To HATE going on holiday with a baby

[Al991]

This is a rant, just a warning.

Have gone on a UK hol with my 12m old and oh my god I’ve hated every second of it.

Despite initially struggling a lot with PND I handle parenting pretty well at home now. I feel in control, have smiles and laughs with her and enjoy it but OMG being on holiday with a baby is shit.

First of all as soon as you arrive, you wish you didn’t have a baby. I never feel like this normally but everyone is having a lovely bloody time drinking wine, going on long walks, playing cards into the night and am I?? Bloody no!! I’m cleaning up sick, trying to get her to eat, trying to keep her entertained without her usual 5000 toys. It’s awful. I feel guilty for hating it and for thinking how lovely this would be if she weren’t here!!

Her sleep is shit while away, don’t know why, the travel cot looks really uncomfortable tbf. I’m sick to death of rocking her back to sleep.

Honestly I am shocked, I thought I was passed this stage of just hating parenting. Woke my partner up in tears at 4am after the FIFTH atine trying to put her down in her cot just saying how much I bloody hate this holiday and how shit it is.

We are going home today thank god. Fingers crossed her sleep goes back to normal and she doesn’t keep doing this cos it’s a nightmare.

I stg I don’t know what’s wrong with me, loads of people I know travel abroad and stuff with babies all the time and seem to enjoy it??? So why can’t I get the hang of this?

Different people enjoy different things. It sounds like you’ve had a rough start to parenting but you’re doing well at home now, and perhaps you need your routines there to keep you level and happy. A lot of it depends on your child, too. It sounds as if yours may also not like being away from home?

I loved travelling with mine, but he loved to travel, and I often found it easier than being at home. He’s been on loads of holidays, I don’t hesitate to jump on a plane with him. It might be a different story if he didn’t like it so much, though!

Who were you with? Just your partner? Or a group of people playing cards/drinking/etc without children? Choosing where you go is important too. Holidays have changed. There’s not really any long dinners and talking the night away in the same way - someone had to walk him round until he fell asleep, or we needed to be back in the room so he’d go to bed, but we planned for that type of thing, and we could do cards/chatting/wine once he was asleep.

It’s okay if travelling with her isn’t for you right now. It’ll change again when she’s a toddler; and then when she’s a child.

Sorry to hear you are having a shit time OP - a UK holiday in this weather is never going to be much fun.

If you are with other childless people it can feel like you are on very different holidays - as you can’t just hang around in the pub for hours etc, go for a long bike ride in quite the same way.

Have you got a carrier? Mine would happily be strapped into that and taken for long walks. I’d also be drinking lots of wine (why can’t you drink wine?).

The best holidays with children of this age is where they are free to move around a bit - which is why the classic beach holiday is so popular. And then at least it’s warm, they can snooze in the pram while you have a nice lunch outdoors etc.

It does get easier as they grow, but yeah for some babies it's just not a great time. Sorry you did not enjoy your holiday

i appreciate the understanding especially since you find travelling easy! Unfortunately there was no ‘when she was asleep’ because she’d go down for half an hour then hours of battling starts (which is not how it is at home). I’m ok with holidays changing, I think, but maybe need to wait until she’s older so I can do activities with her and stuff because I think she was bored and hated the cot.

I was with friends who don’t have children 🫠

Sorry you didn't enjoy the holiday. We're all different as partners and parents with different strengths and areas to grow in.

It does sound as if you're still struggling with your mood and maybe your expectations of your baby and you. Have you had any support from your local starting well team?

As an aside there are some lovely heuristic play ideas you can do on holiday and I have found this really helpful in travelling with two under two and then two under three. You don't need "toys" as such.

We actually did do a beach trip earlier in the year which was easier!! Perhaps just need to stick to that sort of thing.

vis a vis your wine question, my daughter can sense when I’ve just poured a glass and decides to wake up and scream or throw up all over her PJs before I can take a sip 😂

She also weighs a third of my weight (high centile baby, low ventile mother lol) so I have stopped with the carrier but she’s partial to the pushchair

It sounds like you were doing all the work and assumed you were a single mum! What was your partner doing?

Oh I agree on the cot front. I always co-sleep on holiday. Getting into bed with my babies then sneaking off when they're asleep has given me a bit of an evening. From a baby's perspective they are in unfamiliar unsafe place so many won't sleep well if not next to you.

It's a sad discovery that holidaying with children is just your usual job in less convenient circumstances. Nothing odd about you.

Unfortunately I was not blessed with the type of children who would nap in the pram at a restaurant or who could cope with a deviation from routine.

Our first holiday with DTs when they were just about to turn one was awful. They just would NOT sleep in the travel cots. We took a crappy McLaren buggy with us instead of the big pram and we took it in turns walking round and round trying to get them to sleep.

We ended up letting them sleep in their car seats (I know I know) but it was the only way anyone was getting any sleep.

They were afraid of the sand, which was great for a beach holiday. Oh and then towards the end they both ended up with ear infections.

The next year was slightly better, we set up the mobile so we all slept together on mattresses in the living room and we made it to the beach with no drama. We were able to go out and eat with them for dinner instead of cook. We still had to go early, which was quite difficult in France but we did find some places that were open.

