and EAL children. Our prep school has a much wider range of incomes and working patterns amongst parents.

The other benefits of prep are the small class sizes, individual attention and academic drive. They ensure each child achieves their full potential, not just work with the ones who are not yet at standard. (I know some state schools do this but there was just one that ticked this box when we viewed schools and that was the one without wraparound). The way they work on the children's self belief and confidence whilst simultaneously celebrating others' achievements. DC have specialist teachers from the outset and a huge focus on all the specialist subjects because the teachers are not spending class time managing behaviour.

Ultimately, we would have gone down the state route for the good one had it not been for lack of wraparound care. Financially, it has absolutely made sense for us - I would not be where I am in my career without the private school that provides extensive care and activities on either end of each day. In the next few years, they will move into the state sector for secondary - I have no concerns about them not being streetwise etc. They have a wide social circle from nursery and weekend activities which consists of children predominantly in the state sector and you couldn't tell them apart.

Way better wraparound care and better sports and peripatetic music teachers, meaning less traipsing around, but having experience of both, unless you work long hours it is absolutely not worth it, no. In the case of some schools I would say quite the contrary in fact.

Very similar story for us.
I have one in independent and one (younger siblings,) in state.
Have opted for what is right for then individually. Both thriving where they are.
We moved, post first child going to private, onto a road that has an outstanding school hence youngest attending.

Pros and cons of both. There are lots of posts on here regarding perceived disadvantages and mindset of parents who are pro private.
Your own circumstances should dictate this.

I would keep them in state until year 5 and move them to private in year 6 to get ready for a private high school.
use the money you save to spend on tutors etc - getting them ahead in academics is good for their confidence

Remember though.... getting loads of individual attention isn't always a good thing in terms of learning to be a self starter & do things with less help.

It's a pretty meaningless question OP. Whether anything is "worth it" depends on whether the benefits outweigh the costs, and that obviously varies from one family to the next and is dependent on so many different factors. You have to look at your personal financial situation, the school's quality and culture, transport considerations, the educational needs and personality of your child, etc.

YES 100% worth it!

So much individual attention, which is great for both kids that are struggling AND great for pushing high achievers.
Much better sporting opportunities
Generally way nicer playground and play areas.
Better classroom stuff: good quality paints, pair of scissors and glue for everyone, ipad
for everyone for research and
online activities.
Lovely food.
Lots of lovely extras: forest school, cooking, ballet, spanish, trampolining, coding, hot chocolate or ice cream on fridays, school animals.
Being a customer rather than a service user
means that your concerns are listened to and acted upon, always.

I think if you can go to a nice state primary and potentially do some extra curricular activities after school it's not worth the money on private. Personally I was in a state school until year 5 and private from there. We're planning to definitely do state until year 6 with our kids and then consider the options for year 7. For me I think it was beneficial to not be in private for all my education. I think privately school can be a bit of a bubble in terms of lifestyle and who you interact with.

I hope they teach your child better common sense than you have. You can't possibly generalise and some of your points are laughable, ice creams? Scissors?

Plenty of state primaries have forest schools and languages and nice playgrounds

It's great that you are happy with your choices but plain daft to think your experience will be replicated for every single other child

Depends on -
General area, transport/ getting there.
Class sizes in state primary where you're likely to be offered a place.
Reputation.
Facilities and opportunities for extra curriculars.
All day care?
Leadership and whether academy.
You might have religious preferences.

There is more riding on the choice of secondary, frankly.

In some areas, yes, in other areas no.

All children benefit from small class sizes and will thrive in an environment where classes are calm and purposeful, where teachers have the time and energy to give individual attention.

Rainbows are 5 and 6 year olds? So they've had at most 2 years in school? Most of this influence will be based on their family situation.

And those going to private schools, are likely to be from affluent educated families. Who statistically tend to have more academically able, confident children.

I live in a grammar school area and the private school primary kids have a significantly better success rate at passing the 11+ than the state school kids.

Non-grammar school areas I don't see the point unless you're going to carry it on throughout their whole school career.