The next year was a fantastic holiday and they got better and better. They're much older now and I love travelling with them.

Moral of the story - same shit different location until they're at least 3.

The answer to this day drinking OP.

@HerewegoagainSS forgot to mention OH had a 2 day stomach bug as well

@Flittingaboutagain she is not a cosleeper she actually really likes her own space and gets annoyed when encroached, but in future I might bring my own travel cot

@longdistanceclaraclara glad it’s not just me!! I think I’ll enjoy more when she’s 3+. I have no problem with having an active holiday, spending time playing with her or going to kids activities

Youve got to remember, its all strange to your child. All familiarity has gone from home and shes not sleeping well because shes worried/scared.

i get what your saying tho. Its not a holiday “as you once knew” when you have kids and everything revolves around making them happy! Its relentless and youll get home and need another holiday, preferably on your own! 😂

Ah it will get better, promise.
This is why we didn't go on a proper holiday until the child was aged 5, we were able to eat out, sight see, go to bed later than 7 (but still before 10 😂). We did 1/2 nights in the UK before then but I couldn't bear the thought of taking a smaller child abroad, same shit different location, literally.

This with bells on.

I love parenting, easyish baby, no PND but holidays with babies and young children are not fun. It’s the same shit but hotter (when abroad).

And never go away with childfree people. No, you need people that are experiencing the same shit as you, and hopefully having a worse time.

Ugh. Sounds crap. Back to work will feel like a holiday then!

Oh I absolutely relate re watching other child free guests enjoying themselves, enjoying long boozy lunches by the pool while you're trying to scoff down your food before the baby kicks off, more sleep deprived than usual as babies don't sleep well in unfamiliar locations. I highly recommend 'family hotels' or child-focussed hotels, as a PP said at least everyone is in the same boat as you which is strangely comforting. We've travelled all over the world in the two years since DS was born, he's an easy traveller for the most part but it's still hard, and I do sometimes long for those pre-baby days! I'd definitely still rather travel than skip holidays for the next few years but you just need to massively lower your expectations. We did a couple of holidays with child free friends when DS was really little but we've given up on that for the time being as there's no point when you're tied to 6pm dinner times and need the option to bail out from any given activity if things go downhill.

Some babies just don’t travel well, it’s not you OP. Apparently my parents gave up on day two of a caravan holiday when I was a year old as I refused to sleep and just wouldn’t stop crying. My two babies were very inflexible but we have had wonderful holidays with them once they got to 3/4 years old. They are 16 and 14 and still love our family holidays. The baby stage is short, it won’t be long before you can start to enjoy holidays again.

OK if you were with friends without children I can see why that would be crap! Holidays with kids are a whole other ball game as I'm sure you know now. I'm sorry you had a bad time, I've found you have to radically readjust your expectations of what a holiday is and what you can do once you have small children. For what it's worth, our best trips so far (dd has just turned 4) were:

• Center Parcs or holiday apartment with GPs to help out with the childcare
• Camping with friends with similar age kids
• AI or cruise with lots of family friendly activities, baby pool etc (would never have been up for this pre baby!)

Agree with @MojoDojoCasaHouse. My little guy was like yours OP. Even a night away in a hotel was torture.
Holidays became lovely again age 3. Keep it simple for now. Also I've realised over time that an Airbnb is better for my kid than hotels, more space and he can't sleep in a room with us.

I can count the number of catastrophe-free holidays on one hand! 😁

Sometimes it's even DH or me that causes a problem.

My first holiday with my baby was like child and adult torture. I quickly forgot ideas of travelling the world! My second child I might have achieved that with as he just slept all the time. Child one screamed all the way to Western France.

I agree with Center Parcs (off season is much cheaper, get as many holidays in as you can before they go to school), it's actually a relaxing holiday with kids.

Also camping with other people with kids.

UK beach holidays.

This is pretty much all we did until we started doing Eurocamp, which my kids love.

I don't remember us thinking about it, we picked the holidays and just did them wouldn't say it was hard or easy it just was and we enjoyed what we did do

Sympathies, it can be shit. I always take our own travel cot - we don’t always use it, but I feel better for having it.

For what it’s worth, I think this feels ten times worse than it would have done had you not been with your childless friends. We have very good friends with a child the same age as ours, and an older one. We’ve been away with them (in the uk) a few times and it is SO much easier. No apologies for being absent because you’re dealing with the baby, people go to bed earlier, you can tag team coffee breaks in the morning whilst you share parenting…one time my daughter was horrendous, just like yours. Up every thirty mins. Our lovely friend swooped in with Calpol and cuddles and dimmed all the lights in the living room, got snuggly blankets and just set us up with a little corner so we could sit with the baby and attempt to carry on our evening. With the best will in the world, childless friends don’t get the stress and anxiety of parenting out of your comfort zone.

I sympathise, OP. At this age, it's just the same shit in a different place.

It does get easier though, although it's probably hard to see the wood from the trees right now. Do you have a support network that would be able to give you a break?